Let Marriage Thrive!

This is why I will hold out for a man who will marry me, intsead of just live together. As the Bishop said: Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.
Anything less would diminish our spirits, and the world has enough of that......

For those of us who dream to be married to a like minded soul......let us never give up on that dream and follow it as far as we need to go to find them.

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Prince William & Catherine Middleton

Friday 29 April 2011 at Westminster Abbey

The Bishop of London's Sermon

29th April 2011

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.  

In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.

William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

And in the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to each another.

A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.

It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled it is necessary a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

You have both made your decision today – “I will” – and by making this new relationship, you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race.

We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely a power that has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another.

Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. Chaucer, the London poet, sums it up in a pithy phrase:

“Whan maistrie [mastery] comth, the God of Love anon,

Beteth his wynges, and farewell, he is gon.”

As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.

I pray that all of us present and the many millions watching this ceremony and sharing in your joy today, will do everything in our power to support and uphold you in your new life. And I pray that God will bless you in the way of life that you have chosen, that way which is expressed in the prayer that you have composed together in preparation for this day:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.  

4-29-11 New Doors

4-29-11  New Doors

Sunday afternoon I was wondering what time they were going to call me to tell me dinner was going to be when Jeremy showed up on his bike complaining why didn't I answer the phone they needed another pan to cook the ham in! So he ended up taking a few things from the house for his apartment and I went over there to spend the afternoon with them waiting for dinner to be ready. That was boring so I took Mike to drop off flowers for his girlfriend and then we went to Lowes to buy flowers and mulch for their tiny little patch of yard. I must say though I missed caring for a yard, as I haven't done a thing with mine this year. So inspired by this Jeremy and I came back over here and took apart the picnic table and took the front hose and I even gave them a clay pot and an old rusty chime which made them all kinds of happy. I was glad to see I had taught my son to care about his home and want to fix it up. We had a very good dinner and it was a very nice day  we all said what a nice Easter it had turned out to be.....

Monday wasn't the best of days. First off my phone was not working still not receiving calls and not sending texts unless I re-booted it, still had issues. I took it to Verizon and they took off a few applications and said it would work, but it still wasn't working properly later in the evening. I then went home and found in the mail a letter from my insurance company stating they were not going to re-new my policy for the next year. I went into a panic at first and a female friend told me to start searching for a new company right away, but my spirit said to wait till June, once I have moved...and my guy friends agreed with that train of thought and one of them even said I should take a class to get some point off my licence. I think I will do that and I think that one of my speeding tickets also will come off my record now too.  Tuesday boring work day and in the evening I brought Jeremy over to load more stuff for his house, now he's taking the old water fountain and some of the patio blocks. I went and got us a pizza for dinner. I wasn't so happy because Mike just sat down and ate without being offered any and then had the nerve to beg me to buy them a pack of cigarettes. In the end I did though, I remember how it was back when I smoked and had little money, and they are trying to cut down..... Later that evening when I got home Dad mailed me a picture of the roses he planted on my Mom's grave, I really could have done with out seeing that, it just made me cry......but he wanted to share and show me he has the spot ready for the grave stone. When I die I hope they don't waste any money on this stuff, I want to be creamated and scattered to the Bay and no tears shed..for I'll be heading home....Death is just a doorway....

Wednesday was a very big day! First of all I went to the clinic where my friend works with people who are in recovery for substance abuse and addiction and also other things as well. She had asked me to come in, along with her husband, to give Reiki to the clients as part of group therapy. I pulled in the parking lot, next to a three story high pile of scrap metal as directions said (if this is the part of NJ that faces NYC no wonder they make fun of us I thought) and went inside to the reception area, the place was full of people and activity and all I could think of was what a kewl place! So many people that I can help here! I was excited and I had a guided group meditation forming in my head that I wanted to do but John didn't want to do it that way...so we did it his way...ahh that man energy! LOL But it was very nice, we each worked on a person so I let him speak for the both of us also. They just LOVED the Reiki. The first guy I worked on just went on and went on about it, and I had watched his skeptical boyfriend watching me ever since he came in the room but after having worked on his partner he wanted to be next! Another gal also wanted to go next with me but I could see his face and I said no let me do him then you he asked first, she said sure. For this guy I kept getting images that his third eye could use some coaxing and when we got done I mentioned this to him. He said he had always had a sense of intuition and was amazed that I had picked up on that. Next I did the girl and I felt very strongly about her crown chakra needed some help, she was wearing purple which indicated to me she was in touch with the higher realms too....I also got to tell her to keep putting the negative thoughts out so that the good messages can get through. When we were done I told he has much and she told me about the signs and the messages that she gets. She also talked to me about some issues of hers and I was able to give her guidance on how spirits work. Then at the end I asked them all if they would like a SpiritStone charged with Reiki and they were very very excited about them and asked if I would come back again. I told Christine that I am going to be working home on Wednesdays once I move and I bet my boss wouldn't mind if I took a long lunch and worked a bit later once in awhile...it is just about 10 min up the road... I cried when I left there with the joy of being able to share my Reiki and my stones with those people! I am so excited about this new opportunity to share and to help heal.

After the group session the three of us went to lunch together. Christine had told me before John came that he had been living with a woman when she and he first got together, that they had been a couple but basically the relationship had fell apart but they had bought a house together and had to fix up that mess. I mentioned it to him in relationship to Randy but he was like no this isn't the same thing you should not see him. I was sad but he was so very sure about it. He went as far as to say that I would never find anyone when I asked, he said I would have to finish this life alone, this made me sad. Then we talked of my home and he said it was not going to sell, when I asked about would I find a rent to own today (I was heading to Keyport to meet Mike after lunch) he said no I wouldn't get anything. So I said where am I going to live and he said you will be staying in your house. Well that's when I put the breaks on! My head was reeling but then my voice told me, you know you do not have to accept the reality that he sees for you.....you make your own path wherever you want to go. So I said  NO I am not staying in my house I said very firmly, I am moving out of it by the end of May! I don't know if I am going to get a rent to own house or a studio apartment but I am for sure getting out of that house! Well ok then he said to me........and I could tell the energy shifted. Now mind you I know he was telling me what he was getting, but again this is MY truth my life my path and perhaps, most likely I dare say he was put in my way to see what I would do.....and I passed! Then Christine brought up Randy (these two had met him and liked him a lot when we were dating)...he finally said well that may still work out for her...but he's got to get rid of that other one first. Absolutely I said! I won't allow it any other way.

After our lunch I headed to Keyport to meet Mike, it was so lovely and my heart just felt such joy driving into town, seeing a speedboat go past in the bay, the quaint little shops etc and thinking this is MY new town! So we headed out to look at rent to owns and I ended up settling for this really UGLY one, but the price was right, the size was right the location was pretty darn good too...I can see a glimpse of the bay from my patio, and its just a short few blocks bike ride down there. So he is putting all this together and making an offer and hopefully I can get moved in the middle of next month that would be so good. See all the other doors closed but I managed to find a new one! I drove around the area again before heading out and even went and took a walk on the beach, no life guards there so it was full of fishermen......men neing the operative word there....hummmm.... LOL Before heading back up to Flemington I decided to go to the Walmart down there as it's much bigger than mine up here. It was the oddest thing though but at least half a dozen times, in a 30 shopping trip as I was coming down an aisle this big tall woman kept cutting me off and blocking my way, and you know she wouldn't buge or swerve one bit to let me pass either, even when I got there first! I just went around though and down another isle to get where I was going and I looked at the back of her head once and you know it looked a bit like Randy's "wife". That kinda rattled me some, and for a moment I felt like asking the woman if she lived on Sunset..but I didn't, probably wasn't her anyway. It did make me realize though, she is blocking me from getting to him, an obstacle for sure...but one that it's not my job to move......that door is closed and thats one I am not going to force ....

