5-31-11 Mouring a Lost Love

5-31-11  Mouring a Lost Love

This week I let go, and  mourned.........tommorow I will get on with my life....

Friday I prayed for my lawn to get mowed and to get a lot done in the yard so it would look nice for my first BBQ in my new home and what I hoped would be the first of many for the summer. I was trying to find a ride for Jeremy down to here but that wasn't panning out. I went outside and did what I could and was debating on if I should go downtown and get one of the guys who stand on the corner waiting for work. While I thought I hosed down the front porch and while doing that I picked up the three SpiritStones I had sitting there on the deck rail and put them back down. Right after I did that a landscape truck drove by and I decied what the heck let me try and call the guy who's number my landlord gave me and see if I could get him to come. I called and he said I just drove past! (so many landscapes and HE just drove by) he said he would do one yard and be right over. My yard was done well before noon, I promised to post about his business in on my website since they did such a good job and were reasonable too and it was a good thing as he told me he had just lost a big contract with the school system and he really needed the work.

In the afternoon Jeremy called and his roomate had gotten arrested for not paying child support, how they expect him to do that when he has no job I have no clue but they took him to Morristown and he was getting out later once he saw the judge. I told Jeremy I was going to lay down and take a nap. When I woke up I did not feel well , certainly not well enough to drive for 3 hrs round trip to Morristown, and Flemington and back home again so I told him to call someone else and I was real sorry. I puttered around a bit more and took a shower and then decided to see if Randy wanted to come over since he had not brought me the paint spray gun. I texted do you have plans after work? Was hoping you could stop over.........his reply: I am not sure yet. Well that annoyed me that he would put something before me but then again he did have his life so I just said Ok take care talk to you soon. So he called me and he told me this long story about how long it took him to find the spray guns because the kid had piled all his stuff in the shed so he could use the garage to work on his car. I just said well can you drop one of them off for me tommorow and he said something about being able to get away to come see me later tonight like after 11pm and I said no thanks I am going to bed but you can leave it by the back porch. No I am not liking this one bit and I think that I need to quit forgetting what the spirit told Mary to tell me and that was to let Randy be.

Saturday I headed to Flemington to bring Jeremy and his roomate Mike down to spend the rest of the weekend. They wanted to hang out and I also needed help in the yard and such for the party. Chris came down and she and I went out shopping and to lunch at the Marina and also for ice cream. She had brought me a lovely plant as a house warming gift and paid for my ice cream too! Oh and she told me again how much she loves to read my blog! Who could ask for a better friend than that! We happily made plans to spend much more time together this summer down here and she is going to come sleep over sometimes. While we were out Jeremy and Mike painted the patio furniture and did a lot of the chores on the list. Randy called to see how things were going and I told him we were making steaks later on and he was welcome to come eat dinner at 9pm, he said he was going home to clean up his yard and deck and such so he could paint the next day. He never did show up over here even though I saved him a plate maybe the kids came home or friends came over and I realized that even in the same neighborhood, so long as we had seperate homes we are going to have seperate lives. Chris says this is a good thing because I will have time to look around for other options in men..... Mary also stopped over as she was in the area for a party. She talked to Mike a bit and I told her about his heart attack the other day. She is a medical intuitive also and she gave him a very firm talk about going to the doctor on tuesday , that he needs a stent put in and to take it very easy between now and then.

Sunday morning I was finishing my coffee and about to get in the shower when I got a text from Randy wanting the good spray gun. I said I thought you kept one and I was keeping this one and he said Jeremy had told him this one worked better. So I said OK come get it. He sat and we talked for a good while in the back yard and he said the reason he didn't come over last night was because the kids came home. I decided to tell him about my date, he said "oh are ya cheating on me" and I just gave him a look. He asked to kiss me and I said no go home and kiss your wife, but I did let him rub my shoulders as I am so achey from all the moving. After he left I headed over to Stop & Shop for groceries, they had a new scan as you go system and I wanted to try it but wasn't sure if I could figure it out. While there though I bumped into one of my CassiesCalendar friends and we both were pleased to see each other shopping at the same store! We chatted a bit, he showed me how to use the scanner and he promised to stop by sometime soon and see the new place. Later in the day Jeremy, Mike and I were heading out to a BBQ we got invited to and Randy stopped back to get the other spray gun because he broke the good one. He looked kinda sad that we were heading out for fun and mumbled about going to go to the hot dog truck. I thought it sad he had to work all day alone and his "family" wasnt helping him, I told him to come back later for dinner with us.

