Thursday, April 28, 2011

4-29-11 New Doors



4-29-11  New Doors

Sunday afternoon I was wondering what time they were going to call me to tell me dinner was going to be when Jeremy showed up on his bike complaining why didn't I answer the phone they needed another pan to cook the ham in! So he ended up taking a few things from the house for his apartment and I went over there to spend the afternoon with them waiting for dinner to be ready. That was boring so I took Mike to drop off flowers for his girlfriend and then we went to Lowes to buy flowers and mulch for their tiny little patch of yard. I must say though I missed caring for a yard, as I haven't done a thing with mine this year. So inspired by this Jeremy and I came back over here and took apart the picnic table and took the front hose and I even gave them a clay pot and an old rusty chime which made them all kinds of happy. I was glad to see I had taught my son to care about his home and want to fix it up. We had a very good dinner and it was a very nice day  we all said what a nice Easter it had turned out to be.....

Monday wasn't the best of days. First off my phone was not working still not receiving calls and not sending texts unless I re-booted it, still had issues. I took it to Verizon and they took off a few applications and said it would work, but it still wasn't working properly later in the evening. I then went home and found in the mail a letter from my insurance company stating they were not going to re-new my policy for the next year. I went into a panic at first and a female friend told me to start searching for a new company right away, but my spirit said to wait till June, once I have moved...and my guy friends agreed with that train of thought and one of them even said I should take a class to get some point off my licence. I think I will do that and I think that one of my speeding tickets also will come off my record now too.  Tuesday boring work day and in the evening I brought Jeremy over to load more stuff for his house, now he's taking the old water fountain and some of the patio blocks. I went and got us a pizza for dinner. I wasn't so happy because Mike just sat down and ate without being offered any and then had the nerve to beg me to buy them a pack of cigarettes. In the end I did though, I remember how it was back when I smoked and had little money, and they are trying to cut down..... Later that evening when I got home Dad mailed me a picture of the roses he planted on my Mom's grave, I really could have done with out seeing that, it just made me cry......but he wanted to share and show me he has the spot ready for the grave stone. When I die I hope they don't waste any money on this stuff, I want to be creamated and scattered to the Bay and no tears shed..for I'll be heading home....Death is just a doorway....



Wednesday was a very big day! First of all I went to the clinic where my friend works with people who are in recovery for substance abuse and addiction and also other things as well. She had asked me to come in, along with her husband, to give Reiki to the clients as part of group therapy. I pulled in the parking lot, next to a three story high pile of scrap metal as directions said (if this is the part of NJ that faces NYC no wonder they make fun of us I thought) and went inside to the reception area, the place was full of people and activity and all I could think of was what a kewl place! So many people that I can help here! I was excited and I had a guided group meditation forming in my head that I wanted to do but John didn't want to do it that way...so we did it his way...ahh that man energy! LOL But it was very nice, we each worked on a person so I let him speak for the both of us also. They just LOVED the Reiki. The first guy I worked on just went on and went on about it, and I had watched his skeptical boyfriend watching me ever since he came in the room but after having worked on his partner he wanted to be next! Another gal also wanted to go next with me but I could see his face and I said no let me do him then you he asked first, she said sure. For this guy I kept getting images that his third eye could use some coaxing and when we got done I mentioned this to him. He said he had always had a sense of intuition and was amazed that I had picked up on that. Next I did the girl and I felt very strongly about her crown chakra needed some help, she was wearing purple which indicated to me she was in touch with the higher realms too....I also got to tell her to keep putting the negative thoughts out so that the good messages can get through. When we were done I told he has much and she told me about the signs and the messages that she gets. She also talked to me about some issues of hers and I was able to give her guidance on how spirits work. Then at the end I asked them all if they would like a SpiritStone charged with Reiki and they were very very excited about them and asked if I would come back again. I told Christine that I am going to be working home on Wednesdays once I move and I bet my boss wouldn't mind if I took a long lunch and worked a bit later once in awhile...it is just about 10 min up the road... I cried when I left there with the joy of being able to share my Reiki and my stones with those people! I am so excited about this new opportunity to share and to help heal.

