6-27-11 Summer Sunshine!

6-27-11  Summer Sunshine!

This weekend has been about the sun shine coming back and how it helps make everything better...
Friday afternoon I was writing back and forth with some guys from Craigs list looking for dates, you hear bad stories out there but I am careful and also the guys on there seem to be more real and more interested in actually meeting than the dating site guys. Either that or its just that they don't know about the other sites so there is less other eye candy to distract them. LOL But anyway I met two worth meeting one a car salesman, age 52 and another, age 45 who promised to take me on a motorcycle ride. Nick and I made plans for sat night at 7 and Rich and I Sunday at 11am. After work it was raining and I was tired so I went out shopping alone for a short bit and didn't do much of anything else.

Saturday the skies were sunny and not the rain as prediicted so I got up at 6am and was out on my bike by 8 and for a ride and then a walk along Cliffwood Beach, its so lovely there I took a few pictures of all the birds. There were seagulls and egrets and geese and even a swan! They all flew off as I got closer, and as I walked up the beach they chattered as if to be complaining about me disturbing their territory, they'd move a bit further up and as I neared they'd move further and further away finally giving up and flying off. I headed back to my bike after collecting shells and stones and noticed all the burnt wood pieces on the beach and wondered if we could have fires there, it's always been my dream to have a fire ceremony on the beach. So i texted Randy and asked him and he said sure they don't care and I said awesome! He then asked me what I was doing that night as he was going to The Hook after work, I told him I had a date with a rich older guy........then thinking I wish I could see him instead I added that if the date ended early or something happened I'd text him and also that I was planning on going there tomorrow evening... He kept texting saying he was off starting July 5th and going to VT....we traded texts and ended up saying that we wanted to go on a few vacations together this summer to VT and he said he'd also take me to Cape May when I said I wanted to go there, I was all happy about that and wished even more I didn't have a date but I knew I needed to go, I need to find my own special someone..... I then woke Jeremy up and we headed to Flemington to get the rest of his things he had at the house.

The drive up wasn't bad and we went to the Post Office and did his change of address, I reminded him that as long as he lives with me he can't get his drivers licence back. He wasn't happy about that but I hope it will motivate him to get a GOOD job and get out of my house already! LOL  I love my son but I want him to live in the same neighborhood not the same house! We went to the house and loaded all the stuff he had into the car, I noticed the day lillies in bloom and reflected on the fact that this is the time of year that Gus and I moved in here, the closing was in June and our wedding was July 8th, we spent the weeks leading up to that gutting and re-doing and painting the whole interior of the place , with the help of his fathers workers that is.  He bought the house for us to live in and pay him rent then after a bit helped us to buy it. When we divorced I waived all child support and got the house (and the mortgage) for a dollar. It's served me well but now we are done with it...time for it to sell.... We drove back to Keyport and unloaded and I started laundry and we went to town for lunch as they were having a fair and ethnic food festival on main street. The car saleman guy called me a few times durning the day trying to figure out how and when we could get together that night, in the end he ened up having to cancel because they made him work late. I actually was happy about that and texted Randy that I was available after all but he texted back that he was going to go home and work on his truck...I felt hurt and also mad at myself as I relized I had probably wished this into happening, when he had asked me that morning to go to the hook I wished I didn't have a date and I could go, then the date cancelled but he had made other plans. He called then and we talked a bit and I just felt worse, especially when he said "well Jeremy doesn't want me coming around unless I am going to marry you". That got me pretty upset and I said thank you for reminding me that you won't marry me and hung up on him even though he had said we could meet at The hook the next day...

Sunday I got up and checked my facebook page and got a message from Martin, he is a young man from Australia who is traveling across the US in a van with his friend, they are photographers and are posting thier photo blog here: expedition to the new world .  He knows my sorority sister from college as they go to the same church and she asked me if I would be so kind as to allow them to park their van here and take them to a train station for while they are in NYC so I said sure, well he sent me a message saying that they'd be there at 6pm! Ugh well that decided that no Randy for me that day (things just keep us apart right now) I did go on my date with the guy with the motorcycle and I had a good time, he's a fireman and was pleasant and took me for a ride through all the shore towns down here next to me. I was so proud of myself! See I am not afriad to ride on the back of a motorcycle I am just afriad to ride on the back of Randy's! It is 40 years old afterall and he does ride like a bat out of hell too!. As we rode up rt 35 a pack of bikers, half of them with thier chicks on the back, rode past us and I felt like a real biker chick for the first time ever! LOL A nice size newer bike was just the ticket. Plus this guy said I leaned fine, he was used to riding people and balancing them, unlike Randy who wasn't. I am not critising him but for sure it was time for me to stop feeling like I was the defective one because I was afraid to ride with him. I really did and do want to ride on a bike with him, I mean how fun would that be? He and I the one thing we have in common is we LOVE good scenery, I wish he'd get a new bike and then show up at my house and ask me if I want to take a ride down the shore then I could say yes and happily hop on! Or take it up to Vermont and cruise the roads up there , how beautiful that would be...or a trip to the grand canyone....sigh....maybe someday I will find a guy I really like and he loves me and we can ride. But anyway after the bike ride I took and nap and waited for the boys, when they showed up and I got them safely on the train I got Jeremy and we drove down to The Hook to go for a walk and get a seafood dinner at Moby's. I missed Randy so much that I texted him and told him about riding the motorcyle and how I hoped he got a nice safe bike like that someday. He of course had to ask me if I did pokey with that guy. LOL

Monday I was off so I drug Jeremy the cranky one up before noon, after I had been up since 6 did tons of chores, packed a cooler full of food and sandwhiches I made, and the car was ready... we went down and I got him to stay all of 2hrs LOL but at least I got him out and I over heard him telling someone how nice it is down there and he had asked me how far it was so he could ride his bike there. When we got home he got a call about his unemployment and they are going to send him to the local office here to help him find a job and training. He felt better after that....I think I see glimmers of his depression lifting...the sun is so good for the soul...........and I got some lovely lovely things for my collection to charge with Reiki like my SpiritStones check it out:

It's summertime people! Get outside and soak up as much of it as you can, sun is lightening, nature is nurturing soak up as much as you possibly can! We are beings of light after all!

