3-25-11 Lion or Lamb

3-25-11   Lion or Lamb?


This week we had  snow, which had everyone complaining and wishing the warm nice weather we recently enjoyed would come back. Reminded me of a saying my Grandma always used to say: If March comes in like a Lion it will go out like a Lamb and if it comes in like a Lamb it will go out like a Lion...which is why I always hoped for a cold snowy start to March when I was a kid...wish I had this year...LOL

Monday was an icky sort of day for me, not only had the cold weather come back to NJ but I was feeling pretty worried about my finances and don't have enough money to pay my April mortgage. I had hoped that I could start making a bit of supplemental income with my events but so far I have not been succesful with that. I had hoped a friend of mine would help me promote my groups, because she has been really good at it in the past but she decided to work with another group instead, mostly because I didn't want to change my philosophy and approach to match hers. She is a lion when it comes to this sort of thing and I am a lamb and thats just that. She said I should look for a part time job to supplement my income instead since I won't listen so I spent my free time that day looking for something I can do, so far nothing that doesn't involve a lot of standing up or lifiting and I can't do that.

Tuesday I had a phone conference with someone who runs a spirital radio show and she had seen my site Spirtual in NJ and wanted to know if I would help promote what they do and thier events. She said she saw I had a large number of people on my page and I then told her about cassiescalendar too, I told her breifly about how I had worked on this for 10 years and had real gift of building community. I also told her of the pepople I had studied with or worked with and she was quite impressed. It felt good to be admired and I felt like a lion at that moment, I even breifly mentioned the co-operative idea and that perhaps once that is launched she will have me on her show. I was suprised at my boldness but I know it must have come from the sprit inside me, for this is a good thing that needs to get out to the people. I also had been writing to a guy from CL and he said he wanted to talk so I sent him my phone number, from his pictures I got a very nice vibe and felt I could trust him. We had a very nice conversation and he said he was very intersted in meeting me, but he has custody of his 11 yr old daughter so it was going to be hard to do....I mentioned my event this coming saturday in his area and said its a family place, you could bring her..... I also got my paperwork from my income taxes from my accountant and as it turns out I am getting a bit back so I will have money for the April mortgage.....thank you God saved me again!

Wednesday was pretty un-eventful other than I found an ad on my corporate website for two free kittens so I wrote to the lady, she sent me pictures on thursday and they are really cute! Dark brown with tan markings, my friend Chris said they are called tortisshell. So I made an apointment to go meet them on saturday and I was so happy about it that I sent the pictures to Randy to get his opinion. since he is the cat expert, he said they looked very nice and to just make sure that they like people. I then was feeling bold and I suppose a bit snotty and I sent him a pic of the guy I been talking to. Justifying it to myself that the first thing he did when he found this woman he's with now was send me a picture of them on his motorcycle. I said: Look I took your advice and I met a guy what do you think? He looks kind and nice right? He replied that he looked perfect and don't screw it up! I said I won't I have changed and I like the idea of being a mom again I miss it......he never responded... Guess I was being a bit of a beast there but I felt that he deserved it, at least a little.

I was going to go check out a local yoga studio to see about having classes there for people in my group and making a small profit per person but Mary called instead and wanted to meet for dinner, I was greatful for that as I so needed to talk, it has been an emptional week for me. I also didn't have the courage to go to that place so was glad for a reason to put it off again. We talked of Randy and she said you realiz you two are just poking each other, you did to him what he did to you when you dumped him and told him to go find a woman who will ride his motorcycle so he did. Fear and stubborness, still you two are caught in that cycle...yeah I guess so I said but I am better I have evolved if he'd stop and look he'd see this. When your are down there he will she said, but it just may be too late for you are and you will be meeting new men. We both agreed though the one I am talking to now probably isnt a good match. I also talked to her about the cooperative site that I want to launch and my frustration of not being able to find a webmaster. She said she knew someone but she's a real businesswoman, she will charge you she said. I told her I would have to pray about it, I fear spending any money though when I am so broke, yet know if I buy a site then ALL the profits will be mine rather than sharing with a webmaster....Oh what to do what to do.

I also told her that I think Gus (my dead ex-husband) was around me because I smeelled the smoke he always blows in my face to get my attention. He just wont learn that I cant see or hear him like Mary and Randy can. I asked her about it and she said she thinks he finally has accpeted that I am moving out and he isn't blocking it............turns out though that there was something else he was trying to tell me.....just before noon I got a phone call from my son's friend telling me had a seizure in Shop Rite. I left work and went there so this time I could talk to the doctors and get him a psych consult. My ex had them a lot in his life so he knows and thats probably why he came, to warn me for Jeremy. Well I did get to talk to the doctors and we did get Jeremy to wait for the consult but we ened up sitting there for FOUR hours, he finally ripped out his IV and left. In retropect I wish I had roared a bit more and demanded to get him attention , they just kept saying all day that someone would come soon but no one came till shift change after 4pm. The guy was nice though gave me phone numbers and said if I could get him to come back they'd admit him..........so I took him got his smokes, took him for burgers then tried to get him to go back...no he wanted to go home so I took him home and there were like 8 guys sitting there smoking....so I sat there for an hour and got them to talk him into going back.........finally he did but when they said since he left he would have to be re-admitted he left again! Ugh! I am beat I took him home armed with all the phone numbers and such for him to call and set up an appointment, now all I can do is pray. I shoulda roared more sooner on this one......now its his fight.

Today I want you to think about each situation in your life and to pray for discernment on them, pray to be guided to know when to lay down like a lamb (for the meek shall inherit the earth) but also to know when to roar and be a lion and fight and speak and get things done. There is a right time for each.....true wisdom is knowing when..........I am still working on this one myself......all I know is tonight I a weary and drained and this lion is needs some sleep.....may we all find peace......


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

The Lion Sleeps Tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n3xDgx85jY