New home and view from from looking down the street:

 

Today I sent Randy a picture of where my my new home is on the map and told him I got a rent to own, he said that was a really good idea. He also said he hoped he could come see it soon....I reminded him that I was going to be down near The Hook this sunday for a singles event if he wanted to meet me after work.... His reply was Not really, it only makes me sad that you only want to be friends. My reply was: if you don't want to be friends that just proves to me you never really loved me.... He had nothing else to say and shortly after that my heart started hurting again, it could have been the stress at work but I think its more likely the door to that place in my heart that belongs to him closing up tight..... It's ok though I will be paitient and wait for another door to open......there will be something new on the horizon soon enough.....and someone who will love me enough to let open the door to my heart again.....

Today I want you to think about the doors that are blocked or closed to you, and I want you to decide to let them be, at least for now..... Life should be lived with ease and graceful flow like how opening a window lets a gentle breeze in, quieting your mind and getting the busy thoughts out allows the voice of spirit to come in, sitting quietly in a meadow allows the birds and the butterflys to come to you..... Today sit quietly and relax, sooner than you know that next door will show up on your horizon....

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

Pete Townshend - Let My Love Open The Door
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrX8q40u374

4-25-11 Conviction of the Heart

4-25-11  Conviction of the Heart

My theme this weekend seems to have been about making choices, deciding with certainty, having conviction of the heart.....come read and maybe you will find something useful for yourself....

Friday I didn't end up meeting the POF guy, for some reason the time wasn't working out for him. So I went to buy the ham and turkey and a few things for Easter Dinner and took them over to Mike and Jeremy's place so they would have them to cook on sunday. I sat down and talked to Jeremy and explained about what happened with the house. I told him about plan B and he said yes that's whats going to happen you are going to get a rent to own, that came to me last week. I said I hope you are right, then again he had said  the one on 2nd street was the one I would get when I told him I was going to look at it, then again I had bid on it.... He was all tired and cranky and we talked for a bit, he really wants to get out of this town and I don't blame him. I don't like his idea of going to Florida though but told him he's an adult he can do what he wants. He wanted money for cigarettes so I made him come over to the house and haul some garbabge down to the curb, I had orderd pick up service for another month, trying to get some of this stuff gone that my tennnat left. I am so ready to get out of this place that has been so much work but I am greatful to have had Jeremy who always helped me, I was reminded of that too when someone commented on and old youtube video I had posted: a video I took of him how he improvised and mowed our yard one time when the riding mower broke and I couldn't afford a new one or repairs:http://www.youtube.com/embed/62OucSWv-B8

I also heard from Mike, my Keyport realtor and he said no problem he would start looking for rent to own properties for me and also rentals. I told him I was going to be down there on Wednesday to give Reiki to Christines substance abuse group so I could give the afternoon to looking. I spent sometime looking and found a few that had been on the market for a long time, one in particular caught my eye, it was on the opposite side of the parkway, not near the water but it had 3 bedrooms and was a block from the train station--getting roomates to help with bills would be a piece of cake. But it was in Matawan and not Keyport and I had my heart set on Keyport... When Dad found out I lost the contract with the township his reply to me was "You are your own worst enemy"...in some ways he's right, its my indescion that sabotoges me all the time. I also spent some time talking to the the POF guy, we were having fun writing back and forth and made plans to meet wednesday as his shop is in Keyport. The last thing he wrote to me was asking if I was into a particular sexual thing.....I worte back NO but he had signed off for the night....

Saturday I woke up and pulled the Soulmate card. My first thought was no I don't want this today I won't be seeing Randy...my second thought was oh stop with the Randy already-- if he wanted you he'd be with you Get Over It Already I said to myself in my sternest inner voice! My third thought was oh yuck maybe its the POF guy.....right after that he messaged me in reply to my No----well thats a deal breaker he said.....Oh ok well take care was my only reply. And *poof* he was gone, he obvioulsy doesn't really want someone he just thinks he does, he's not ready....I have been there in the past I wasn't going to judge him. I venture to say 85% on these dating sites people aren't relationship material, even a casual one. They are either married, in a relationship already but having problems, still working out a multitude of issues and really are just there for the validation. I want you to want me but I dont really want anyone. Beware of dating sites, don't get your hopes too high untill it goes OFFline and in real life.

I then went to pick up Beth as she and I were going to meet Wendy for a Spiritual Nexus event, she is working so hard to build a network of holistic spriritual practictioners, and I know that I am supposed to help her but my heart just isn't in it right now, so much draining my energy at present. Beth and I talked about many things on the ride down, one of them being Randy--by the time we got down there she had me convinced that he was not the one for me--not that she was trying to convince me of anything she was providing her input and perceptions with love because she cares. While there Mary called me for something and I said as much to her, and she reminded me that I had told her that I was willing to accept him with all those faults. Later in the meeting it came up and Wendy said don't forget to not let your own past experinces enter into how you feel about this situation for Cassie. And on the way home in fact she and I did discuss the whole thing again (isnt it pathetic how we women spend so much time talking about men?) but anyway I had her pretty much swayed back to thinking he was the one, that me leaving him and him having this relationship would make him a better partner for me in the end, and I did have to be patinet and honor the contract he currently is in with her and wait for it to be done, that I knew those boys had needed him and he needed to feel like a father for awhile. Course really this whole entire experience boils down to one thing----I HAVE TO CHOOSE for myself, make up my own mind and follow the path with out constantly doupting, looking back, peeking over to other's paths... This is what is needed...

The other thing that came up was my move to Keyport and the selling of my house etc. I reflected on how I was told again and again how Powerful I am and how what I think creates the reality that I live in so quickly. I confessed that I know that I lost the chance to get the house on 2nd street beacaus really I was too afraid, worried that it would be too much work that I could not afford. I had said what I really wanted was to get a rent to own, that way I am in it and I know what has to be done and the landlord has to take care of it before I get stuck buying it. I was happy to report that the one constant was the area that  I want to live in, I had considered a place near work a few times but my body physcially showed me with anziety that I did not belong there. I kept being told I am to heal the water, and actually watched the movie oceans and it made me have an even deeper conviction to this task. I also told Beth about my planting SpiritStones all along 287, and she agreed I can see where that is needed and the stones would help, your stones pack a powerful punch, I really hope that you start selling them again she said. The last thing that happed in regard to my move was during the event Wendy introduced me and she said Cassie is moving to Matawan soon. I was like wow, just wow..there is a house on the market for a very long time and I asked my realtor to see if they would do a rent to own, it appeared to be a good choice but it was not in Keyport or near the water ...it was in Matawan....that may very well be a sign I told her! I felt better and had more faith that even though my plans got torn down that they can be rebuilt in a good way...I just have to keep my heart strong and decide what I want and not be afraid.

Today is Easter and I debated and debated if I should text Randy Happy Easter, I finally decided to because I know he is the tentative one now, the one who has to be convinced again like I did, I have walked away from him so many times that he has no trust for me and it's up to me to show him that my loyalty (as a friend) is constant, so I texted him and he replied and we wished each other a fun day with the plans we have , him skiing me going to my sons for dinner. There are alot of people who come and go in my life but there are some that no matter what I am going to love them and care for them and my convicitons for them are strong. It takes time to see who those lasting people are going to be but when you decide you really should stick to it no matter what. The photo above is of The Sacred Heart of Jesus, the heart that burns always in love for us....Easter is the day that he rose again from the dead and came out of his tomb after his brutal death for our sins......

Today I want you to make choices on what and who your heart is going to burn for....and I don't mean a consuming fire, rather a fire of passion that remains steady and never waivers. For what you decide to do and put your whole heart into there will be much power behind that choice.......and if you have a hard time knowing what to choose ask God and he will show you with signs........give wings to your goals and vison to your dreams! Have conviction of the heart......