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

Will Smith- Summertime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6WpvBHdk1c

6-24-11 Rainy Days

6-24-11 Rainy Days

Monday Jeremy rode his bike to my office, he got there buy 2pm as the ride only took him 1.5 hrs (he thought it would be much further) so I went out and gave him money to go get food and wait till my quitting time. On the drive down to my new home he told me he had not filled his prescription from the doctor in months so we went home got Shawn and went over there, and Shawn bought an air mattress and I gave up a great deal of my Reiki office space, having to move my card readings table into the yoga/workshop area. I pray for nice weather so we can do the Yoga on the Beach instead of in my basement! LOL On the way back I showed him where to ride his bike and wait in town for day work and we passed auto repair places with help wanted signs out front for him to go get applications. This will be his last time to collect unemployment benifits so if he gets a job it will be timely for sure!

Tuesday while at work I was all frustrated about my joint pains and aches, this has been going on far too long and I am not finding solutions. I said a prayer for help on that matter and shortly after I noticed I had missed my e-mail the day before: From The Secret Daily Teachings:
Most people only think to ask for health when they don't have it, but you can intend great health at any time. Use the power of your intention every single day and see yourself healthy and well.

Intend health for you and intend health for others. ~Rhonda Byrne Ok prayer answered, I looked forward to feeling better! Next thing that happed was I got an e-mail from my lawyer saying the soil tests the township did came up with a small amount of leakage so they are requsting that I submit the claim to my insurance company, once the accept the claim the township will procede to close. Somehow I think both Jeremy and I had to get out of that house for this to close!

 In the evening he and I went for a bike ride down to the bay, I had wanted to see where that walkway took us to so off we went! I took a picture of him and posted to FB and decided to text one to Randy too, he liked that and commented on how beautiful it is there. Then we got to the end of the cement walkway and we went into the neighborhood and I looked up and there was the Sunset house that I had wanted so badly last fall! OMG I sent to Randy did you know this ends by the house I want? Yuppers he replied....I am going to find a way to own this house someday I texted back...... I am sure it will happen he replied. When we got home I did a small fire ceremony to celebrate the Summer Soltice, I was compelled to burn the scrolls and the business cards from when my ex-partner were doing what he named Inspiristones and I am now using the name SpiritStones so all the printed stuff he had gotten me to pay for was useless, its been one year since our partnership began to crumble and over half a year since we have even spoken, its time to give up on that. I also felt it was time to put the JuJu bag on the fire, the one I had gotten at the Ren Fair the fall that I first started dating Randy and when my old college roomie was with me and we came up with the idea to build CassiesCalendar.com. I feel its a brand new era for me now.... time for fresh new JuJu and experiences!


Wednesday was a work from home day, I was supposed to be hosting a concert at the beach event in the evening but it got cancelled due to rain. We have been getting lots of rainydays this summer but the farmers almanac did predicit, at least so far we havent had those horrible hot above 90 days. In the evening I wanted to go up to the mall and look for a poster for above my couch so Jeremy and I headed up there and looke and looked all over the place to no avail, all I found was an art print in a home decor store for $40 I had to pass, I did get a string of shells for $3 and hung above my kitchen sink. We then went to Wegmans for groceries and I realized its the one Randy and I used to go to for game days, and when I left the store it was 9pm and I wondered if I would see him leaving work at UPS, I know thats his quitting time but I didn't see him. I had him on my mind a lot this day because the angel card was Soul Mate, checking out of the store I saw a book that said "If you want your marriage to work PRAY HARD" so I prayed hard for a husband, wishing it would be him but also being open to whomever.

Thursday nothing too special at the office, I did train the new girl who is going to be helping me so that was nice but she is in meetings 2 days next week and we won't get enough time in for her to cover for me on the 5th that I took off. I have a party planned but so far no one signing up, I may just cancel and do something I always wanted to do and that's go into NYC to see the fireworks. Driving home that night I passed Randy but I didn't think he saw me, so I texted him...we eneded up texting back and forth through the evening and it ended as usual with me being frustrated with him over something, he wants to meet for "benifts" and I am upset when he never came over to help me fix my light or be a friend and besides I told him Jeremy is here now living with me, it seems the powers that be do all they can to keep us apart I told him. I recalled how Mary said they told her for me to leave him be for now and I prayed again for me to do a better job of that. Oh we women are so nutty aren't we? I am bad I know that I am but I know plenty far worse that I LOL, still this is something I need to work on, contacting him just leaves me sad.... It rained that night so I didn't get to go to the Bonfire on the Beach event. I cleaned house and took Jeremy for some supplies. He told me how depressed he is and we discussed some things we were going to do to work on it, hang in there kid I told him and despite how hard it is to have him around I am glad he's here with me so I can help him get back up on his feet again, he's my son and I love him...

Friday, work from home, more rain... nothing on the event calendar, guy who promised me a ride on his motorcycle wrote to cancel and said maybe sunday.. I don't know what I am going to do tonight. Jeremy checked and found out the he didn't get his unemployment money, big mix up mess with the woman who was supposed to help him find a job, he had one interview and her follow up was to make him keep calling the guy every day to ask if he got the job, the guy got annoyed with Jeremy and she wouldn't send him to any other interviews and now she's cancelled his benifits saying he refused to co-operate. What a mess, I told him we will start over down here and see if they can help him get a job, he has been classified as disabled and they are required to help him till he gets a job its so upsetting that you have to fight so hard to get government employees to do thier jobs. He was so depressed he went back to bed by 2pm....lord knows I have had days like this, I let him sleep...tommorow we can go up and get the rest of his stuff from our house and monday I am off so I will take him. He needs a little more help , I am his mom and this is my job..... this rainy day may have us down but it will get better...

Today I want you to keep the hope alive in your heart even when it's raining, don't get too upset if you feel blue somedays and you just want to go back to bed.... You can give yourself that luxury once in awhile, rest, re-fresh and be ready for when the sun shines again! In the meantime........go and find the one who loves you...........