The BBQ was loads of fun with tons of food, karaoke, zumba and lots of friends. Mike and Jeremy at first hadn't wanted to go but in the end ended up not wanting to leave! LOL I finally drug them away and we stopped for propane, more mulch and flowers on the way home. I texted Randy to come over but he was coverd in paint and halfway through the job and said he would come later for dinner, I said ya but the family will come home and then you won't want to.. f-them he said I want to see you. But....10pm came and the Jeremy cooked chicken, corn on the grill I texted him and he said I can't......I was so dissapointed but then said well then you can come later when they go to bed. So about midnight he showed up on his motorcycle. Jeremy asked him to run him over to the store for a pack of cigarettes and Jeremy went to get the helmet. Randy and I talked while he was looking for it and I asked him why he hasnt been coming over, is it the kids you want to hang with or her keeping a tight watch on you and he said a little of both. Then porceded to tell me how much fun he the kids and thier friends had drinking and cooking on the grill and "the wife" didnt come home till 11pm. He said she wasn't at all apreciative of all the work he had done on the deck and the fence sweating all day in the hot sun. He also told me that Patty, his ex-GF before me had sent him a text saying I miss you, "the wife" found it and said she was moving out. I asked him did he want her to and he said yes he can't stand her.. I said ok so work on letting this happen...then he said but she pays me a lot to live here... At that moment Jeremy came out and was getting on the bike to ride over to the store, Randys bike sputtered some and  then he said he was low on gas...Jeremy got upset then and said never mind I will ride the bicycle. I went inside and waited for Randy to come in but he did not......I went back outside and he and Jeremy were finishig up a talk and Jeremy was saying "just don't you forget what I said" he looked upset.....

What just happend I asked when Jeremy left, I think I better go he said.....why I asked? Your son just told me that I need to get serious with you or I need to leave. Oh geeze I said, I never told him to say anything to you. But I decided to talk about all this one more time and I said well now she says she's leaving do you want her to go. He said he wanted a new girlfriend he missed intimacy on all levels but he liked the money she pays he needed it. I said I guess what you really want is to keep the kids and have a new girlfriend, let them stay and pay rent $100 a week each thats all she pays. He said they wouldn't pay, and that's so much change to go through. He said I would have been with you and never had them but you left me, and I reminded him how he hadn't spent as much time with my son even though they had so much more in common and he talked logistics of us up there and him down here and I said well you should have asked us to move in back then but you just worried Jeremy might mess up your house but these kids have done 10 times the damage! Then he said well you left me, you rused it you weren't paitent we had only dated for 8 months... That's when I got pissed. YOU ONLY DATE'D HER FOR TWO MONTHS AND MOVED HER IN I YELLED! Then I realized it was midnight and we were sitting outside so I just said leave, leave now and do not come back. He left with out a word, which is his nature. I came in the house and cried and Jeremy got back from his bike ride. He said Mom it had to be done, I didn't want him hurting you anymore he has to man up, make a choice or leave you alone so that you can find another man who will be what you need. But Mary had said I was going to move here, he was going to come around more and feel comfortable and secure and in the end he would marry me. That still migh happen he said, he also said that I had a few more things to learn from being single, and he said maybe Randy will go home, think hard and decide to grow up and be the man he should have been to you before, if not then you are going to meet someone much better than him. Since I know how in touch he is spiritually, being an indigo child, I believe him...

