9-23-11 Be Ground
Monday after work I picked up a vacuum from a free cycler and she ended up giving me two. Mine doesn't work so well and I need a better one, then maybe Jeremy can fix it some and sell it. He likes to tinker on stuff and if nothing else it will give him something to do while he waits for work. Earlier in the day a fear about money crossed my mind and for the first time I felt true peace that I need not worry, God would provide. I also thought about not having a mate and I felt a true sense of that too being all right that it was only a matter of time, that I would have one because I want one and God will provide. I thought a moment of Randy and how I was glad I came to my senses, realizing he just wasn't at all being who I needed and wanted. I saw him heading to work on my way home from work, he looked and felt lonely and sad but that could me my own thoughts, surely he is not alone and sad as he chose to keep that pretend wife. After I got home I was out in the yard doing a few things when the neighbor came home and she and I chatted a bit. I found out about trick or treat night and was so excited that for the first time ever I will live in a home where kids come around for treats! I then headed off to get my final ingredients to make the pumpkin cookies we used to have when I was growing up, I really am loving my home and liking decorating and cooking...
Tuesday was an at the office day also pretty hectic day for me and then driving home my buddy called me, he had broken up with yet another woman, course I thought it was the right move for him as he really isn't feeling it with her either. He thinks something is wrong with him that he doesn't appreciate these perfectly ok women but I tell him he needs the spark and should not go hook line and sinker for anyone till he feels that and wants no other woman. I also told him that he should take a good hard look at the mistakes he made when he was in love with one and be sure he has fixed those issues. I told him he should be glad that THE one hasn't come along if he's not ready yet. After we hung up I got to thinking how many times he and I have fought with one another and "broken up" our friendship, always because of hurts and pains and jagged edges we both have. But the love we have for one another brings us back together time and time again and each time we have grown and matured and healed some. I decided to tell him that from now on we must vow to NEVER "beak up again" and to tough it out. He agreed.
Wednesday I had a rough day, was a work at home day but my computer was not working so I had to rush off into the office, no shower and much later and thusly much more traffic. I stopped and Dunkin Doughnuts to get a big and toasty since the cafe would be closed by the time I got to the office. I reflected on the idea that the night before I had heard a comercial for those and wished I could get one but its cheaper to buy at the cafe at work, not to mention I am not hungry yet at 6:30 am.... I thought I need to fine tune my attracting skills if that were the case! LOL I wanted it but I didnt want to have to go to the office on a work from home day to get one! But I did get the IT person over and we did some fixes to my computer and we got a new system put on rush order... Driving home that night I was doing more thinking of what the heck I am going to be for Halloween this year, I ruined the one last fall that I had for years by gluing all that ribbon on it and now this year I don't have the money to buy anything....but...I had a flash of inspiration of something I can be using things I already have and I can buy a few things at the dollar store to finish it off! I am psyched! I am keeping it a secret for now.....
Thursday I worked from home and was paying bills, I did not have enough money for one of the bills and was very concerned. It wasn't due for a few weeks but I knew that my next pay check must go to the rent. So I put this one aside and put a note for find the cash to pay this. My one roomate, the 23 yr old had agreed to move into the basement so he could have use of the big area for his TV and his friends, which makes it nice too for Jeremy as he likes to chill with them too. I told them they have to keep in neat though for when I get a Reiki client or am having a yoga session or workshop. Honestly though I don't know how we can fit yoga in there and I started to think about and pray for a place for us to have it once it gets too cold to do it on the beach. Later in the day one of my old Reiki clients contacted me and wanted a session! I was so excited and we managed to squeeze it in before going to an event. This gave me the cash for 1/4 of that bill and I thanked God for it. I also asked for the rest of the money and more clients and I prayed for a place to do the Yoga come winter time. It crossed my mind that a nursing home day room might be a good idea and I could give some free reiki to the paitents for trade...
The event was nice, not my cup of tea to sit around and drink but I and my ginger ale were quite happy. The reiki client was there and she told some people about my services. I also saw the guy friend who had attacked me brutally last week when I was trying to help him and a friend. I had made up my mind to not get close to him as this was not the first time he had gotten brutal on me. But when he saw me he came right over with arms wide open for a hug, I had to hug him I can't be brutal back what's the point in that? He said I am so so so sorry, I said I was in shock that is how he thinks of me and he said of course I don't I was just having a really bad day. So I decided to accept his apology and move on from that recognizing that he just has rough edges still from the pain in his life thats not finished healing. If I want to be forgiven I must first be a forgiver, and God knows I still have a few of my own rough edges left. To make it up to me he asked me to go to an event with him the next night and pay for everything since he knows my finacial woes, I accepted.
That night heading home I felt a bit sad that none of the guys hit on me but I decided to just figure God isnt done with me and ready to share me yet. As I walked out of the place that night I was suprised to see fireworks going off on the beach! The first up close fireworks I had seen all summer! Reason being that I was at home, in bed with Randy all the times we had local ones had gone off. I looked up and I smiled and I thought see who needs him for there to be fireworks in my life, I can find them by myself! Driving home though I did think of Randy some and how what a shame it was that he choose to stay with no love and affection instead of come to be with me, but I know I deserve better treatement that he gave me. My next thoughts were of how can I advertise to get more paying Reiki clients to help me pay my bills. The voice inside me spoke: Would you really SELL the gift I gave you? it asked. Well no I replied I guess I would not, I will use it to help anyone who needs me but give me some volunteer oportunitues and help me pay my bills.
The next morning while reading facebook I saw a friend had posted a phone number to call to sign up to volunteer to give Reiki to Hospice and nursing home paitents. I knew that I had to call and sign up for this! Who knows maybe if I GIVE more free Reiki God will bring me some more paying customers too......if you want to recieve first you must give. The same with Love, I want to be loved and wanted and cared for so first I must love and want and care for the people who show up in my life, no matter how bad they may behave at times. If they choose to walk away from me thats one thing but no more shunning anyone, I just have to be mindful of how close I get to those who still have rough edges, and I must be mindful to continue the healing work in myself to file off the rest of my own jagged edges.....I didn't get the crop I wanted this year because I still need to get rid of the rocks in the soil of my life...
Today what can you do to work on smoothing off your edges, tossing out those rocks from your soil? Who can you give love to and who can you help? Practice these things so that loving and giving is just who you are.......this is a lovely time to make a big change, its the autum equinox, a new moon and its time for not only the leaves to change......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
No comments:
Post a Comment