With Love and in the Light, Cassie


Rainy Days and Mondays
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TADXA1651Mw

6-20-11 Knowing When to Help

6-20-11  Knowing When to Help

I have been getting lessons on when and how to help others this weekend.......
Friday I worked from home and since I hadn't slept well the night before I hit the couch for a little nap right after quitting time. That didn't last long, Jeremy called me like 20 min later (what is it about your kids no matter the age as soon as you either fall asleep or get on the phone they want you for something?) lol. He was bored and he was lonely and he's living in our old house all alone. He rigged the electricity and found an old mattress down in the barn and was making due, he said it sure is wierd though being here alone, now you know how I felt since you moved out in January! He started going on about his problems till I started to get chest pains, I finally said you need to go see a profesional because I don't have all the answers for you and you never did listen to me anyway, I told him to come down for a few days he is always welcome and then I hung up. I got my bike out and was going to ride down to the bay but the tires needed air and it started sprinkling rain, I went back inside and it stopped so I decided to drive down, I put on water shoes and got a plastic bag and my little voice said come on put on a little make up, so I did (working from home you get a little lax, I do shower but that's about it when I am home) I parked and walked to where they were fishing and watched for a bit then I saw a hermit crab upside down on the shore line, he was moving his legs and I wondered if I should help him, while debating this one of the fishermen came over and I said I think he's still alive should we help him? He said no leave him be he will right himself her in a bit, and he must have because when I went back he was gone. So I put everyone's troubles out of my mind and I went into town to get a shrimp sandwich and I sat and ate it and listed to the music at open mic night then took a walk by the water.

Saturday I got up and put air in my tires and rode my bike down to the bay to walk, collect shells and stones. There were a lot of horseshoe crabs upside down and I watched them right themselves, I did help one (below) because he had so many things stuck to him, they looked like hermit crabs, but anyway I figured how can he right himself with all these parasites hanging on him? So I helped him and another one that was really far from the water over in a gully. I reflected on how this compares to life, if we get too far from shore we need a little help and we defintely can't help ourselves with a bunch of parasites clinging to us....take lessons from nature as there are plenty of them...

In the afternoon I ran out to get a basket for my bike, I had made a fool of myself earlier trying to get on it with my stiff knees and my bag of shells and ended up on the pavement, my face was red and not just from the sun! So I went and bought a basket, and said a prayer to be able to attach it myself or someone to help me. Then I went to pick up pork roast to make pulled pork in the crock pot for Shawn's first day here and they had boogie boards on sale for $9.99...I HAD to get one! Now I hope I make it down to Sandy Hook tommorow afternoon once I get Shawn settled in.

In the evening was my singles event and boy did that turn out to be a disaster! I had over 30 signed up so I told the place 25, and only 7 showed up! The place billed me for 25 because they made a buffet of food for 25! I had to shell out $375 to pay for it all. My friends were feeling so bad for me, they said box it up and take it home, offer it to the other groups that are there for half off, in the end I just offered it to the other groups for free and called it a loss. God would make it up to me and not leave me to broke, apparently he still does not want me to earn money this way. I didn't stay after that and since Mary had come we talked in the parking lot for a bit. She said Cassie this is not what you are supposed to be doing, the energy in that room was so draining, I can see why you don't enjoy doing this anymore. Everyone has the same old sad story and they don't want to change the same old sad story, and they aren't looking at who the can give to but who can give to them, it's time to change what you are doing. You are right I told her very right, I know that even myself, as far as I have come and as much as I have changed I still have work to do on myself. I suddenly had an ah ha moment! It was time for me to stop trying to help everyone find the right person for a relationship or friendship but instead do things to help them to BE the right person! And as if to confirm this for me Nancy wrote back and agreed to a date for our first Your Yoga event....

Sunday I got up and posted this to facebook:  Happy Fathers Day to all the dads and those who wanted to be Dads and all the ones who got kids as a package deal and became Dads....there arent enough men out there being there for kids, those you who are deserve special praise. I think its very importatnt to honor all fathers or those who act as fathers to kids. I also texted all the Dad's on my phone, even Randy as he is a father to those boys who live with him and they did and do need him. I had already sent my Dad a card and some money. I put the pork roast in the crock pot and went to mass so that I could honor my heavenly father.  Shaun didn't end up getting there till after 4 so I never made it to the beach but we hung out and he took me out for dinner and we did a lot of cathching up and he helped me put the basket on my bike and said he would also help with the light Randy neve came over to fix as he had promised.  He asked about Jeremy and when I told him he said he may be able to help him out as he knows some people, I told him how much I wished Jeremy would come down here and stay sometimes and eventually get an apartment down here and as if on cue Jeremy called! He was all upset and said they put a warrant out on him for missing his court dates and he needed to get out of town, he has posted bail for so many (especailly Mike) but there is no one to return the favor for him so I told him to ride his bike to my office by 4 on Monday and he could come down for a few days to figure all this out. He can arrange to handle things with out having to sit in jail waiting for a court date and Shawn can advise him and be a bit of a buddy to him for awhile, it's almost as if Gus was watching over us and sending some help down for us.....we do need a little....

The other thing I had time to do yesterday while waiting for Shawn was read an article I had printed out titled How the Budda Solved His Marketing Problems hoping it would help me figure out how to earn some extra money with at least one of my talents (reiki, event organizing, my SpiritStones, workshops, something) I won't go into the whole details but what I took away from this is to start practicing a gift mentatily like my friend Wendy does. I am going to go back to doing eveything for free, and take only what people wish to donate if anything and trust in my God to supply all my needs. Money really does change everything and not for the better, I have never gone hungry or homeless the main thing is to get it out there, to heal to help to teach and to guide. And like Beth advised when I wrote to her and to Wendy for advice on this I will use my intuition to sort out the takers, to know when to help and when to stand back and let people help themselves. Its time to fine tune and know where and when and how to help and also know when to step back and let people learn to do some for themselves.

Today take a look around your own life, do you have parasites clinging to you who never give back or help out? Are you helping the ones who really do need your help and giving to them when they are in need? The bible says cast not your pearls before swine and it means don't waste your gifts and your talents, but it also teachs that if a man asks for your coat give him also your cloack too. Pray for guidance to know the difference........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

6-17-11 Who Shows Up

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Rumi

6-17-11 Who Shows Up

This week has been all about lessons on who is showing up in my life right now and who isn't....and finding contentment in that..