So today is Memorial Day and I soon will have a home full of friends who love me. We are going to the parade in town to honor the vets and then we are going to BBQ into the evening.  I have totally mixed feelings about how I feel about the Randy thing but I do know that once I can bury this past I will find my new peace and tranquility, that one big let go is better than a thousand little let downs. I really was fooling myself that a little of him now and again really wasn't better than nothing. It's been a full year now of us talking again and he trying to have it both ways, he can't decide so I must decide for me, and I had to have help from my son. Ugh I still have much to learn on this path of mine.....

Today on this Memorial Day, I hope you remember those who gave thier lives for your freedom and I hope that you use that freedom wisely, for the pursuit of happiness and not for the pursuit of people and things that don't bring you true happiness. Lay to rest the pain and the past, do your mourning, and then get up and walk on and live the best life you can, the best life that you truly deserve........


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Memorial Day - Taps
http://youtu.be/BVzrsyCtoWY


That which is false troubles the heart,
but truth brings joyous tranquility.
╭♥╯Rumi ╭♥╯

Outlaw Poet.....

Timothy Johnson

COUNTRY DATE

nellie our dog
is resting in the shade
the watermellons cold
a bottle of wine
...floats cold in the creek
catfish is on the grill
the guitar is playing for real
skinny dipping with the moon
love games
dancunder the stars
a sleeping bag for one
the campfires glow
time for this country boy and girl
to get down and play
we sure have it made
THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

AS LONG AS YOU WANT ME

leave your worries at my door
close your eyes
rest your head on my shoulders
...today dont worry about a thing
for if its love you need
you found it in me
theres no need to be strong
ill hold you
and be right by your side
slip into your dreams
just rest and believe
in all your heart sees
my lady
ill be yours
as long as you want me...

the outlaw poet

Timothy Johnson

SWEET LADY G
turn the lights down low
turn the radio on
play us a love song
one thats real slow
...
theres no need to guess
for baby tonight
i see in your eyes
we both say yes

lady lay across our bed
right by my side
until mornings light
its not time for rest

turn the lights down low
turn the radio on
play us a love song
one thats real slow
THE OUTLAW POET

OUTLAW PRINCESS
put on your riding boots
leather pants and a tank top
iron horses are biting at their bits
spread your wings and lets ride
...its our time for fun
time to run with the sun
babe you are pure honey
riding when the run is done

saddle up and settle in
throw your troubles in the wind
g
THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson

LIVE should tomorrow come without me, go on living like youve never lived before, kiss the sunshine in the morning, follow the light through every open door, marvel at the sparrows as they fly, through blue skys of endless dreams, listen to the songs they are singing, swim gently in the water of lifes streams, should tomorrow come without me, feel the wind and know im free......the outlaw poet

5-27-11 Roses Have Thorns

The rose's rarest essence lives in the thorns.
Rumi

5-27-11   Roses Have Thorns

This week has been one of lovely moments and also some prickly ones too.....reminding me that even roses have thorns.....

Monday night Randy came over after work and installed the light bulbs in my outdoor flood light. Some things are just so much easier for men to do than women, and some things are so much easier for women to do that men. I really don't know why people have to have so many issues with gender roles, I mean sure do whatever you can do and want to do but we were designed differently you don't have to fight that if you don't want to. But anyway It was good to see him all clean and nice in his UPS uniform, instead of all grungy and dirty in his Sears work clothes. I asked him if he wanted something to eat but he said no he had to get home as "junior" was probably cooking for him. That made me a little sad but I dealt with it, he did stay for a little while and talked and also helped me turn on my solar lights. I was lucky he took the time to come help me.

Tuesday I got up and was reading on Facebook that the preacher who had said the world was going to end 5-21-11 and it didn't happen now has changed the date to sometime in October. Oh and get this tons of people sent him all their lives savings. Reminds me of the Jim and Tammy Bakker crap from years ago when my parents bought into all that. The only thing that really bothers me though about all this  I heard that some children are very scared about this and for that reason this is so very wrong. I recall growing up and my bible thumping parents had me terrified of the rapture and the tribulation. this would be a great opportunity to teach kids about how important it is NOT to listen to others interpretations and instead read the bible for themselves. But anyway I found out that Jeremy couldn't come down to help unload the second pack rat so I posted on Facebook for help and I also e-mailed Randy who said that he would come at 9:30 after work.