After the group session the three of us went to lunch together. Christine had told me before John came that he had been living with a woman when she and he first got together, that they had been a couple but basically the relationship had fell apart but they had bought a house together and had to fix up that mess. I mentioned it to him in relationship to Randy but he was like no this isn't the same thing you should not see him. I was sad but he was so very sure about it. He went as far as to say that I would never find anyone when I asked, he said I would have to finish this life alone, this made me sad. Then we talked of my home and he said it was not going to sell, when I asked about would I find a rent to own today (I was heading to Keyport to meet Mike after lunch) he said no I wouldn't get anything. So I said where am I going to live and he said you will be staying in your house. Well that's when I put the breaks on! My head was reeling but then my voice told me, you know you do not have to accept the reality that he sees for you.....you make your own path wherever you want to go. So I said  NO I am not staying in my house I said very firmly, I am moving out of it by the end of May! I don't know if I am going to get a rent to own house or a studio apartment but I am for sure getting out of that house! Well ok then he said to me........and I could tell the energy shifted. Now mind you I know he was telling me what he was getting, but again this is MY truth my life my path and perhaps, most likely I dare say he was put in my way to see what I would do.....and I passed! Then Christine brought up Randy (these two had met him and liked him a lot when we were dating)...he finally said well that may still work out for her...but he's got to get rid of that other one first. Absolutely I said! I won't allow it any other way.

After our lunch I headed to Keyport to meet Mike, it was so lovely and my heart just felt such joy driving into town, seeing a speedboat go past in the bay, the quaint little shops etc and thinking this is MY new town! So we headed out to look at rent to owns and I ended up settling for this really UGLY one, but the price was right, the size was right the location was pretty darn good too...I can see a glimpse of the bay from my patio, and its just a short few blocks bike ride down there. So he is putting all this together and making an offer and hopefully I can get moved in the middle of next month that would be so good. See all the other doors closed but I managed to find a new one! I drove around the area again before heading out and even went and took a walk on the beach, no life guards there so it was full of fishermen......men neing the operative word there....hummmm.... LOL Before heading back up to Flemington I decided to go to the Walmart down there as it's much bigger than mine up here. It was the oddest thing though but at least half a dozen times, in a 30 shopping trip as I was coming down an aisle this big tall woman kept cutting me off and blocking my way, and you know she wouldn't buge or swerve one bit to let me pass either, even when I got there first! I just went around though and down another isle to get where I was going and I looked at the back of her head once and you know it looked a bit like Randy's "wife". That kinda rattled me some, and for a moment I felt like asking the woman if she lived on Sunset..but I didn't, probably wasn't her anyway. It did make me realize though, she is blocking me from getting to him, an obstacle for sure...but one that it's not my job to move......that door is closed and thats one I am not going to force ....

New home and view from from looking down the street:

 
Today I sent Randy a picture of where my my new home is on the map and told him I got a rent to own, he said that was a really good idea. He also said he hoped he could come see it soon....I reminded him that I was going to be down near The Hook this sunday for a singles event if he wanted to meet me after work.... His reply was Not really, it only makes me sad that you only want to be friends. My reply was: if you don't want to be friends that just proves to me you never really loved me.... He had nothing else to say and shortly after that my heart started hurting again, it could have been the stress at work but I think its more likely the door to that place in my heart that belongs to him closing up tight..... It's ok though I will be paitient and wait for another door to open......there will be something new on the horizon soon enough.....and someone who will love me enough to let open the door to my heart again.....

Today I want you to think about the doors that are blocked or closed to you, and I want you to decide to let them be, at least for now..... Life should be lived with ease and graceful flow like how opening a window lets a gentle breeze in, quieting your mind and getting the busy thoughts out allows the voice of spirit to come in, sitting quietly in a meadow allows the birds and the butterflys to come to you..... Today sit quietly and relax, sooner than you know that next door will show up on your horizon....

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

Pete Townshend - Let My Love Open The Door
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrX8q40u374

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