Tuesday night was my first Dining for Donations event, it was to aid patient advocate foundation, a very worthy cause. I was dissapointed at the turn out though, only about 9 people came and I was expecting 40. Many bailed at the last minute for reasons unknown, I really don't know why it's so hard to get people to come out anymore, the economy and the gas prices I suppose have a lot to do with it.  I had told my roomate Suresh about it and my social network site and he says "you mean you are THAT Cassie? wow that's great!" He said you are so good at bringing people together. Honestly though I feel I am losing my touch, as my buddy so delicately told me when he came last night, he said a few years ago you just had this glow about you, I used to read about what you were doing and plan that as soon as I didn't have a girlfriend again I would come out to your events. LOL I was glad he came though and got to meet Mary, he always used to say he didn't want to hear any of the crap and BS my psycic advisor told me that I needed to live in reality! hahaha He told her he said that to me all the time but he could see how nice she is, she said she wasn't the least bit offened that she too told me all the time that I have to make my own descions and choices and that I do. After everyone left Mary and I talked for a bit, we always talk about Randy when I have things on my mind concerning him, we both agreed that it was better that he stay with them because he feels like he is better than them, with me he alwasy felt inferior and fearful of losing me. I recalled his messes and his mentality and his failure to ever pay for dinner or buy me little gifts and agreed. But then she asked me, why Cassie do you suppose that you still love him so much? still think about him so much? and he you, because he does he really does love you. I see that you are moving on and dating others and trying to build your life but I know its him that you love. I haven't a clue I said, not a clue.......it just is but I wish it wasnt but perhaps I still have something to learn here.... I left there about 8:30 and started driving home in the rain, as I got near the rt 9 exit I wondered if I would see him as he was heading home from work, I decided that I would rather not see him as it would be sad to pass and wave knowing we were heading to different homes and different lives just a few blocks away from one another... I put him out of my mind and I put my mind to thinking of a logo and slogan for the Yoga classes for heavy people that I discussed setting up with the woman Mary introduced me to. I had gotten all excited when we were making plans to do yoga on the beach and I said Mary you told me that I would be setting up yoga classes on the beach! I did she said? Yes you did! I put my mind on that and came up with a pretty good design and made a logo when I got home:

Wednesday was a work from home day and I hit the computer by 6am and got lots done. My boss sent me a notice for our one on one for the following day and I felt excited and nervous at the same time. Would I finally get a promotion? Or would he start making plans to get rid of me? The new girl who I am going to be training sent me a message saying she would also come from PA and meet me in person too and I was happy about that. Then the announcement of her accepting the position with our group came out and not only does she have a degree she has a masters too! And she is manager level! Who was I kidding thinking I was training her to help me? I probably was training her to be my boss, as has happend to me countless times before. I am good, and they always know that, and that I am smart..but I never got that piece of paper, and it really does matter don't let anyone say differently....I sat there for a few seconds feeling dijected but my little voice whispered to me: but you never wanted to be corporate, remember? Ya ya I know that is true, but I wanted to make more money I thought back to the voice in my head, I wanted enough so I can travel someday.... When I got done with my work I wasn't tired and didn't feel the need for a nap (I had prayed to have more energy) so I went out and worked in my yard, I still have flowers to get planted and I got some sage and lavender for my clay strawberry pot. I gave up growing strawberries the birds eat them all, I do have them all over my new back yard, but just tiny ones, not big enough for me to eat but it keeps my back yard full of birds! After yard work I cooked spagetti like my mom used to, Kraft out of a box but I like it that way! Once it got dark I went out to my back yard and sparked up the fire pit to do my own mini full moon ceremony and sent my intentions to the universe and let of what doesn't serve me....

Thursday as I headed out of my room to go to work I glanced at my Attract my soulmate collage I had made last fall, I generally read the pink hearts on it that have my intentions of what I desire in my perfect mate and I notice that I have "shows up when I need him" listed twice, seemed fitting though as that is the biggie for me, the one thing that has been so very lacking in my whole life, and oddly enough Randy's weakest point. He shows up on "randy time", whenever he's done playing and nobody is calling him to hang and he doesnt want a nap and basically just when he has nothing else left to do he shows up to help, for 5 minutes.... Last summer he had me conivnced he was not that person anymore, that his family had taught him responsibility, but if its true I sure hadn't seen it, its now three days since he said he'd come fix my basement light and I haven't heard a peep out of him. My message from Neal Donald Walsh of the day made me think:
I believe God wants you to know...

...that this is probably a good time for you to re-set

your priorities. Decide anew what's important to you.

If it's been a while since you've looked at this, maybe

you should stop what you're doing and look at it today.

What is really important right now? WHO is really

important right now?

And I realized that I was giving far too much of my energy to him, to finding a man at all really. I said to God but please I do want a husband... my voice said: I am working on that can't you just trust me on this? Ok lord I can trust you on this .....

The meeting with my boss went well, no promotion though, however he gave me and Award for my work on the credo team, thats a small monetary bonus, enough for two lobster dinners or one credit card payment. LOL He then said about that e-mail you sent to Bernard (the big boss) I blushed some and said I was not critsizing this group but I was so very concerned about that for our company as a whole I felt it needed to be mentioned and he agreed that it was timely and a good idea and he sat there and showed me that he had done it and discussed his plans and asked me if I wanted to help and I said yes! We also talked about how I can move to the next level, why I don't want to get a degree and general plans and I was quite satisified, even if I didn't get a promotion I so much need and I feel deserve... I must say though at lunch I got the chineese selection in the cafe and my fortune cookie said: You will be doing lots of traveling. I took it as a sign, a job is not the only way to earn money and I would much prefer to earn money by helping others with my Reiki, my workshops, perhaps a published book someday...  I spent the afternoon training the new girl and was happy to get out of there to head home, tommorow was friday and a work from home day! Going to my car I wondered if I would pass Randy on 35 and hoped that I would not, I got my wish but swore to not wish that again as traffic was bad even early and it took me a hour and a half to get home, I didn't hit 35 till well after his time to start work. I got home did a few things then went back out for a haircut and to go to Walmart for a few things. Driving back from Walmart traffic was so bad that I turned at Randy's exit so as to get off 35 sooner and also get a glimpse of the bay before going home, I thought of him as I drove past the turn to his street and remined myself again that if I could just be happy and like him for the things I do like and not be annoyed with him for the things he is not or doesn't do life would be easier   I suddenly realised that the real thing here was to not expect ANYthing from ANYone other than God. I wanted a man to help me, I wanted that to be Randy but instead he sent me others, I wanted him to buy me dinner but he did not but other friends do, I wanted a promotion at my job so that I can afford to travel but I have that promise that it will happen, I guess that all we need to do is set our intentions and see how it shows up, see who shows up and be happy about that. I want my son to come here and stay with me to help fix things but he is not doing that yet, I did get a call from Shawn who is moving in sunday, he will help me I know that... I am not alone I have soon three roomates, tons of friends, projects to work on. I still want a husband but I am not going to set my sights on anyone, I am going to let God pick for me, by sitting here and waiting to see who shows up......... When I got home I saw that about the time I had that thought Randy had texted Hi...instead of being annoyed with him I just texted back Hi...... that's as much as he's going to be showing up in my life right now and that's OK....