Have a Blessed Easter everyone!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Kenny Loggins-- Conviction of the Heart
http://youtu.be/8n_GMfJ49co

quote from Marianne Williamson: "Passover and Easter can be seen as simply metaphors, or as genuine force that delivers us to the alchemy of personal transformation. Which they are depends on how we hold them... where we allow them to live within our minds and hearts. On this illumined day, may the hand of God free you from the slavery your own internal bondage and the tomb of your own deadened places, delivering you to new freedom and new life."

Laura says, "This religious holiday is just another reminder to find the Spirit of 'Christ' in all of us - Jesus - Divine - the Holy Spirit - Mohammed - Creator - Goddess - Buddha - Allah - Yahweh ... many names, one source ... shalom."

And fan Leslie adds, "Transformation, re-birth, resurrection, rejuvenation, restoration... are what I strive for loudly and desperately on each and every day, but on this day I find I must quietly and with reverence search deep within my soul for the grace and love of God.

4-22-11 Forgiveness

Within tears, find hidden laughter
Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one.
Rumi

4-22-11  Forgiveness

My theme to contemplate this week seems to be forgiveness....

Monday late afternoon the POF guy messaged me, said want to meet after work, I will drive up there. I just said no I am tired and have to go take my son his laundry. I kept looking at his profile after that and wondering if I should exchange e-mails a little but decided against it. Just wasn't in the mood at that moment to forgive him for blowing me off last friday. In the evening I just played on the computer some and since I couldn't let go of Randy bringing up the lovely bed he bought for him and his pretend wife to sleep in I sent him an e-mail and said that I know you didn't mean to but that hurt, if you want to stay friends you got to stop telling me all the things you do for her that you never did for me........he answered me tuesday morning saying Oooops I sorry, was only trying to tell you about how I solved my back problems....I know I know I replied just try to not do that again, I really want to stay friends but I don't want to hurt.....and if I keep hurting I am going to have to back away again...

Tuesday  after work Mike and I had our regular tuesday night dinner plans and this time we invited a couple of our mutual gal pals. That ended up being quite pleasant. On the way there I shopped a little to kill the time and bought him a little gift for his boat that was on clearance. He was so happy with that small gesture, even though I spent little. I like to buy things for the people I care about, and he then insisted on paying for my drink and appetizers at the bar so I ended up recieving more than I gave. During dinner one of the gals brought up a person she's been hanging out with lately who has a bad rep for gossiping so much and other things in the circle of firiends, Mike and I neither one of us has talked to her in quite sometime but we did like many things about her. So when she asked could she come to stuff again that he was having he said ok sure lets give this another shot, forgive and forget.... Good attitude to have, especially in this online social networking when we are all here because of divorce or loss, hurts and trials we arent always our best person the first time around....... forgive forget and try again with all who come back and sincerly want to make a change.....

I went home after dinner, regretting my full belly, the amount of money I spent that I can't afford and got the bill for my car insurance...it's really hight these days due to a couple of speeding tickets I got (ya no forgiveness there). I climbed into bed and tried to calm my mind down and not worry about money-- I said my prayers and I prayed dear God please help me please send me some more money....and my voice said "you aren't out of money yet". Well I couldnt argue with that, I had just gotten my income tax return....

Wednesday I had to show up for court for that girl who tresspassed on my property several months back, she had skipped out of the first court appearance so it was rescheduled. I was told she wouldn't show up again but she did, in the end we both agreed to drop our charges against each other and let the matter drop, its a shame I had to file a charge to protect myself from this person who only filed charges against me to protect herself for breaking the law--all I wanted to do was to get her off my property and not come back, but nooooooo we have to hire lawywers and go to court and all this cost and time too in the end just drop it forgive forget move on. Ugh But it was good I got a chance to see Tony and I laid in all on the line with him regarding my house, that they had to set a date and close in May well before the end of the month or else the deal was off and I would sit there till the bank evicts me and good luck to them trying to get the bank to jump through the hoops they  are asking me to jump through! I am so angry at them for all they have put me through and I pray to forgive, its all just politics, some want the money to go to other things..... dear God let me forgive and let me move on....

Later in the evening I was sitting around and for some reason Randy popped in my head, that of course mad me feel a bit of anger in regards to him and that woman he lives with when we love each other and he only moved her in to get back at me. A few minutes after I meditated to release that anger he texted me....Hi....Hi  how are ya, I sent back.......I am trying to find someone to go sking with on sunday...I texted back take the family, he said they were all working.....its Easter I told him they should be off.....Guess I will go alone he replied and I could see and hear him in my mind the way he gets when he whines about not having anyone to hang with.......I thought about it for a bit and then said....well if you are really lonely I will ride up with you and sit and read a book in the lodge while you ski.......his reply.........and?.....and I will watch you come down the hill..........and ?.........I dont know what else would I do if I went? I replied........oh I don't know he sent back......at that point I knew what he must be hinting at...stupid dummyhead just don't get it that we are just friends with NO benifits now......I just replied OK and left it at that..... I forgive him for moving that woman into his house and leaving me alone but I can't continue a physcial affair with him and create more and more reasons to forgive, not only him but myself for allowing myself to be in a situation that will hurt and dishonor me.

Thursday as I was getting ready for work I looked out the window to see what the weather looked like and I glanced at the SpiritStone on the sill. Remember how last fall I was instructed by my inner voice to place one in each window of my house to ward off and keep out the bad spirits (one of them my dead ex-husband) who were trying to block the sale of my house? Well my little voice said "its time to collect the stones and be ready to take them to your new home"  I ran around and got about half of them and vowed to get the rest later. Later at work I was trying to plan out my 3 day weekend and since my plans for friday got cancelled I was trying to see if I could find a guy to go out with. I sent my phone number to one guy from CL I had been writing to and I also decied what the heck and wrote to the POF guy and said I can meet you for coffee friday if you want.....he said that may be possible where and when and I made a suggestion for a place halfway...... Shortly after that I got an e-mail from my Lawyer-- in it was a letter from the township's lawyer.....Basically it said that since I refused to extend the closing 45 days then they were terminating the contract that they had to buy my house. However they were going to continue, with my permission, to seek grants to remideate the propety and remove the underground storage tank at thier risk. They also said they were going to work with me towards a closing once that was accomplished.

At that moment I was so mad at God.....so angry that I had given him every once of faith that I had in me and still he let me down, I was about to loose every chance I had of ever buying another home. It wasn't fair, I do good things for people all the time, I love I care I suffered and I kept giving to others anyway. I married and cared for a man who abused me, I spent the next 13 years alone while the only man I loved since moved some other woman into his house and I am now about to be homeless,or at least stuck in some tiny apartment and have to give up alot of my belongings....It wasnt fair how can I forgive him for allowing all this to happen to me???? How??  And then I remembered what day it was,  maundy thursday , the night of Jesus's Last Supper, the night he washed thier feet and showed his love for all of them before he was to die on the cross and give up his very life for them and for us all so that we could be forgiven. Me even consider that I need to forgive God? Yeah that was nuts, and slowly I remembered the signs I had been given all week about finding joy in sadness, God has a plan, sometimes its better when things fall apart.... I have to keep the faith and keep going......if God had gone to such great lengths to find a way to forgive us and pay the dept for all our sins who was I to be angry at him just because he wasn't making things happen for me in my way in my time. These months of waiting were nothing compared to how long he waits for us to come to him for his forgiveness.....

So I contacted Mary and went to dinner with her and formulated plan B:  look for a rent to own house, let the township get the grants and do the work on my place and put my house for sale by owner, I can use that extra money that was going to realtor fees anyway and if she deserved them she would have gotten my house closed in time. We also talked of Randy and how he's been behaving and she said agian he did all this got this woman and is keeping her even when he really wants to be with you because he still can't forgive you for leaving him. I told her of how we wished the night of the full moon that I had gotten that house on Sunset and I said right after we said that I noticed the full moon.....She said I know you love him, I wish he'd get his crap together. If you had it to do all over again would you have left him? I thought a moment and I said yes--because our relationship was always just halfway good enough....he needed to grow up a bit and instead he went off on a path to spite me for hurting him.........if he stays on that path I am better off without him........but I still think he's my twin flame, we are destined to be together and the powers that be haven't given up on him yet....... but in the meantime I am going onward......... Once I got home from dinner I collected the rest of my SpiritStones so that I could take them to my new home in Keyport soon......

