4-7-11 Waiting and Healing
Another tough week for me, some good, lots of aggravation but I am hanging in there....what about you all?
Monday after work I went to the park and rode my bike.....for about 20 minutes.....ugh....how am I going to do biking events if that's only as long as I can ride? But my kness were burning and my chest was tightening and I decided to quit...will ride further tommorow I promised myself. Since I had gone out at lunchtime to cash my state income tax I had enough money to cover the April mortgage. I glanced at the 50/50 raffle ticket I had bought and said a prayer hoping I'd win and wondering how much the prize would be anyway. I think I need about 30K to pay off my depts I prayed... why not 300k? my voice said. Are you being a smart alec I tossed back? I was instantly reminded of a time several years ago when I was deep in credit card dept. and I was in my lab working and praying and I felt God asked me to do something for him, something I really didn't want to do. So I flippantly said in my moment of passion...well then I will do this for you but I need something. I need 25k to pay off my credit card depts. God didn't say anything and I finished my work and went back out to my office. My boss called me in to talk..........he told me that since the company hadn't been able to give us raises lately that they were giving us stock options instead. Mine were worth 25k!! I am not kidding you......but it gets better.....I was not able to cash them in right away, had to wait several months......by the time I could cash them in our stock rose and rose and rose it was a phenomenon that made all the newspapers! It climbed so much that it split! On my birthday! Seriously! I think I was 40 that year....but anyway by the time I cashed it in I made 250K! Again, I kid you not! So hey if I ask for 30K and my little voice says why not 300K, I know it can happen......IF it be God's will.
Tuesday I was feeling blah, still, and I asked my friend Beth if she knew anything about what was going on energetically in the Universe, she's always good at this stuff, I really think she should have a blog about it, I know I'd read it! Anyway Beth said: (shortened version)
. I am not sure I feel bad fortunate but it is all around me and certainly feel the "evil". Amongst the many, many things going on of which I could hazard a few guesses ..I'd have to say that the battle between light and dark is very immense right now. We lightworkers are throwing off immense light and the dark forces are trying as hard as they can to keep us emerged in our old patterns of powerlessness ..not to mention the light that is needed for helping all the souls pass with all the catastrophes going on. Also, we are leaving fractal time which means where ever we are in our process we are creating faster and faster. So if we are still thinking negatively we are drawing it in almost immediately. Also with the spring equinox dimensional energy patterns have changed flooding our bodies with additional energies that are a little uncomfortable to assimilate at first. It is all of these things. Plus we are empathic and sensitive and everyone is in a fearful place right now..so add that to the mix! Best we can all do is stay grounded and as positive as much as possible. I have been trying to incorporate a breathing meditation I learned in yoga called a tonglon. Breathe in dark fear and negative emotions and breathe out light. Do it a few times for ourselves and send it out to all humans experiencing the same emotions. Sounds easy but it is not.But it is a good place to start.
So I felt consoled that I was not the only one going through a funk so to speak and now I had a tool to work with. Shortly there after I got a call from my buddy, he too has been in a funk, he broke up again with the woman he just took back. LOL He wanted to meet for dinner so I did and he was kind enough to pay for me! He said he has some computer work he needs done for which he will pay me cash, and I also told him of my co-operative idea and told him if he paid to have the site built we could be partners....he is considering it....
Wednesday I was talking to my buddy , the one with successful business and who is always on one weight loss kick after another. He thinks we should start a group for people who want to set and achieve goals for themselves so that evening while I was sending out the CassiesCalendar newsletter I worked on a name and slogan and graphic for the group. I came up with Goal Setters, Get In to Win and I created two possible graphics. The next day though I had an even better idea, to change the name to Goal Getters. He was pleased and said he was going to make his own meetup. I had hoped that he would do it in my groups but I recognized that he is the type who has to have full control over his projects, I am similar so I get that about him. I was very excited about working with him and looking forward to going on his boat this summer, I wrote to Randy to ask him if he knew any places on the Navesink river that we could launch a boat... Just before bed The Outlaw poet had posted what would be our wish if we could have one granted and mine of course was for a lover to come to me and share my life...... I can't let go of my faith in that dream....
Speaking of healer, I am all excited as a friend of mine who is a teen drug and alcohol counselor asked me to come and give a group reiki healing session with her husband at thier group counseling session. He is a long time friend of mine, he used to have a huge crush on me, and despite that he was so handsome and kind he was a Pagan and way back at that time I didn't think I could be married to someone who was not a Christian, even though I have always honored all faiths. But I introduced them several years ago and they fell in love, got married and had a little girl and have been living happily ever after. Randy and I even went out with them and they really liked him, said how much they could see his love for me......then again that was nearly 4 years ago... But anyway I am very excited about the chance to give some reiki to these kids and help them with thier addiction recovery. It is my plan to have an office in my new home and give treatments to earn a little extra money.....and of course I know that I am meant to live near the water so that I can send my healing energy there. I may even buy some more stones and try to start selling SpiritStones again at the local flea market......