What about you? Who or what is showing up in your life right now? Are you showing the proper gratitude and accepting the gift that each person in in your life? Even if you can't see it now, trust me each boat that docks at your shore brings to you great treasures...........

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

6-14-11 New Beginings

6-14-11  Birthing  New Beginings

Are you ready for the full moon lunar eclipse tomorrow? Have you decided on what new beginnings you want for yourself?  It's time, it's time.........


Saturday I got up early and headed out to check out the town wide yard sales before the rain came. I had a blast, the houses are so cute and the people are so friendly. I got three seaside pictures and a starfish lantern for $5, chair pads for my patio furniture for a dollar each, a tin lighthouse that I can put a candle in for $3, and for only $1 I got a four foot purple fish! I think it will look nice in my reiki/yoga room, it even matches my lava lamp! After it started to rain though I went and treated myself to a pedicure, I couldn't believe how much cheaper it is down here to get one and they stay open till 7 or 8pm on week nights! wow The girl who did mine turns out she's been living with some guy for 2 and a half years and he won't marry her and she wants to get married and have kids, she's 32. I told her start looking for a new one! Funny to as my priest friend from college, the one who used to hide us pledges at the monastery posted an article on Cohabitation it makes some interesting points, I never judge anyone or say anything is wrong or a sin, because I may have settled for this myself a few times, but I believe that it is just that, settling for more than we deserve. After that I went to catch a movie and was charged a matinee price at 2:30 in the afternoon! WOW in my old town they only gave matinee prices before noon, down here its 6pm! After the movie I came home and took a nap because I wanted to go check out Karaoke.... But when I woke up I just wasn't in the mood so I decided to go for a walk down to the bay, it was nice and I got a few stones and a few shells, I didn't take and SpritStones to put in the water, much like ever since I have moved here I don't throw out spiritstones by Randy's turn off, my spirit says I am here, I don't need to leave my stones.... I was thinking of him walking back, wondering what he was doing and he texted me......Hi....Hi I sent back, wondering if he was going to ask to see me.......he did not reply to my Hi, not sure if he got it or just got busy but i got home and I got distracted at home with messages and e-mails and my other roomate moving in, and a guy from biker or not asking me to go out with him tomorrow... Randy never texted me back but he did reply OK to my I don't need you after all I already fixed my mower myself. That's Randy always too little too late.........

Sunday I was chatting with my older boy Dustin, he was disappointed because he found a house in Ohio near my father that he wants to buy but since he is not getting out for 9 more months they declined him. I told him not to worry that God would have the perfect home in the perfect timing and to trust in him. I told him that I didn't get what I thought I wanted at all but I couldn't be happier with where I am now, even the fact that I am renting. I reflected on the walk I took last night to the bay and how the road going up to the other two houses I tried to get was flooded, had I gotten them I would have had to go very far around, too far to be reasonable to walk to get to the bay. This was so much better, plus I pass Randy's Mom's house on my walk and say a prayer for her when I passed by...I worry about her there all alone and wish he'd let us be friends, she always liked me so,  but we can't because of his "family" whom I bet never goes to see her. I got a call on Sunday morning from Jeremy and he had spent the night at the old house, no furniture, no electricity, and because the well pump was off no water either. He told me what happened how Rene had some to Wawa and called Mike pretending to be with Jeremy so he threw his clothes out on the porch and locked him out. So that why Mike was texting me at midnight I said well this is the third and final straw, I am skipping church and my date with the BON guy and coming up to move you out. I drove to Flemington and he and his friends and I got all his stuff out and took it to the old house and brought some to my house, I half hoped he would move in with me and half hoped he would not. He came down and fixed my mower and we took his friend to see some sights but he went home with them and only left a few things with me. On the one hand I am glad he isn't staying but I also need help sometimes.....dear God send me a man to help me fix these things around the house i prayed that evening. As if on cue Randy started e-mailing me, I told him I needed help with a light can he come over soon and he said yes, I am off tomorrow I said and he said I am off till 5...great I said just text me before you come over I have a couple errands to run....

Monday the Angel Card of the day was New Beginnings.....I went to get my car inspected for my new insurance and told them how I had moved there and felt uncomfortable not having my sons anymore, the guy there told me not to worry come in anytime they will look at the car for free and he put on the wiper blades I bought and didn't charge labor for that. I left there and was heading to the grocery store so I could get home and wait for Randy but a song came on the radio, a woman singing about I won't let you have my man....in that moment I thought, she's not going to let him out of her sight today ( I think she reads his e-mail he's dumb enough to not change his password frequently or log out) I proved to be right about that as he never texted or came over to help me, I never heard from him at all, I can't blame her though he chooses that over me everytime despite how unhappy he claims he is.  By 2pm I prayed again God please send me a man to help me around here......I got a message from Shawn my ex-husbands high school chum and he asked was I looking for a roommate. I told him no I had found two, well to make a long story short though he is going to come rent my basement for awhile while he looks for a permanent place. I can use the extra money but I have lived with him before, we get along for awhile....(he cooks and he fixes things) but in time his slob behavior and my neat nick behavior butt heads too many times. But hey my prayer of help was answered! And in the evening I did end up having the date with the BON guy..it was nice..I wasn't all jumping for joy but I will give it a chance, he did pay for dinner and walked me to the car and gave me a little kiss... we both said we wanted to meet again.....