Today on this day of the crucifixion of our savior I want you to really contemplate the meaning of forgiveness and I want you to think of each and every person that you hold ill feelings for. I don't care how just you think you are and how much you think they don't deserve to be forgiven, because really did YOU deserve to have someone DIE for the things that you did wrong? I want you to forgive them, and if you can't forgive them I want you to tell God that you would like to forgive them but you just can't right now........he will help you......trust me it's so worth it.......

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

The nice thing about things falling apart is that you can pick up only the pieces that you want....~Neal Donald Walsh

Leona Lewis - Forgiveness
http://youtu.be/M11DLgTAkyE

4-18-11 Connections

4-18-11  Connections

My theme of the last few days seems to be all about staying connected with others....read about it and hopefully you can find something to assist you on your path....

Friday afternoon I e-mailed the POF guy to see if we were still on, his reply was that it wasn't looking good as work had gotten really really busy (he has his own business). I said oh ok and left it at that but then I saw him on the POF site the whole rest of the day and night. I wrote him and said that he could have told me someone else caught his eye and he was putting me on the back burner I would have understood, because that's what I did to him the week before. He said that wasn't true but it sure felt that way to me, I dunno but I was just done with him, he really had too many reasons he wasn't that great of a match anyway. I was so tired anyway, allergies kicking my a$$ big time, so I stopped and got a red box movie and spent the night home alone feeling sorry for myself. I got a call from Jeremy about 9pm and he was all upset crying and going on how his life sucked so bad he wants to die and he tries so hard to help people and do whats right and he never can win. I told him two days ago he was all happy and to calm down and tell me whats up. Apparently he had invited Carly over and after all this time he finally got the nerve to try and make a move on her and she rejected him and left. I was baffled too because I really thought that she liked him. He just kept going on and on how he was 20 yrs old his life was over no girl wanted him, the only one who ever wanted him had just used him for drugs and slept with every other guy in town for the same reason. I so wanted to comfort him and I did the best I could but honestly, I am 50, been divorced for 13 years what do I know about finding and keeping a good relationship? Its so easy to raise kids when they are young but then they grow up and you just don't have the answers anymore. Pray and keep the faith was all that I could tell him.

Saturday morning I woke up and there was an e-mail from Randy--finally he had answered me on the "but why" he had written when I had asked if he wanted to meet at The Hook on Sunday---he said "it meant what will we do?". I wrote back in typical wounded Cassie style: "i just wanted to see u-- talk to u-watch u surf if you were going to            i miss u       i thought u wanted to be friends----but i thought more and i guess theres really not anything for us to do together --- i cant ride bike fast like you , too cold for da beach, and i don't ride the motorcycle like she does so i just bore you

 i cant do pokey with you -- i told you that and i gotta stick to that-----guess you are right theres no point in meeting -- so I will just do something with my friends so nevermind" Yep I have mastered the dance of the wounded soul, if there was a contest for that kind of dancing I would be the worlds champ. Beth was right , I am still not ready for a relationship. I have to learn to get past this pain and trust not in someone but in Love again, I have to believe that even though Love often hurts us even in the best of relationships that its still worth it and so much better than being alone. I have to learn how to connect and stay connected even if it hurts sometimes........

Saturday I went to the Mind, Body, Spirit Expo I had posted on meetup, none of them ended up coming (I am having such a hard time rebuilding) but 2 of my friends came, John and Christine the ones I am going to do the reiki session with her kids in recovery. The event was very nice, they gave several free lectures on various subjects that were quite informative. In one of the lectures on body energy work she had us stand in a circle and join hands, and she held a doll, once we joined hands it began to speak, when one pair of people let go of hands the doll stopped talking! We did this a few times and were amazed as the doll had no batteries. But this is a very good demosntration of how there is more energy when people are connected! I also got a short reiki treatment, the only person who was doing it on a per donation basis. It does sadden me how much so many others charge for their goods and services, I hope more enlightened beings learn that it's about getting your gifts out there and not about making a ton of money. But I digress....as usual when she checked my chakras my crown and third eye charkras were wide open, my throat one is blocked a little which surprises all of us, and as we move downward the others are more and more blocked. But she said she saw a vision of me riding down a water slide with a martini in my hand. I think that represents that once I relax, I can let go and do what I fear...(yeah not rocket science here with me you'd think I'd get it by now) LOL

On my way to the event I got a text from Randy: Hi...I sent back a Hi, didn't know what else to say. Two hours later he sends back: It nice weather for clams at Bhars, well he must have read my e-mail I figured. I sent back yeah r u going to be there tomorrow? Yeah and maybe today too he sent back. I can't afford to drive down there two days, maybe I will see you there tomorrow. OK he sent back. So maybe he wants to be friends after all? I put it out of my mind and enjoyed the rest of my day. When I got home Jeremy was already gone so I checked in on him to find out why he had slept over and he said Mike had kicked him out, said he was tired of him drinking so much. You know it's bad when your drug using drinking buddies don't even want you around. I gave him the you need to go get some help lecture, told him I learned some stuff that can help him at the Expo and I will get him the vitamins he needs and teach him the techniques but he still needs to go to the mental health place and get help there also. I then called Mike to ask him about what happened and to lay down the rules when he lets him back. I also asked him if I bought a ham would he want to cook Easter dinner for all of us next week. That made him really happy and he said sure. Later he texted though and said he don't eat pork so I said I would get a small ham and a small turkey. Holidays are important to have family connections and right now this is the family that I have.

Sunday morning I woke up early even thought I wanted to sleep in a bit to have energy for the walk and to see Randy. I pulled the angel card for the day and it was Romance. I just stared at it not wanting to read anything into it. It was also Palm sunday and I was glad that I had scheduled the walking and talking event for later so that I could go to mass first, I thought about the fact that I would probably see Vic and I wished I could extend a hand of friendship but I reminded myself that he needs to return my flashdrive first. I got to Mass and I realized since it was palm Sunday  it started later, I did see Vic there, he glanced at me but we didn't acknowledge each other. I also had to sneak out early so that I could get to my walking event. It was a very nice time, about 8 people and a lovely cool but sunny day. I managed to walk for 2 hrs some of the others stayed with me and some of the group walked further and we met back at the end. I got blisters though, really need to get good walking shoes so I can keep doing this. I promised to schedule another one in a couple weeks and they were all happy. I sat and talked to Cecilia and she said it was a shame that I don't talk to Annmarie anymore. I said well I did all I could with that relationship and those groups and its time for me to make new friends. I do feel its part of my job here to make as many connections as possible and bring as many as I can together. I keep a few long term people who will always be in my circle of friends and I like that but I know that I am just not going to stay closely connected with everyone I encounter.