Wednesday I had a good day, the little pack rat came with my outdoor stuff and other things and my good friend Pam showed up and my other good friend Al also showed up to help me unload it. We got all done by 6pm so I texted Darleen and also Randy that they didn't need to come. She was kinda glad but he said Oh Shit. I had written him the night before and as I said and he wanted to hang out a bit he said , so I told him that he could still come if he wanted and he said sure will....that was at 6:30 pm....I put what I could away cleaned up the mess from the unloading, took a shower and waited for him...by 10 pm he had not showed up. So I e-mailed him asking why didn't he show, and oh well too bad as I am busy thur and fri nights (and as it turned out I also made plans for sat too). My little voice reminded me "you teach people how to treat you" so I calmly waited for his reply......I got one 10 min later saying that the kids made food for him on the grill and that he didn't know till 9pm and that he could still come at 11pm to see me......I thought about it for a minute or two, I would still be up at 11pm and since I was on vacation probably still wide awake too, but I didn't want to reward that bad behavior of his  and decided to reply:  then u should have told me u weren't going to come... i need to rest so don't come over, have fun with your kids. I just sent that and the POF guy messaged me asking if I had moved in yet and had time to meet him yet so I said yes how about tomorrow......

I was just wrapping up and getting ready to get in bed and relax when there was a knock at my door. It was Randy, he had ridden his motorcycle over, telling the kids he was going out for a ride, which was silly to me because he was still wearing his UPS shorts. I went to the door and said what are you doing here I told you not to come. He looked all sheepish and kept saying sorry etc so I decided to let him come in and talk for a bit. He probably thought he was going to come over and have some heavy petting and such but I was in no mood for that! So I sat him down at the kitchen table and explained things. I told him he should have let me know when his plans changed and he said well I wasn't sure that when I got home there actually would be food ready for me and I was right, a cold burger left in the fridge for me, I had hoped they wanted to hang out with me. Yeah well I had hoped you wanted to hang out with me and not 3 hrs earlier you said you did, you can't just drop me like a hot potato when they call. Well I am here now he said isn't that something? Sort of I said but I am not liking you at this moment so I really don't want to see you....then I'll leave....he ended up staying a half hour longer before I kicked him out. Telling me some tales of how they treat him over there, don't mow the yard, don't clean the house, and one time his motorcycle broke down and she refused to go take his truck and go pick him up. I would have come got you, even when we weren't seeing each other I said. I know he said, I know you would....but I got her back, she asked me to fix the kids bike and I refused and she had to pay a bike shop a lot of money. Sounds like a real loving family ya got there, I really don't know what you get out of this...I get people to live with he said so I am not alone. I'd rather be alone I said and meant it. You have a good night, I am busy for awhile now maybe we can see each other next week......

Thursday I had more unpacking to do, a trip to Home Depot and in the evening I was going to an event with The Venue that Charlie had let me post on Single and Looking also. I managed to squeeze in a mini date with the POF guy too. He seemed to really like me and was texting me all afternoon but I am not so sure about him, more like someone who would be a pretty good friend but I wasn't feeling the sparks. Not sure yet what I am going to do about that one.... After putting in a full day though I started to get ready to go out, while dressing I got a text from Randy saying that he had the paint spray gun all ready for me. Awesome I texted, can you bring it over tomorrow morning and he said sure can. I was all happy about that till I got the call from Jeremy saying Mike got put in jail for not paying child support so then he didn't want to come down just now. I told him I really needed his help to get ready for my BBQ monday so we left it as tentative on if I would go up and get him. How they expect a man to pay child support when he has no job and social services gives him only $60 a month cash is beyond me. But anyway, I put that out of my mind and headed to the event. It was a nice time, I was feeling a little shy as I often do when I am not the host but soon as I walked in someone said Hi Cassie, then several more knew me and then a whole group of Staten Island gals came and sat with me and we danced all night together. Apparently some of them had been to my house for some of my big BBQ's and they were all happy I had moved closer to them and would be doing events here. All in all a good night, but I did come home by 11 as I was beat. I also got to do some talking to a few single people about how hard it is out there now, so many full of pain from their divorces that they are afraid of even trying to have relationships anymore. We all have to realize though that no matter how good something is it also will have it pain.. I also reflected on the fact that I had been divorced for 13 years, mostly because I feared the pain of trying again, but these years had been very fun years, I had met many people and done much in the way of events to help bring people together. So even in my pain of loneliness many good things had come out of it. I though on all this as I left the event and I pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards home, but feeling a little sad that I had no one to go home to.... ahh but in time in time I am certain real long lasting love to share my life with will bloom in my world....once I get all the weeds pulled out of my new garden....I did see some rose bushes hidden in there among the tall tall weeds....