Wednesday is another long-total-lunar-eclipse time to make those intentions of what you want to see change, what new beginnings you want to birth in your life....... because like I said before, weather you want it or not, change is coming.......you may as well steer your boat a little .......but don't worry....a change will do you good.........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Sheryl Crow - "A Change Would Do You Good" b/w music video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ikjmz_SlGhg

My Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse Intentions, if according to God's will and perfect plan for all

• Spiritual Husband, the perfect match for us both and for the greater good
• Dept free but have all I need when I need
• to travel
• a promotion at work
• for my son's to find girlfriends and be happy
• to help others, with cassies co-opertive and cassies calendar and any other way
• a home with a water view someday
• clients for my Reiki practice
• give work shops to help others and earn money

PS this came in from The Secret so I am adding to my list
From The Secret Daily Teachings
The process of creation is the same for all things, whether you want to bring something to you or remove something negative from your life.

If you have a habit you wish to break, or anything negative you wish to remove from your life, you must focus on what you want. That means you visualize and imagine yourself in that negative-free state right now. Imagine yourself in as many scenes as you possibly can where the negative situation is completely absent. Imagine yourself happy and free. Eliminate any picture from your mind of you with the negative situation. Just imagine yourself in the state you want to be in, and feel that you are that, right now.

• I will be a healthy weight so that I can hike and ride my bike far
• I will have plenty of money so that I can travel
• I will be paitent with all people and situations
• I will have lots of energy on 5hrs of sleep
• I will have a loving , giving, spiritual partner to share my life

6-10-11 A New Language

Speak a new language so that
the world will be a new world.
Rumi

6-10-11  A New Language

This week has been all about doing things differnetly, speaking a new language...to myself.....
Tuesday at work was un-eventful. I made plans with Pamela to meet for lunch next week and go over the new CassiesCalendar she is going to build for me. Later in the afternoon I got an e-mail from Randy, a reply to the one of if we are only neighbors then so be it but that means you can't touch me, his reply to that was  No problem, I will be moving on... me being me thouhgt that meant he wasn't going to even be my friend and I had to get my final say in: thats your choice--i really dont know why you ever thought i was going to be the type who would put up with you sneaking over at midnight for a quickie now and again while you give your home your money and your love to people who never do a damn thing to take care of you or your home or be there when you need something when I always did when i was your girlfriend--good luck with them And so it ended i thought.... at this point I was so numb to his barbs it barely hurt, I have grown a nice callous over the soft spot I have for Randy.... *sigh*  But then driving home from work, for the second day in a row I passed him on his way to work and I couldnt resist texting him. (I see you all rolling your eyes out there at me LOL) He called and we talked and he was so pleased that we passed each other, he said now you are going to start following me and see where I go out at night I bet and I said noooooo I go to bed about the time you come home from work. Since he was being so nice I decided to ask him if he would pick up a mattress in his truck for me if I could find one on free cycle for my roomate. Ooooohh so thats the car I been seeing parked at your house.........what are you doing driving past my house I asked? I always come home that way  he said so I can go past my Mom's to check on her, now I check on you too he said. It was nice to be talking to him as a friend again, I gotta admit I feel more content now. It only hurts me to be mad at him for not giving me what I want and being who I want.

Wednesday I worked from home and got a lot of work done. that made me feel really good. I am getting a little paranoid because my boss had told me he wanted me to teach him how to do my job, on the premise that he could help me when I am on vacation but that also means sometimes that you are going to get laid off... I remembered that I was supposed to have a date with Joey and that I hadn't heard from him so late afternoon I logged on POF to send him a message and ask if we were still on..to my astonishment he had closed his account! Sheeeesssseee I have all the luck don't I?! I am just going to have to go out to the bars here on the weekend and meet some real time guys. I did some work around the house, the basement is shaping up more and more. Jeremy called and asked for prayer for him and Mike as they found out that next month he is going to be homeless as social services will no longer have any money to pay his rent, only if he can get declared disabled, which honestly he does have some issues....course I think part of his bad luck may be that he's switched faiths but I am not sure on that one I need to study it more.  Marie came home from work and wanted to mow the yard I told her it was too hot (in the 90's) but she ended up doing it anyway, she is so glad that I am giving her a break on the rent... I then cooked real pudding on the stove like my grandma used to make me, I had milk that was going bad in a day or so and I missed real cooked pudding, and that is what grandma always did with milk soon to expire!  This inspired me to get out all the recipes I been saving. I then sat down to send out my CassiesCalendar newsletter and I got a text from Randy...did you pass me tonight he asked? I said no I worked from home today but I will look for you tomorrow I said........blow the horn when you pass by neighbor he sent back......I will I said, neighbor.

Thursday I got up and headed to work, taking a nice deep sniff of the sea water as I passed over the drawbridge in Laurence Harbor, commute time was just about 30 minutes! Yay!

I read an article about how-recent-solar-flares-are-affecting-us and it said that they were awakening our cellular memories and among one way we felt this was by hot flashes. (and here I thought it was menopause) LOL I had a talk with one of my co-workers because I saw her pictures on facebook where she visited a shooting range the day before and told her how I am making a menatal list of my friends talents in case of a disaster that changes the world, this one can grow food, this one can shoot a gun, that one can build things... I also told her about the solar flares and the article. She's a good friend she listens to me when I talk about this stuff. After work I headed home and I did look for and I did see Randy on the way home, he had been watching for me too and he beeped and waved and I did the same. He texted me: I see you!.. I replied I see you too! I don't know why this makes us so happy but it does. I then went out and got a part for my lawn mower and some sun blocking curtains for my living room to save on cooling bills (it had been 105 that day). I worried about how I was going to get the part on the mower so we could finish the yard and finally I wrote and asked Randy if he could stop by for a few and put it on, offering for him to leave a bag or two of garbage in trade for his help..... I can be paitent and wait for him to find time to do this, while also looking for someone else. My new language with him is not one of hurt if he can't show up when I need him, he is NOT my man he is thiers. I still pray for God to bring me my own man, one of the things on my list is shows up when I need him....Randy never did then he sure won't now.