After the walk I went to Bhars to wait for Randy, it was all couples together and I felt so alone and wished I had a boyfriend. He finally came in and he was looking so good, he even was clean and nicely dressed and had changed from his work clothes, but I didn't hug him nor him me. I had gotten there early and had already ate and paid by the time he got there, he had gotten confused with the time and went to the hook first and drove around, I told him you knew I was there for a walk and he said he doesn't read or if he does remember e-mails. Ugh so him. LOL We talked about stuff , nothing serious and when I mentioned I had been to church for Palm Sunday he remembered how he and I had went to church on Palm Sunday and said he wished he could get a day job M-F full time so he could do all the stuff on the weekends that I do like go to church and go on hikes and walks. For some reason then we got on the topic of sleep and the told me how well he sleeps now he got a sleep number bed, he went on and on with the story and the only thing I could think of was he bought that for him and HER and for us we had this thin crappy one of CL. He talked also about wanting to apply for a full time day job with UPS and I said you will get it. He said you know so many things happend for me this year that I asked for when you gave me the SpiritStones and the wish on the full moon, remember the one I sent you? I wished for lots of snow and buddies to ride with and it had been raining and melting but the next morning there was tons of snow and I found guys to ride with!  What he doesn realize though is all those things he wished for, at the same time I put my energy into wishing them for him too...... if only someone loved me enough to wish with me that I would get the things I asked for.....It then got hot and loud in there and we didn't like it and I said I was leaving, he said wait for me so I did.....we went outside and talked a bit more. He told me about how much he's falling apart, can't hear so good, can't see so good and he said by the time he's 50 he bets he won't even be able to walk from all the abuse he's given his body. Wow a real liability you are going to be, I said your life is going to be like that movie misery, you crippled in bed and that mean crazy woman standing over you yelling. He thought of that a minute and shuddered. LOL Well I gotta go I said , since it was still light out I said I wanted to go check out a spot for hiking with a scenic over look------I know where that is follow me he said....
scenic overlook Atlantic Highlands
We went to the park and looked around but it was not the place so I said I am putting it in my GPS and off I went. He did follow me and it was a lovely lovely view, this place is new to me he said didn't know it was here. See I am not like you I told him I like to always keep trying new places. We saw an apartment tower and he said how kewl would it be to live there, lets go over and pretend to be a couple and see what they are like. I gave him a glare at the "pretend to be a couple" remark so he quickly added a couple of people. I gazed at the view while he told me stories of storms that had at some points covered all of Sandy Hook and we both said how nice it would be to have a view like this from a home. I said yes I so wish I had gotten that home on Sunset, he said I wish you did too. I then looked up and noticed the moon was coming up...look I said and wow I forgot that tonight was the full moon...... It grew darker and cooler and I kept saying I need to head home, but he kept talking. I never want to go home when I am with him...but its so bittersweet....I love him so much and I want to be with him. But I recalled even when dating he would spend a little time with me but then want to leave me alone for very long times and go off and play.......I didn't feel connected to him then, I didn't feel like he was holding on and wouldn't abandon me. I finally said OK time to go, and we got in our vehicles and left the park. Heading back up 36 I passed him and we waved to each other and as I sped off my heart began to ache so badly for awhile, I mean really physically ache. I hope we can stay friends and see each other again sometime, he looked sad and sounded non-committal. I know though he will see me if I ask him and he's around. I just have to find a way to stay connected to him, because he means so much to me, but not to let it hurt me for what it not is that I want. Our connections to others really wouldn't be painful if we could learn to accept them for what they are and not want from them what they aren't giving to us.....

Think about this one today.........how are your connections? Do you joyfully accept them or do you struggle with them because they are not giving you all that you want from them? Relax and learn to let things flow....accept what is and don't let go of the people who really matter to you


With Love and In The Light,  Cassie

PS-when I got home from work there was lovely handwritten card from my dear dear sorrority sister in Canada---the note said: even though we don't talk often I consider you one of my best friends and I truly cherish our relationship. Now there's a friendship that has lasted! I can't tell you enough how important those high school and college friendships are, join clubs, do sports, anything to make those real time connections!

Bruce Springsteen - Human Touch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85cNRQo1m3A

4-15-11 Helping Others

4-15-11  Helping Others

The theme of my week seems to have been about helping others, read and find out more......
Monday night I went to the park after work and rode my bike again. Mike said try for 25 minutes this time so I made sure I did 25. It was hot too, 85 degrees but I did it. I stopped and took a picture of my bike by the trail. Pretty nice place right? (see pic below) It's very close to work I am thinking of doing my walking & talking events there on tuesdays and my biking buddies there on thursdays after work. But anyway I sent the picture to Mike, the new POF guy and Randy..guess who's the only one who replied. Yup Randy. The POF guy did call me that night I kinda like him a little bit and Mike says I should go out with him I am too picky and what am I gonna do waste my life waiting for Randy-- he's right of course I gotta live..so I told the POF guy I could meet him friday after work.

Tuesday work was dull, same old same old and then it rained so I could not ride my bike. I texted Mike to see if he wanted to meet for dinner as he had mentioned it earlier on the phone. We make good buddies he and I , we both like to yap, we both like to eat and we talk to each other about our dating. LOL And like I said he is a very successful business man and I want to get more drive like that, he helps me by keeping me driven and I help him by inspiring him spiritually. I joked with him that someday I was going to write a book and call it "Tuesday's With Mikey". After we ate Jeremy called me and wanted to borrow $5 and a ride to get his prescription filled so I went to pick him up, he came out with a basket full of dirty laundry, but that makes me happy I like to do his laundry. On the way home we had to go give his friend a jump start who was stranded and I told that kid he can take the old truck my tenant abandoned here if he also took some garbage and he said deal, and the very next night he did exactly that, I am so happy that load of junk is off my property and off my mind. I like seeing and helping the kids now that they aren't hanging here at my house 24/7. Jeremy was in good spirits too, he met some woman who needed her car fixed and he helped her and that made him feel good. It was nice to see him happy instead of feeling sorry for himself, doing a good deed for someone was just the medicine he needed. I did teach my boys to help others, that is a very good thing.

By Wednesday the POF guy had backed way off, probably because I wasn't into the lets trade naughty pictures game. I mean really what are we 12? Sorry but I want to get to know a guy before he shows me a picture of his >insert name of your choice< . My friend Chris and I used to joke about saving all of them and making a coffee table book called "just a bunch of dicks" to prove once and for all men are just that! LOL I mean really we women take the time to write a nice long personal ad and tell about us, our hobbies our hopes are dreams, post numerous photos of ourselves and men send us---their dicks. Actually my webmaster and I went so far as to make a couple sites one called justabunchofdicks.com and the other justabunchofboobs.com (apparently he could entice women to send him shots). We set them up with a rating system of 1-10 and encouraged people to post their photos as well for consideration. It would give you a top ten list and everything. It took off fast too, I was making $50 a week in ad clicks in the first month.But after a time I just didn't feel right about it, it went from cute fun to borderline porn and I told him to shut them down. Lesson learned, no matter how innocent and comical you are trying to be most people will turn it into somethinng dirty. But anyway, at that point I had no idea if he still wanted to meet me friday and I really didn't care one way or the other, god would work that one out.

Thursday I went bike riding, 25 minutes and then I went to the UPS store to mail some of my SpiritStones out. Thank God I had kept the one tupperware bowl full that I had not yet packaged into the kits that my ex-partner has and could send some to her. It's a woman who's on my spiritual in NJ facebook page from back when it was the Inspiristone site, when I still had a business partner and before I decided to start calling them SpiritStones. This is the justification that he has to keep the stones that HE thought of the name. Phooey I never liked that name anyway! Someday I really must heal from this anger. It's sad he's missing the blessing of truly helping people with these stones, he passed them out to get people to like him I pass them out so that they can help heal others. Anyway, this woman wrote to me and said she was having surgery and she really would  like to have some stones to aid in her recovery stage. So I told her I could send her 3 for $10 and she pay pal'd me the money and I sent them, after the packaging the shipping and fees I guess I made $6. Not much but I really hope these help her, and it turns out she lives in the town that Randy lives, which is right next to the town that I am moving to! I told her once I move we should meet and I can give her some Reiki in person. I so much like to help people, I go around healing and giving Reiki to everyone who asked me as much as time allowed it. That is what Jesus did and we are to mirror him as much as we can. Besides there's no better way to get your mind off your troubles than to help someone else....