Today I want you to love the thorns as well as the roses in your life, because it really is true that they often hold sweet things too....

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie


Poison Every Rose Has Its Thorn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYeZJ9_Hmwg

5-23-11 Lending a Hand

"Through love all pain will turn to medicine." Rumi

5-23-11   Lending a Hand

Saturday I got up, loaded a bit more stuff in the little pack rat and more in my car and headed off to the new house. I had been so excited that I couldn't sleep past 6am so when I got on the road at 9 I was already tired. LOL No one came down to help me today because I posted that I didn't need them. A couple people did call and made plans to come down on Wednesday to help unload the little pack rat. With everyone out from underfoot I did plenty of unpacking and laundry and dishes etc. I did get tired in the afternoon and laid down for an hour nap on my bed in my new bedroom. Then just after 6pm (the predicted "rapture" time) Randy called and said he just got off work and did I need anything from Home Depot as he had to go there and maybe we could go together. I said sure but come see the new house first. He did and he really liked it, I can't believe we are neighbors now he said, me either I said. We talked a lot about how he's been working on his house and fixing it up. We talked a bit about his family too, it came up because he had mentioned possibly moving up to Vermont or New Hampshire and I asked would they be going and he said no, that soon as the kids move out its over with her.....he started to go down the she don't care  what I do route but I cut him off and said sorry but I am NOT doing what I did last summer, it just hurt way too much, you don't know and I am not doing it again. He said again he wished she'd leave, maybe she will find a text or something and go so he don't have to make her leave. I said I don't want to talk about this and can you please fix this shelf for me and he did. After that we went to Home Depot and had fun going up and down the aisles helping each other find the things we needed, looking at paint for my patio furniture, talking about our home projects. On the way out I said good night and don't forget to come over tomorrow after work to help me hook up my TV, sure he said, and again I can't believe we are neighbors. Are you glad I asked? Sure am he said, me too I said back..........

On the way home Jeremy's roommate texted me and asked if they could come down with me the next day, I said that they'd have to stay over night as I was sleeping there and I have no cable, he said that's not a problem. I said and I have a lot of stuff to take not sure I have the room lets play it by ear, and in the morning by the time I loaded my TV, computer, microwave etc I really didn't have any room so I texted him that I had no room and I would bring them down on Tuesday when I came up to get the little pack rat loaded up and he said OK. Course later in the day Jeremy texted and was all mad that I didn't get them and that they had counted on it, I told him he should have called. I asked was he going to be around Tuesday and he said snottily that he'd play it by ear. Little brat! I was glad though that I had no room for them, and also glad that my friend cancelled who was going to come down and that the other one never called because I really did want to spend some time with Randy when he came over to hook up my TV's..... I spent the day unpacking and ran out to get milk and stuff for in the morning. Randy texted me about 3 and asked did I want to get some food about 6 or 7pm (his way of asking did I want to go out to dinner) Haha. I told him if he wanted to I would but I had planned on running out for something while he was hooking up the TVs and eating here. Even better he said!