Friday was another work from home day, generally fridays are a bit slow but this one was not, I had a big conference call in the morning and the complaints were flying is as were the e-mails. Oh well the more I work the more job security I have. I talked to my one work friend about my fears too of getting let go since my boss asked to learn my job and she said don't be silly, you do so much work and there are some who do so little, besides J&J NEVER fires anyone they just move them ( well except when its budget cuts). This is true I know they do just "recycle" you someplace else. Sort of like what happens to our souls, no one is ever thrown away. But anyway I was also reading on Facebook and my friend Mari posted an old Oprah Winfrey video on surrender that really spoke to me. It's a good one I highly reccomend watching it. I realized how I must surrender a mate coming to me to share my life with and just let God take care of it. I keep trying to make it happen or manipultate the situation and I just shouldnt. Just to illistrate my point he replied to my pleading e-mail of coming to put on the lawnmower filter that I had sent last night, he said I'll try soon, I had gone out and struggled till I got it on myself so I replied never mind... I need to speak a new language to myself, one of I don't need a man for anything, I can take care of myself and when I can't God will send someone. That will make me a better partner for when I do find my mate as I won't be so nagging to get him to do things, I will ask once and he will either do it or I will do it or someone else will come along... The langage of love should never be a language of I want I need please do, give or feel...

Tonight I am going to drive over to the bay and check out that little bar my friend told me about and have a drink and enjoy the water view. Maybe I will meet someone to talk to, maybe I won't but I will enjoy...and if someone does come over to talk to me and show interest I am just going to talk ....not do my usual 20 questions could you be the one questions... (oh come on most of you single women out there know just the questions I mean).

Today I want you to think about what language you use, what do you tell yourself that you need? What do you show the world that you want? Is it time to speak something else? Think in a new way? Are you ready for a new world? One's coming with or without you.........can you make your changes GOOD changes?


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

6-6-11 Re-Writing the Signs

6-6-11  Re-Writing The Signs

Saturday I did quite a bit more un-packing and organizing and then the POF guy wanted to see me so I told him perhaps late afternoon once I ran my errands. I went to Home Depot to return the gas cap and get more mulch and flowers and stone. Felt good to be using cash again and not credit. Next stop K-mart for casual canvans sneakers and potting soil for the continer garden i am making for peppers. Bathing suits were 50% off so I picked one out. Next I had a Fashion Bug coupon that came in the mail and I was thrilled to recall that there is a local store! It's one of my faves. Next was Sears, I had to get parts for the lawn mower I got off Freecycle, I hoped Randy didn't see me, I saw his truck and knew he was working. In the afternoon the POF guy texted that he was going to nap till 6 could he seem me after that but I told him I had plans for later, which I did. If I really wanted to see him I'd try harder but I don't. Marie showed up to move some of her stuff in, poor thing has no bed I have to find her one on free cycle. I napped a bit then worked in the yard a short while then got dressed up to got Bhars to meet my friends for Karaoke, everyone was glad to see me and I got up to sing back up for one song and they took pictures of me, and one asked me was I doing my Reiki and I said not lately but soon. They didn't stay late, too many people in the rotation to get to sing so when they left  I went out and sat by the water a bit before heading home. I couldn't help but miss Randy and our times together there last year. I checked my e-mail when I got home and he had sent me one asking to borrow the paint spray gun.... Some how I need to make peace with us just being neighbors, I think I can do that......if I never let him touch me that is....... *sigh*  I also got an e-mail from the woman who bought some SpiritStones, she said she wants to take a walk down the block and meet me for coffee I was very glad to hear it, people are so friendly down here...

Sunday I had hoped to make it to mass but the day just got away from me, I spent a good deal of time organizing in the basement though and I do so need to get that done so I can start doing my Reiki and my workshops and organize the SpiritStones I have left and see about figuring a way to sell those again. I rolled out the carpet and wished Jeremy was here to shampoo it, and to also fix the over head lights that suddenly aren't working. I tired new bulbs I think I need a new starter. I sure wish he had been able to get a ride down here.... I also need the mower fixed too and I refuse to ask Randy. I am stubborn like that LOL I was reading my facebook page and saw an this article how to read signs from the universe and it sort of helped me with the whole soulmate thing, it has held me back wanting him because of the signs we both got but this article pretty much said that I can make my own signs by changing my vibration and thinking about what I want. He really had been a lot of the things, and especially the really BIG thing that I did NOT want and that was not emotionally present to the relationship, it felt so comfortable to me because I was so used to it...

Monday was a pretty good day at the office, I had been thinking for some time about writing the big boss in Ireland about something bothering me about our group, a non-compliance issue. It nagged at me again this morning so I asked a co-worked in another group if she felt it was a good idea and she said yes, I figured it was a good time with new management coming on board so I got brave and sent it. My supervisor also IMed with me a bit and said he wants to learn more how to do what I do so I said I would teach him. He wants me to have back up for when I go on vacation and also help so that I can learn new things and hopefully move up eventually. I heard from a guy on POF that I had dated a couple years ago, Joey is his name, the timing wasn't right because I had just broken up with Randy and still had him on my mind, so we made a date for Wednesday night. I came home, shampooed the basement carpet, went and got more dirt and finished potting my flowers and then I decide to tackle the mower. I put in new oil, the new gas cap and threw out the tin foil they had on it, and filled it with Gas. I had no idea what to do with that spark plug thingy so I left that for a guy to do and another part fell off, I think that's a filter of some sort, I messed with it and it would not start, I tried and tried and tried to no avail, I almost texted Randy but then Marie came home and she tried. Then she read the instructions on the side and it said to push some buttom 5 times, then I recalled doing that when I was a kid back in Ohio...after 5 min I found it and then it started on the first pull! Hoooray! Marie mowed the front yard and we said we'd do the back tommorow night. Not bad for a free-cycle mower and two women! A good day indeed, I don't need Randy I can muddle through on my own untill God brings me my perfect mate.....time to start envisioning something better....

Today I want you to look at where you are and ask yourself did you get where you wanted to be? Did you get the things that you wanted? The relationships that you desire? Did things turn out "right" or "wrong"? If you are less than satisified then its time to erase the signs that got you where you are, be thankful for the memories and experinces that your path brought you to, and re-write the signs! Forge a new trail and see where that one will get you! Everyday is a brand new day.......with brand new signs........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

6-3-11 The Path Before Me

I want to be where
your bare foot walks,
because maybe before you step,
you will look at the ground.
I want that blessing.
Rumi ♥

6-3-11   The Path Before Me


This week has been all about setting off on a new path......