Driving home that night I thought about my house and the move and all the crap holding it up. My buyers agent had e-mailed me earlier and asked what was going on and I told him I had laid it on the line with Tony and I was just waiting to hear from him. This was on my mind in the car but then my voice said "There's a good reason this is taking so long" and I immediately answered yes I believe you and I believe it will all be ok. I felt at peace, I daresay even happy and content even though I was heading back to that house that I so don't want to be in anymore. I had a message from the POF guy though when I got home asking how I was, so I asked were we still meeting the next night. He said if I wanted to and I realized in that moment that he backed off because he was insecure.......so we made plans to have a quick meet for coffee date, no big expectations. I don't think he is "the one" for several reasons, and I still am very much hung up on Randy but I do have a feeling that he and I can help each other out and be special friends when all is said and done. Relationships of all sorts helps people and helps humanity, one must never pass up an opportunity to relate to someone....

So today I want you to look around your world and see who you can help, see who you can give to, see who's in need and just needs somebody.........give give give and the more you do the more you will receive....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

The Beatles - Help!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stYEr1HrkiI

Affirmations:

"I am worthy of a healthy, intimate relationship with a like-minded person. I trust the Universe to know when to bring us together." - Louise L. Hay

"I spend money wisely. I always have as much as I need." - Louise L. Hay

4-11-11 Holding on in Faith

4-11-11  Holding on in Faith

These last few days have been all about holding on with faith.....because right now that's about all I got left...I am sure I am not the only one.....

Friday morning I was awoken at 4:30am by my phone ringing, it was my buddy Mike. I had been speaking to him before bed the night before and laid all my house/money woes on him. He's very successful financialy so he was a good person to talk to, but he didn't come up with any ideas other than that I should take the kids over to my ex-business partner and rough him up and make him give me back all my SpiritStones. I told him no I won't do that, but I do plan to buy more once I get moved and settled and start this business again, but with a new plan of my own. So anyway he was still worried about my house situation for me so he called at that ungodly hour to go over his thoughts with me, and this had been the first night in weeks I had not woken up worrying--guess he had done it for me. LOL I didn't pick up but he called back at 7 as I was walking out the door and I told him why each and every idea he had wasn't going to work but thanks for caring....I told him that I just have to trust in God now.

Later in the day friday I had a dinner and movie event scheduled so I went there after work. Mary came early and we talked a good bit about faith and my house selling and such. She told me to call on the powerful angels to help me so I said that I would do that. We feel that a big reason that my hosue is not selling is underlying fear, and I confess that I do have that, the deep down under the surface subconcious kind that comes up when I am sleeping and wakes me up. I fear that I don't have enough money I fear that there is going to be something wrong with the house that I can't afford to fix, I fear I won't be happy down there in a new place. I can have tons and tons of faith in the daylight-- but at night it comes to me. Wendy has gently tried to tell me this when she is working on me, I get it now. She has told me that I am a very powerful creator and what I think happens...good or bad. My card that day had been Intention, and my friend said I have to set my intentions firmly. I do NOT want to end up renting an apartment I told her..I want that house it makes the most sense OR I want a rent to own house.... Again she reminded me to call on the angels so I did that night.....the next day my card was St Michael, a reminder to give all your cares to him...I must confess that the next days I did not wake up in fear...and if I feel fear I just say St Michael come help me!

Saturday I got up and went to ride my bike some, another 20 minutes, ugh, but this time I went on a gravel path to get some confidence and I even rode a bit on the grass to build up my leg muscles. I was thinking about the movie we had seen the night before, Arthur, and it made me think of Randy. He is very child-like much like the character in the movie, but in the movie that girl who fell in love with him really liked his charm and how fun he was and such, and I confess I feel the same way about Randy...the most important point I got though was how he pulled together and took care of his nanny when she got sick, this is one of the big things that held me back with him, I feared he would not be there for me if I got sick and needed help. All this thinking about him though made me miss him, and as I said I want to stay friends so I texted him as he had not answered my last two e-mails. You mad at me I sent....should I be was his reply....no but you didn't answer my mail....I thought it was a mistake I thought we weren't friends anymore....when did I say that? but whatever I won't bother you. I was annoyed with him and was going to let it go but 15 later I sent: If I wasn't your friend why would I ask you if you wanted to come on my friends boat with us............you confuse me was his reply.........deep breath......I am sorry I don't mean to confuse you, I love you and you live with someone else so I am just keeping safe distance to protect myself I sent back...........his reply was: I am free today.......after a bit of debating I told him he could come up and go to the fund raiser with me......Nah I stay home he sent back after awhile....OK I said let me know when you are off again on a weekend if I am not busy we can hang out.....any weeked after 6 he replied....OK.....he made one last attempt to get me go go down there to see him but I said I can't I have people counting on me. I know at least half you out there are rolling your eyes at me for still communicating with him but seriously I want to stay friends, he's important to me, he's a comfort and security to me. When I was in my late 30's I met a guy at my company who was only 24 and came here from the midwest for the job, we ended up haning out every weekend, my boys loved him....in time we started to have more than just a friendship, but it troubled him that he fell in love with someone 13 yrs older.....he'd sit at the end of the bed and sigh "why can't I find someone just like you but my age". Wanting his happiness I found him someone just like me but my age, they started dating and we were all friends for a time (she didn't know) it was nice........but then he suddenly stopped talking to me one time after I had asked them to come stay at my house and watch my kids. I suspect she figured it out and was upset about the bond we had......he ended up marrying her and they are expecting thier third child, she is my friend on facebook so I get to see the kids and an occasional pic of him too. I really miss that friendship, and I wish we could have kept it, I was not jealous of her and my feelings were in the right place. So I know that I can turn a romatic love into a friend, and I will always value what I can have with people in my life even if it's not what I had hoped it would be. This mentality of if you can't be who I want do what I want love me the way I want then I don't want you in my life at all is so sad.....Love is love is love no matter what type it's worth very much. Or in other words if someone offerd you a gold coin when really you were hoping for a gold necklace...would you turn down the coin? You just have to belive that what you have is what you need even if it's not what you asked for..

Sunday I was supposed to go to south jersey to visit a gal pal and another one was also coming too, we used to all hang together several years ago when I had my yahoo groups. We had put this off twice already and even though my allergies were making me tired I was determined to head down there...but after driving for 30 min and realizing I had another hour to go, not to mention the 1.5 hr drive home again I pulled off, called and left a message and headed home. I was just too droopy, allergies are kicking my a$$ and the stress too isn't helping. I slept all afternoon and in the evening just played on the computer. Randy had answered my e-mail from the day before, I scheduled a walking event at Sandy Hook for next sunday and asked him if he wanted to meet after my event. He replied that he could be there at 5:20 but he also added but why....I just replied that you say I confuse you but you confuse me too. Course I know what his but why probably means...I was ready to just be mad and say never mind but Mary keeps telling me how both of us are just mad at each other and the situation and we need to let go of the anger and the pain. I am vowing to be different in my life and not walk off in hurt and anger and really work through things with the people who matter to me, the people I want to keep in my life...... So I am trying to keep some faith here and wait and see what happens. A quote I saw today was: Faith isn't faith, until it's all you're holding on to. Boy have I gotten myself to that point with my finances, my move, my relationship with him or the prospect of a relationship with any man for that matter.......faith is all I have to hold on to........but it should be enough....... I did get a message from a guy on PlentyofFish and we wrote back and foth and I gave him my number and he called me......there's some hope.....I may not know who but I gotta belive that god has someone for me.....

So what about you? Are you managing to hold on to your faith in these tough times? Be strong, have courage and know that God will save you if you just hang on............

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Faith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVCDGVlv_j4

4-7-11 Waiting and Healing

My heart is a pen in your hand.
It is all up to you to write me happy or sad.
Rumi

4-7-11  Waiting and Healing

Another tough week for me, some good, lots of aggravation but I am hanging in there....what about you all?