Thursday was also hectic with stuff from the township regarding my house, seems they want to push my closing back another 45 days so that they can apply for a grant in my name to clean up the property around my house and have the oil tank removed. I had a fit and said if I can't close in 30 days that the deal was off, because I can't pay anymore. I talked to my selling angent and she interupted me and I got mad so she said talk to Tony myself. I called Mike and he's working with the mortgage guy. I called Tony and explained everything as he had sent an e-mail saying that regardless of whats going on I am going to have to rent for a time. I called him to explain and clarify everything, how I can't pay another mortgage payment and how I wanted to close both the same day..he said he didn't know if we could but he'd see what he can do, it was going to be tough as the Keyport house lawyer won't move forward to the bank w/o a commitment from the township, the township won't move forward due to more Green Acers funding stipulations. I told him it's like everyones holding on to thier marbles so tightly that no ones playing the game.He agreed. I then brought up the court date I have regarding the girl and told him I am pretty sure she's not showing up so I don't need him. and you know he said to me Cassie I won't charge you I will be there I don't want you to have to face that judge alone as he gets cranky. I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes and told him how very greatful I am for that. See God looks out for us he really does.......I don't know yet if I am going to end up in an apartment or a house but I have to belive wherever I do God has a plan.....
After work my replacement phone finally had arrived so I took it over to Jeremy's house so he could set it up for me. His roomate was there and he was all worried about stuff going on in his life, Jeremy was worried about his stuff too. I told them though to hang on and when I move they can come down there and hopefully get transferred that there were jobs, and busses and the air was nice and it would be a fresh new start for them. Both of them liked that idea.....and I took Jeremy to dinner and listend to him and his plans ...the boys got dreams but he lacks confidence in himself, especially with girls...but I encouraged him as best I could and told him things will change....
So hang in there people........things may not be going your way right now but please be paitient and keep the faith. Even if you feel all alone, empty and oh so vulnerable like I do keep the faith, pray for healing, and keep on waiting for your world to change......it always does......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
John Maher - Waiting On The World To Change
http://youtu.be/oBIxScJ5rlY
Thursday morning I woke up at 4am and couldn't really sleep after that. I did a little meditating and self reiki and I also tried to vision Randy some and send him some good reiki vibes. He used to astral travel and come to me when I was sleeping so I thought I'd try it too. In the morning my angel card was New Love, which means the angels are either working to bring a new lover or they are working to make new the love you already have. I am open to whatever they feel is best for me, but of course I still hope Randy will heal.... He had answered my e-mail and all he said was: I don't know. and he sent it at 2am. I replied with what are you doing up at that hour and don't you want to come on the boat too? I had told him he could and that he should continue to work only every other weekend, life was too short.. I don't know what's going on in his head, but I do know I can't get too close or emotionally invested while that woman still lives in his house. Mary thought he may think that I like my guy friend with the boat even though I said "my friend". The Outlaw poet's post today was the one about go on without me....so she may be right. LOL Oh well I am praying for his health and his happiness no matter how this ends up.....I am a healer that is my main role on this earth.
Where lowland is, that's where water goes.
All medicine wants is pain to cure.
Speaking of healer, I am all excited as a friend of mine who is a teen drug and alcohol counselor asked me to come and give a group reiki healing session with her husband at thier group counseling session. He is a long time friend of mine, he used to have a huge crush on me, and despite that he was so handsome and kind he was a Pagan and way back at that time I didn't think I could be married to someone who was not a Christian, even though I have always honored all faiths. But I introduced them several years ago and they fell in love, got married and had a little girl and have been living happily ever after. Randy and I even went out with them and they really liked him, said how much they could see his love for me......then again that was nearly 4 years ago... But anyway I am very excited about the chance to give some reiki to these kids and help them with thier addiction recovery. It is my plan to have an office in my new home and give treatments to earn a little extra money.....and of course I know that I am meant to live near the water so that I can send my healing energy there. I may even buy some more stones and try to start selling SpiritStones again at the local flea market......
Thursday was also hectic with stuff from the township regarding my house, seems they want to push my closing back another 45 days so that they can apply for a grant in my name to clean up the property around my house and have the oil tank removed. I had a fit and said if I can't close in 30 days that the deal was off, because I can't pay anymore. I talked to my selling angent and she interupted me and I got mad so she said talk to Tony myself. I called Mike and he's working with the mortgage guy. I called Tony and explained everything as he had sent an e-mail saying that regardless of whats going on I am going to have to rent for a time. I called him to explain and clarify everything, how I can't pay another mortgage payment and how I wanted to close both the same day..he said he didn't know if we could but he'd see what he can do, it was going to be tough as the Keyport house lawyer won't move forward to the bank w/o a commitment from the township, the township won't move forward due to more Green Acers funding stipulations. I told him it's like everyones holding on to thier marbles so tightly that no ones playing the game.He agreed. I then brought up the court date I have regarding the girl and told him I am pretty sure she's not showing up so I don't need him. and you know he said to me Cassie I won't charge you I will be there I don't want you to have to face that judge alone as he gets cranky. I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes and told him how very greatful I am for that. See God looks out for us he really does.......I don't know yet if I am going to end up in an apartment or a house but I have to belive wherever I do God has a plan.....
After work my replacement phone finally had arrived so I took it over to Jeremy's house so he could set it up for me. His roomate was there and he was all worried about stuff going on in his life, Jeremy was worried about his stuff too. I told them though to hang on and when I move they can come down there and hopefully get transferred that there were jobs, and busses and the air was nice and it would be a fresh new start for them. Both of them liked that idea.....and I took Jeremy to dinner and listend to him and his plans ...the boys got dreams but he lacks confidence in himself, especially with girls...but I encouraged him as best I could and told him things will change....
So hang in there people........things may not be going your way right now but please be paitient and keep the faith. Even if you feel all alone, empty and oh so vulnerable like I do keep the faith, pray for healing, and keep on waiting for your world to change......it always does......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
John Maher - Waiting On The World To Change
http://youtu.be/oBIxScJ5rlY
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