Well the first party in my new home was quite a success! It was small, 20 or 25 only but we did all so very much enjoy the day, despite the heat and the mosquitos in my back yard (we spent a lot of time insiden with my lovely central AC that I always wanted) haha. We started the day by going down to see the parade in town and then we took a walk along the water and looked at the boats, everyone loves my new little town. A couple people went up to Jeremy and told him they read my blog and were proud of him for telling off Randy. I suppose I am proud of him too for looking out for me and being strong when I was weak and making too many excuses. That's what family is all about, holding each other up when the other needs it. This is the kind of stuff that Randy knows nothing about, it's not his fault, he just wasn't taught. and the fact that he prefers to play with the boys instead of come home to dinner with someone who loves him also is not his fault, its the way he was raised. What is his fault is leading woman after woman after woman down the path to belive that he really wanted a real relationship with them. Then again I suppose he *thinks* he wants that and he hasn't yet examined his own actions and seen that he never does what he says he wants, not fully anyway. But anyway the party was great and they even asked me to bring out my box of SpiritStones and two people bought some and I put special intentions in them for thier current needs.

Tuesday I woke up bright and early and rushed out the door because it's was first day back to work and I had to take Jeremy and Mike back to Flemington before going to work. I left at 6:30 am and the drive time to the office was 35 minutes, only 10 more than from Flemington! Woo hoo! However....I left work at 5pm and did not get home till 6:30 pm! UGH! But I managed to not get too upset and I spent the time stuck in traffic to pray for the area and the people on the roads and I tossed out a SpiritStone or two to bless the area with good energy. The house seemed lonely with out all the people but I also relished the quiet. I just felt a tiny bit sad for having moved all the way down there and part of the hope in that was thinking I would be heading towards having a life partner. In a way though I felt it was because God still had more work for me to do that I wouldnt give enough attention to and then as if to confirm it my cousins son who is about 12 or so posted on facebook: if you are still SINGLE. it is because GOD isn`t ready to share you yet. I am kinda annoyed with God about this one, makes me feel like I want to be stubborn and not do anything to help anyone anymore....but of course that's not who I am at all...

Wednesday I got up and left about 7am, that took me 45 minutes to get to work so I made a note to set the alarm earlier. I left at 4:30 instead of 5pm but still took 1.5 hrs to get home, I just hit traffic back ups closer to home instead of right out of work. I set the alarm earlier that night... I also showed the room to someone and he decided that he liked it and wanted to move in the next week, I told him that I can not hold the room for him once he pays it's his so he called back later and said he would be by on friday to pay. I paid some bills and wasn't out of money and feeling a little better about finances. I was low on cash but I had a check Ralph had sent me as a donation for helping to promote his events, and then I got a check from google ads! Seems like I am now making $20 a month from my ad clicks instead of the 50 cents I had been! I posted my singles event for the 18th at The Sports Zone around some more too, I really need to do well with that one.

Thursday I got up and left by 6:45 and got to work early enough that I could leave at 4pm.. well more like 4:10 because I got to yapping to someone but that was only a 45 min ride , I was near home before 5pm. Looks like I am getting my time down, thank God for a flexible work schedule! I was much happier too because friday's I work from home so I decided to scope out the exact location of the bank so that I could run out at my lunch break to cash my check. I found the bank and OMG it was still open! At 5pm! The ones near work close at 4 on week days and noon on saturdays. This one stays open till 7 pm! and till 4pm on saturdays! Wow! That was worth a few more commute minutes in itself! I went home all happy and was moving stuff out of the room for Suresh and I took a look at the pile to have a yard sale and felt inspired to freecycle it all. Its more blessed to give and I know people would love that stuff.

Friday I got up and tried to connect my work lap top to the wi-fi, that turned out to be a very long ordeal, and I ended up having to work till 7pm to make up the time, but it had to be done sometime and now I am good to go. Someone else called about the apartment and came to see it, she is a woman in her mid 50's and seemed very nice and very in need. When she asked me if I would take a bit less on the rent I faltered though, but then she said she would do work for the extra bit and I recalled how Mary had told me that someone would come and would do yard work and such for a break on the rent. So I told her that I would take off $25 a week since that is what the lawn mowing guy charges (he had come to the door earlier that day but I told him I would do it myself). She said let me look at the other places and can I come back later and pay if I want it? Sure I said I am working home all day I will be here. Suresh then came in the early afternoon and paid me for a month in advance and got his key and said he would be moving stuff in but not sleeping here till the 11th. I went to shake his hand and he hugged me! LOL  Marie then called and said she was coming back with money and wanted to move in the next day..so there I had to clean  out the boxes from her room too! She only had enough for one week so I gave her the this is my grocery money my gas money I have to use credit cards if you don't pay me in time... I showed her the yard, the mower and the seeds and flowers I want planted and told her to not push too hard, two or three hours a week is enough to make up the difference and she said oh I want to do this I love it. She then hugged me too before she left and I have a very good feeling about my two new roomates!

In the evening I was relaxing and checking my facebook and a friend had posted looking for something fun to do and I posted the Red Bank River Fest event for her and a guy posted saying wow thats 15 min from me, turns out he lives in Cliffwood Beach also so I friended him, he accepted and said hey are you the Cassie who had those awesome BBQ's I used to come to? YES that's me I wrote back and we yapped a bit, turns out he lives around the corner from Randy. I told him to stop over sometime, we made plans to meet at a bar in town so he could introduce me around (he told me which is the best one to go hang at) and I also promised to invite him to my 4th of July BBQ. I am just so excited about my new home, my new town, my new path....even if, at least for now, I still walk alone.....

Today I want you to look at the path before you, we are moving into a new cycle of change and things are going to be different we just passed through a new moon and a partial solar eclipse that initiated a sequence, on the 15th we will have another full moon total lunar eclipse, then the soltice and another new moon partial solar eclipse. The path before you will be full of changes and energies, some pleasant and some not so pleasant but most of all this month is a month to move forward and get things done........ Are you ready to go foward or are you going to have to be pushed? A new path is here, how you chose to travel it is up to you..........

With Love and In The Light, Cassie