Monday after work I went to the park and rode my bike.....for about 20 minutes.....ugh....how am I going to do biking events if that's only as long as I can ride? But my kness were burning and my chest was tightening and I decided to quit...will ride further tommorow I promised myself. Since I had gone out at lunchtime to cash my state income tax I had enough money to cover the April mortgage. I glanced at the 50/50 raffle ticket I had bought and said a prayer hoping I'd win and wondering how much the prize would be anyway. I think I need about 30K to pay off my depts I prayed... why not 300k? my voice said. Are you being a smart alec I tossed back? I was instantly reminded of a time several years ago when I was deep in credit card dept. and I was in my lab working and praying and I felt God asked me to do something for him, something I really didn't want to do. So I flippantly said in my moment of passion...well then I will do this for you but I need something. I need 25k to pay off my credit card depts. God didn't say anything and I finished my work and went back out to my office. My boss called me in to talk..........he told me that since the company hadn't been able to give us raises lately that they were giving us stock options instead. Mine were worth 25k!! I am not kidding you......but it gets better.....I was not able to cash them in right away, had to wait several months......by the time I could cash them in our stock rose and rose and rose it was a phenomenon that made all the newspapers! It climbed so much that it split! On my birthday! Seriously! I think I was 40 that year....but anyway by the time I cashed it in I made 250K! Again, I kid you not!  So hey if I ask for 30K and my little voice says why not 300K, I know it can happen......IF it be God's will.

Tuesday I was feeling blah, still, and I asked my friend Beth if she knew anything about what was going on energetically in the Universe, she's always good at this stuff, I really think she should have a blog about it, I know I'd read it! Anyway Beth said: (shortened version)

. I am not sure I feel bad fortunate but it is all around me and certainly feel the "evil".  Amongst the many, many things going on of which I could hazard a few guesses ..I'd have to say that the battle between light and dark is very immense right now. We lightworkers are throwing off immense light and the dark forces are trying as hard as they can to keep us emerged in our old patterns of powerlessness ..not to mention the light that is needed for helping all the souls pass with all the catastrophes going on. Also, we are leaving fractal time which means where ever we are in our process we are creating faster and faster. So if we are still thinking negatively we are drawing it in almost immediately. Also with the spring equinox dimensional energy patterns have changed flooding our bodies with additional energies that are a little uncomfortable to assimilate at first. It is all of these things. Plus we are empathic and sensitive and everyone is in a fearful place right now..so add that to the mix! Best we can all do is stay grounded and as positive as much as possible.  I have been trying to incorporate a breathing meditation I learned in yoga called a tonglon. Breathe in dark fear and negative emotions and breathe out light. Do it a few times for ourselves and send it out to all humans experiencing the same emotions. Sounds easy but it is not.But it is a good place to start.

So I felt consoled that I was not the only one going through a funk so to speak and now I had a tool to work with. Shortly there after I got a call from my buddy, he too has been in a funk, he broke up again with the woman he just took back. LOL He wanted to meet for dinner so I did and he was kind enough to pay for me! He said he has some computer work he needs done for which he will pay me cash, and I also told him of my co-operative idea and told him if he paid to have the site built we could be partners....he is considering it....

Wednesday I was talking to my buddy , the one with successful business and who is always on one weight loss kick after another. He thinks we should start a group for people who want to set and achieve goals for themselves so that evening while I was sending out the CassiesCalendar newsletter I worked on a name and slogan and graphic for the group. I came up with Goal Setters, Get In to Win and I created two possible graphics. The next day though I had an even better idea, to change the name to Goal Getters. He was pleased and said he was going to make his own meetup. I had hoped that he would do it in my groups but I recognized that he is the type who has to have full control over his projects, I am similar so I get that about him. I was very excited about working with him and looking forward to going on his boat this summer, I wrote to Randy to ask him if he knew any places on the Navesink river that we could launch a boat... Just before bed The Outlaw poet had posted what would be our wish if we could have one granted and mine of course was for a lover to come to me and share my life...... I can't let go of my faith in that dream....

Thursday morning I woke up at 4am and couldn't really sleep after that. I did a little meditating and self reiki and I also tried to vision Randy some and send him some good reiki vibes. He used to astral travel and come to me when I was sleeping so I thought I'd try it too. In the morning my angel card was New Love, which means the angels are either working to bring a new lover  or they are working to make new the love you already have. I am open to whatever they feel is best for me, but of course I still hope Randy will heal.... He had answered my e-mail and all he said was: I don't know. and he sent it at 2am. I replied with what are you doing up at that hour and don't you want to come on the boat too? I had told him he could and that he should continue to work only every other weekend, life was too short.. I don't know what's going on in his head, but I do know I can't get too close or emotionally invested while that woman still lives in his house. Mary thought he may think that I like my guy friend with the boat even though I said "my friend". The Outlaw poet's post today was the one about go on without me....so she may be right. LOL Oh well I am praying for his health and his happiness no matter how this ends up.....I am a healer that is my main role on this earth.

 

Where lowland is, that's where water goes.

All medicine wants is pain to cure.

Rumi

Speaking of healer, I am all excited as a friend of mine who is a teen drug and alcohol counselor asked me to come and give a group reiki healing session with her husband at thier group counseling session. He is a long time friend of mine, he used to have a huge crush on me, and despite that he was so handsome and kind he was a Pagan and way back at that time I didn't think I could be married to someone who was not a Christian, even though I have always honored all faiths. But I introduced them several years ago and they fell in love, got married and had a little girl and have been living happily ever after. Randy and I even went out with them and they really liked him, said how much they could see his love for me......then again that was nearly 4 years ago... But anyway I am very excited about the chance to give some reiki to these kids and help them with thier addiction recovery. It is my plan to have an office in my new home and give treatments to earn a little extra money.....and of course I know that I am meant to live near the water so that I can send my healing energy there. I may even buy some more stones and try to start selling SpiritStones again at the local flea market......


Thursday was also hectic with stuff from the township regarding my house, seems they want to push my closing back another 45 days so that they can apply for a grant in my name to clean up the property around my house and have the oil tank removed. I had a fit and said if I can't close in 30 days that the deal was off, because I can't pay anymore. I talked to my selling angent and she interupted me and I got mad so she said talk to Tony myself. I called Mike and he's working with the mortgage  guy. I called Tony and explained everything as he had sent an e-mail saying that regardless of whats going on I am going to have to rent for a time. I called him to explain and clarify everything, how I can't pay another mortgage payment and how I wanted to close both the same day..he said he didn't know if we could but he'd see what he can do, it was going to be tough as the Keyport house lawyer won't move forward to the bank w/o a commitment from the township, the township won't move forward due to more Green Acers funding stipulations. I told him it's like everyones holding on to thier marbles so tightly that no ones playing the game.He agreed.  I then brought up the court date I have regarding the girl and told him I am pretty sure she's not showing up so I don't need him. and you know he said to me Cassie I won't charge you I will be there I don't want you to have to face that judge alone as he gets cranky. I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes and told him how very greatful I am for that. See God looks out for us he really does.......I don't know yet if I am going to end up in an apartment or a house but I have to belive wherever I do God has a plan.....

After work my replacement phone finally had arrived so I took it over to Jeremy's house so he could set it up for me. His roomate was there and he was all worried about stuff going on in his life, Jeremy was worried about his stuff too. I told them though to hang on and when I move they can come down there and hopefully get transferred that there were jobs, and busses and the air was nice and it would be a fresh new start for them. Both of them liked that idea.....and I took Jeremy to dinner and listend to him and his plans ...the boys got dreams but he lacks confidence in himself, especially with girls...but I encouraged him as best I could and told him things will change....


So hang in there people........things may not be going your way right now but please be paitient and keep the faith. Even if you feel all alone, empty and oh so vulnerable like I do keep the faith, pray for healing, and keep on waiting for your world to change......it always does......




