9-19-11 Little Girl Hurts

9-19-11   Little Girl Hurts

Friday night I didn't get to use my free tickets from Hay House to see a new movie screening that was being hosted by Dr Wayne Dyer. I was really bummed out about that. The reason being I had been on the phone and waiting for IT all day to help me get online and get my computer up and running, I hadn't even showered all day! When my quitting time came I gave up and took a nap, luckily my co-worker took care of things and I resolved to fix the issue on Monday. When I woke up I was really tired so I stuck around home and worked on sorting the Halloween decorations. I am sooooooo happy to have a home that I love enough to want to decorate again.

Saturday I got up and drug Jeremy and his two friends who came down to spend the weekend over to the township works place to get mulch for the back yard and flowerbeds. We made three trips with two cars and got a good deal done. I gave them each $10 so they could get pizza and beer for helping me. After thinking about it though I realized it would have been cheaper to BUY mulch at home depot like I usually do. LOL  After that I went to Sandy Hook to meet a friend to go biking. I had posted it last minute as an event but only the two of us went, which was fine with me,her too actually as we got to spend more time talking to one another. I headed off up the path and was surprised that I had to go a bit slower so she could keep up with me! Here I was worried so much about going with someone else and disappointing them with my skills and I was good! I guess I have made some progress! I recall when I was a girl it took me a bit longer to learn to ride a bike than the other kids, reason being is my grandma raised me and was so fearful all the time that I would get hurt. My boy cousins were such daredevils and always coming home scraped up so Grandmas fears seemed reasonable to me. But in time my desire to ride over came my fear and I have always liked to ride but I confess mostly I prefer to ride alone in case I fall and look foolish or can't keep up, this day was healing for me to ride with someone else and not mess up.

I got a text from from my friend Michelle as I was leaving biking asking me if I was going to go to the dancing event last night, I was relieved to hear from her. The reason for this is my ex-event partner was a mutual friend and soon as she got mad at me for getting the tickets this started posting that she can't go to yoga anymore and was busy, I didn't know if she was backing off, I have lost a few friends when someone gets mad at me and bad mouths me so I brace myself each time. I was so happy to see she wasn't ditching me. But anyway I had not wanted to go to this particular venue either because they are the one's who screwed me out of money in the spring, I was boycotting the place but did feel bad as so many people I know go there still. It was a good thing I did go, the event manager came over and apologized to me for how I got treated, said it was not handled fairly at all and that manager was fired and they have a new one (karma rules!). So that was a relief, I was silly to run away hurt I should have stood up and fought but that is the little girl pain in me that lingers on....I never stand up and fight I just run and hide.... Well not always but often. We had a blast though that night and I got to pass out many of the tickets for the Almost Queen concert, I even went over and gave two to my ex stone business partner. I miss him sometimes, I still think it's very wrong that he kept the stones I bought and my flash drive but life's too short to worry over material things. He can stay stubborn if it suits him but I am not. I gotta say also that I just LOVE the people down here and they love me, many know me as they traveled to my BBQ's back at the old house. My buddy Mike even came down and said he likes it better down here too, after the event he took me out to breakfast and we made plans to go to events down here a lot.

Sunday morning I was sleeping late, it was past 9am and I was still sleeping when my phone rang. It was my buddy Mike wanting me to go bike riding with him down at Sandy Hook and  then go watch football in the afternoon. I said no, and regretted it later when I was awake as it was a beautiful day out and I should have done something fun with it. Instead I used the day to get the house cleaned up, get groceries, and work on sorting Halloween stuff. I really should have made Jeremy do the house clean up though as it was the friends he had over for the weekend that caused so much work. Time to make him grow up a bit more and allow myself to be a bit more free......but he's much better than this time last year. Oh well..... still it was a peaceful day and I needed that. In the evening my friend and I were posting back and forth and finally she said to call so I did. We had a great talk and I confessed to her that I was worried I was losing her due to the fight I had with the mutual friend and how relieved I was that she wanted to go to that event with me. She said of course I am not going to back off from this friendship, we get along great.. She did tell me that the other woman had contacted her and basically told her that she had to choose because she would not be comfortable staying friends with anyone who is close to me. How sad how sad how this junior high behavior, this woman has some deep sad wounds inside her, I must remember to pray for her more often. I told my friend I am shocked at her level of attack on me, I did nothing to HER all I did was get tickets for the same place she goes to. It's not like she can't still get tickets or that I told the manager that she was no longer associated with me or my website. Nothing happened to her but she is in such range and anger and hurt. Yes yes I must pray for her even more and send her peace and blessings. If she is going to de-friend everyone who is also my friend she's going to not have many left.

Monday morning and I am back at work, the computer problem I had at home went away once I plugged in at the office. I talked to my co-worker and thanked her profusely for covering for me on Friday, she said no problem. I am thinking maybe God just gave me an extra day.....I had enjoyed the time playing and getting out Halloween stuff. Like I said it's been a long time since I felt like decorating my home.... And I only thought about Randy once over the weekend, sunday evening when I was trying to put air in my car tires.....I thought about texting him but realized it was too soon to try to be friends....maybe someday.....

Today I want you to think about the things in your life that make your mad, or sad, or upset you in anyway and I want you to see if you can relate those feelings to anything from your childhood. If so then see what you can do to heal those old wounds. I also want you to become like a child again and have that feeling of not being responsible for the weight of the world, dance and laugh and ride bikes or fly kites, lay in the grass and pick out shapes in the clouds or spin round and round until you fall down dizzy! do whatever you feel like doing!.........let your soul dance ..............


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Our fear is even stronger when we think we are responsible
for others--our children, for example. We want to spare them pain, and
so we forget to listen to the Sound of Creation. No one learns from
someone else's mistake. If we respect others, we must recognize that they
have a right to their own dance. Their own spirits will guide them♥

~Keneshina.