6-10-11 A New Language

Speak a new language so that
the world will be a new world.
Rumi

6-10-11  A New Language

This week has been all about doing things differnetly, speaking a new language...to myself.....
Tuesday at work was un-eventful. I made plans with Pamela to meet for lunch next week and go over the new CassiesCalendar she is going to build for me. Later in the afternoon I got an e-mail from Randy, a reply to the one of if we are only neighbors then so be it but that means you can't touch me, his reply to that was  No problem, I will be moving on... me being me thouhgt that meant he wasn't going to even be my friend and I had to get my final say in: thats your choice--i really dont know why you ever thought i was going to be the type who would put up with you sneaking over at midnight for a quickie now and again while you give your home your money and your love to people who never do a damn thing to take care of you or your home or be there when you need something when I always did when i was your girlfriend--good luck with them And so it ended i thought.... at this point I was so numb to his barbs it barely hurt, I have grown a nice callous over the soft spot I have for Randy.... *sigh*  But then driving home from work, for the second day in a row I passed him on his way to work and I couldnt resist texting him. (I see you all rolling your eyes out there at me LOL) He called and we talked and he was so pleased that we passed each other, he said now you are going to start following me and see where I go out at night I bet and I said noooooo I go to bed about the time you come home from work. Since he was being so nice I decided to ask him if he would pick up a mattress in his truck for me if I could find one on free cycle for my roomate. Ooooohh so thats the car I been seeing parked at your house.........what are you doing driving past my house I asked? I always come home that way  he said so I can go past my Mom's to check on her, now I check on you too he said. It was nice to be talking to him as a friend again, I gotta admit I feel more content now. It only hurts me to be mad at him for not giving me what I want and being who I want.

Wednesday I worked from home and got a lot of work done. that made me feel really good. I am getting a little paranoid because my boss had told me he wanted me to teach him how to do my job, on the premise that he could help me when I am on vacation but that also means sometimes that you are going to get laid off... I remembered that I was supposed to have a date with Joey and that I hadn't heard from him so late afternoon I logged on POF to send him a message and ask if we were still on..to my astonishment he had closed his account! Sheeeesssseee I have all the luck don't I?! I am just going to have to go out to the bars here on the weekend and meet some real time guys. I did some work around the house, the basement is shaping up more and more. Jeremy called and asked for prayer for him and Mike as they found out that next month he is going to be homeless as social services will no longer have any money to pay his rent, only if he can get declared disabled, which honestly he does have some issues....course I think part of his bad luck may be that he's switched faiths but I am not sure on that one I need to study it more.  Marie came home from work and wanted to mow the yard I told her it was too hot (in the 90's) but she ended up doing it anyway, she is so glad that I am giving her a break on the rent... I then cooked real pudding on the stove like my grandma used to make me, I had milk that was going bad in a day or so and I missed real cooked pudding, and that is what grandma always did with milk soon to expire!  This inspired me to get out all the recipes I been saving. I then sat down to send out my CassiesCalendar newsletter and I got a text from Randy...did you pass me tonight he asked? I said no I worked from home today but I will look for you tomorrow I said........blow the horn when you pass by neighbor he sent back......I will I said, neighbor.

Thursday I got up and headed to work, taking a nice deep sniff of the sea water as I passed over the drawbridge in Laurence Harbor, commute time was just about 30 minutes! Yay!

I read an article about how-recent-solar-flares-are-affecting-us and it said that they were awakening our cellular memories and among one way we felt this was by hot flashes. (and here I thought it was menopause) LOL I had a talk with one of my co-workers because I saw her pictures on facebook where she visited a shooting range the day before and told her how I am making a menatal list of my friends talents in case of a disaster that changes the world, this one can grow food, this one can shoot a gun, that one can build things... I also told her about the solar flares and the article. She's a good friend she listens to me when I talk about this stuff. After work I headed home and I did look for and I did see Randy on the way home, he had been watching for me too and he beeped and waved and I did the same. He texted me: I see you!.. I replied I see you too! I don't know why this makes us so happy but it does. I then went out and got a part for my lawn mower and some sun blocking curtains for my living room to save on cooling bills (it had been 105 that day). I worried about how I was going to get the part on the mower so we could finish the yard and finally I wrote and asked Randy if he could stop by for a few and put it on, offering for him to leave a bag or two of garbage in trade for his help..... I can be paitent and wait for him to find time to do this, while also looking for someone else. My new language with him is not one of hurt if he can't show up when I need him, he is NOT my man he is thiers. I still pray for God to bring me my own man, one of the things on my list is shows up when I need him....Randy never did then he sure won't now.

Friday was another work from home day, generally fridays are a bit slow but this one was not, I had a big conference call in the morning and the complaints were flying is as were the e-mails. Oh well the more I work the more job security I have. I talked to my one work friend about my fears too of getting let go since my boss asked to learn my job and she said don't be silly, you do so much work and there are some who do so little, besides J&J NEVER fires anyone they just move them ( well except when its budget cuts). This is true I know they do just "recycle" you someplace else. Sort of like what happens to our souls, no one is ever thrown away. But anyway I was also reading on Facebook and my friend Mari posted an old Oprah Winfrey video on surrender that really spoke to me. It's a good one I highly reccomend watching it. I realized how I must surrender a mate coming to me to share my life with and just let God take care of it. I keep trying to make it happen or manipultate the situation and I just shouldnt. Just to illistrate my point he replied to my pleading e-mail of coming to put on the lawnmower filter that I had sent last night, he said I'll try soon, I had gone out and struggled till I got it on myself so I replied never mind... I need to speak a new language to myself, one of I don't need a man for anything, I can take care of myself and when I can't God will send someone. That will make me a better partner for when I do find my mate as I won't be so nagging to get him to do things, I will ask once and he will either do it or I will do it or someone else will come along... The langage of love should never be a language of I want I need please do, give or feel...

Tonight I am going to drive over to the bay and check out that little bar my friend told me about and have a drink and enjoy the water view. Maybe I will meet someone to talk to, maybe I won't but I will enjoy...and if someone does come over to talk to me and show interest I am just going to talk ....not do my usual 20 questions could you be the one questions... (oh come on most of you single women out there know just the questions I mean).

Today I want you to think about what language you use, what do you tell yourself that you need? What do you show the world that you want? Is it time to speak something else? Think in a new way? Are you ready for a new world? One's coming with or without you.........can you make your changes GOOD changes?


With Love and in the Light, Cassie