With Love and in the Light, Cassie


John Maher - Waiting On The World To Change
http://youtu.be/oBIxScJ5rlY

4-1-11 Every Body Should be a Fool Sometimes

4-1-11  Every Body Should be a Fool Sometimes

Happy April Fool's Day! I don't know about you but I've had my share of foolishness this week....LOL Some of it the good kind and some of it the not so good kind.....

Monday evening I called my son and stopped over at his house to get him to put the new padded bike seat on for me. Then he wanted to come over and get a few more of his things from the house so I did. I was craving spaghetti and offered to take him to dinner if he'd go with me. (I have learned to do many things alone but going to dinner alone is not one of them--yet) Pulling in the drive I saw my party sign in the ditch that I had thought he picked up last august and said oh can you please get that for me? Well that for some reason ticked him off he cussed got out of the car and said he was walking home because I am so annoying. I didn't react. I got the mail and drove up to the house and carried in my stuff and went back out to unload the bike. He came up and had brought it. He got his stuff and put it in the car and was so gruff and mean all the way back to his placed.....but when I didn't get out of the car he asked wasn't  I taking him to dinner. No was all I said.......positive and negative re-enforcement that's all I got. HE can treat me right or he can be deprived of my company.....foolish move he went hungry...

Tuesday after work I picked up my carpet shampooer from a friend, she had recently hurt my feelings and I really just wanted to dump her as a friend......my usual MO.....I wanted to get the shampooer and defriend her but I didn't, I just got it and let the issue lie there.....who knows what the future will bring. But I was still craving spagettii! I called Jeremy, he was busy.....I debated with myself and finally did something I practically never do....called someone and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. She was very happy and she said wow its amazing that you called me on a day I really needed to talk! So I met her at he house, we walked both of her dogs, talked to the man who is going to cut a tree down for her and the headed out for spaghetti and meatballs. She had a lot on her mind with work issues and boyfriend issues and I was so glad to be there to lend an ear. Then we got to talking about summer and she asked me if I would go Kayaking with her. Now mind you I can't swim and I am afraid of small boats BUT just last week I was thinking of VT and how I wished I had courage to go for the boat things they have on the river up there....( V Ts a pretty boring place unless you are into the outdoor stuff). So I said ok I will give it a shot! I know her she will take me slow and easy and allow me to get used to it before going off doing nutty and risky things. Then she said can we go for ice cream? Please? I will pay...well who can turn down a hot fudge sundae on a cold spring night? I'm no fool there! lol

Wednesday I was hunting for a venue to do an after work happy hour type thing somewhere near work so me ever being the e-mail type wrote to a place.....he sent me his number and said Call Me....so there way my moment of truth-----and I am glad to report I took it! I called him right then and there instead of letting it sit there....I am not sure I liked the deal he offered me but we will see....point is I did it! Next that day I got a call from one of my best guy buddies, and he reported to me that he broke down and contacted the woman he just broke up with a few weeks ago and she was coming over. She even left work and took a half day off for him! She does seem to love him very much but he admittedly does not love her. I think he's making a foolish move but I could be and I hope I am wrong....

Later that day I got an e-mail from a friend who I had been seeking event advice from, she keeps calling me a fool for not taking her advice and she got so annoyed with me for not doing things her way that she's been working with another group and totally abandoned mine. This hurts me, especially when I am trying to start earning a bit with this and she isn't but cest la vie. So today she writes me and says why don't I take over an event she posted on POF but abandoned (she had a boyfriend  and took down her ad) Well since her event was her style and not at all my style I politely said no thanks..this of course ticked her off and she said and I quote:

once again you poo poo anything from me that obviously breeds success

 lol you wont even take over an event that has no event host and has people aboard because it's a great idea

 this is why I could never help you.....and why the xxxx's have only 170 members and everyone is flocking to our events; my ways breed success.
And with that I was "de-friended" LOL Am I being a fool for not listening to her? Some would say yes because I would have been able to have sexy-sassy events at upscale places and attract plenty of people, she used to have huge success at her events, and probably will again...and I probably could have attracted people who had more money to spend too and started to earn some off these events I do. But still it wasn't me, while she is in a classy place sipping cocktails, eating crudites' and discussing literature I am out in a dive bar, eating a cheeseburger and singing karaoke, or at a concert with lawn seats or dancing on the beach or trekking around at some dusty fair grounds. But I am happy, and I love love love the friends I make. Will I ever make any money at this? God only knows......but one thing I do know is that I'd be foolish to be anything else than who I really am.... Am I as ambitious as her? Well that depends on how you look at it, no I don't have a drive to work hard and make the most money, but I do have a drive to do whatever my spirit leads me to do. I think Bill, the founder of AA says it best: "True ambition is the profound desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God." ~Bill AA~

Thursday I had an event to go to that my friend was hosting for my group and several other singles meetup groups. I was a little nervous as Mike pointed out and he's right I do get shy and quiet when I am not the hostess of the event but that problem got solved because Allison needed some help collecting the money and stamping hands and such. It was a great success and I got to see many of the people I know from the group I used to be in and helped out with. They didn't know I had left or why and when they asked I just said oh I have my own groups now.... I also met a few brand new people, one guy in particular intrigued me that stood out from the rest. I didn't stay late though, not on a work night and came home and fell asleep by 10:30 LOL.......and got woken up at 11:15 by my guy friend who had stayed later and wanted to talk about the event and the people. He told me of one person who complained a lot about the event, both of us were amazed that anyone would be foolish enough to take an event that was so nice like that and find something negative to say about it rather than look at all the lovely things about it.......ahh but some just are happier complaining.......

So today on this April Fools Day I want you to take a good hard look at Foolishness.........there are times that it's a big mistake to be foolish and there are other times that it's an act of faith and the stepping stone to new and better things.......because often times The Fool is the ultimate free spirit, embarking on their own special path........and that after all is what all of our spirits long for..........freedom! May you all have the courage to be foolish today and everyday!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

and you had to know this song was coming........ LOL  

Everybody Plays the Fool/The Main Ingredient

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXGa__ECvnM

The Fool represents the "everyperson" - the essence of us all embarking on the journey of life, self-discovery and mastery. He is the innocent, the whimsical, the "inner child" mixed with the "inner sage" that lives down deep inside of us all. He faces life and his journey unafraid, trusting, the perfect example of total and utter faith that all will be well, that every experience has a deep essential meaning. He traipses along the crags of life, regardless of any hidden peril or disappointment, his eyes are turned to the heavens and he knows that he will be kept safe and whole along his travels. Key words associated with the Fool are new beginnings, important decisions and optimism.

The Fool is sometimes known as the most worthless card, yet also as the most valuable one. He is the first and the last, the alpha and the omega. It represents both the fledgling beginner and the adept master. The Fool reminds us of things, sacred things, that we have forgotten or repressed. The Fool knows his or her own ignorance, thus is seen as the most wise.

The Fool represents the Negative space above the Tree of Life, the source of all things. It is the Qabalistic Zero, the Equation of the Universe, the initial and final balance of the opposites, both the father and the mother - male and female, in an abstract sort of way. The Fool is intricately linked with all 21 cards of the Major Arcana - in fact, many theorists maintain that the other Major Arcana cards are parts of the Fool's whimsical journey of self-discovery, culminating with the Number 21 World Card, bringing successful completion, accomplishment and fulfillment. Because the Fool is trusting and open to all experiences, he provides the perfect role model as we too embark on our life journey. The Fool coaxes us to walk our own path, not the path of the "herd". To trust our own inner voice, our intuition and our inner knowing and to embark on our life course with faith and a stout heart. We need trust, faith in the goodness of life and people, and an undying belief that all will work out exactly as it should.

The Fool is the ultimate "Free Spirit" - this card represents the self-actualized person, free from societal constraints, someone who is able to let go of outmoded beliefs and ideals with the courage to pursue their own special path.

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art24632.asp