So in the evening he came right after work and helped me with a few things and since the cable wasn't on yet I put a movie in the DVD player in my room for him to watch while I ran out to get dinner. When I got back he was laying there covered up all relaxed so I got a towel and set up a picnic in bed like we used to do back when we were dating. It wasn't as roomy as his king sized one but it was still fun, like old times minus the boy-friend/girl-friend physical intimacy. We ate and we talked and we both said how this was more fun and cheaper than going to a restaurant. I told him if he wants, and I am not at an event, he can come over every Sunday and once I have my cable we can watch Simpsons and Family Guy like we always used to do. I sure will he said! He stayed till 10 till I finally kicked him out and we talked and talked about his relationship and I told him again if he wants me then he has to talk to her first and get this all settled with her. I can see why it worked then, the timing for us wasn't right and I wasn't ready either, that was brutally apparent to me when he reminded me of the things I said, how I said I was too old for him, naybe he wanted to have a baby, what he needed was a woman who rode the motorcycle, etc etc I told him that I just wanted him to be happy and he said well I went out and I got all those things that you said I needed to be happy and thing is I am not happy. Yeah I wasn't either I said, but at least in these years I have grown, and I didn't love myself enough to believe that anyone else could love me. And you had to learn a few things too I said. I went to bed after he left and felt content watching my movie and going to sleep in my new home for the first time...then about 11 I got a text....I had fun tonight he said......me too I said....and we texted back and forth till I was sleepy.....

Today I got up and spent the entire day working and unpacking and such. I did go out to the dollar store to get a few Memorial Day decorations and some guy pulled up and was selling meat off the back of his truck. I got a bunch of steaks and such for less than half if I got them elsewhere, I do want to start cooking more I said and please come back if you get some seafood deals. Oh and turns out the guy is a stand up comic so he is going to post his gigs on CassiesCalendar too. Later in the day I called my son to see if he was going to be around Tuesday to help me finish up loading the little pack rat and he said maybe. Ugh Well can you at least sell off the rest of that stuff if I post it on Craigslist? Yes he said and can you look into renting a backhoe and I will get the rest of that metal and stuff out of the barn. Then I went and tried to put in new light bulbs in my outdoor flood light, that didn't work at all, I was frustrated and wishing Jeremy was there right then and then I thought of Randy.......hummm I wonder if he will help?? So I texted him and said: Can you come over sometime and help me put the light bulbs in my floodlight outside? Sure he replied maybe tonight after work.... I thought about saying good but text me if you can't make it, thinking I would hate to sit there wondering, but then decided to go with: awesome  I will be here either way....that was easier, and it was true. Yep I could get used to that black truck of his pulling up in front of my house.... I guess we are once again tentatively reaching out for one another, past the pain, the hurt, the misunderstandings. After the growth and the paths that have been apart from one another now our paths are close enough that we can reach out and get acquainted again, this time taking our time and enjoying the journey...

Today I want you to think about the relationships of your past, did you rush in and get too close too fast? Have you taken the time to really "court" and spend time, the kind of time where if you end up even just holding hands that's a thrill? Try it, even if you are already married try dating the old fashioned way...... get to know each other all over again.......reach across and take some one's hand today......


With Love and In the Light,  Cassie


Reach Out and Touch Somebody's Hand - Diana Ross
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-7qCG2_aaA

Outlaw Poet .....

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

IF I GIVE MY LOVE TO YOU if my world gos dark, will you shine your light, when i stumble and fall, will you help make things right, as we grow old, will we be together at night, if i lose my way, will you help me see, when summers turn to winters, will your new year be with me, as our love grows stronger, in us will you still believe, if i give you my love, will it be safe in your heart?............the outlaw poet

 

COME JOIN ME

lets find us a place
where the world
dosnt know we're there
...i'll hold you
where our eyes only see
the essense of love
which is floating everywhere
just kiss me
in a place only you know
where only lovers
breath the air
i'll love you
past forever and a day
come join me
let the wind caress

THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson ARE YOU THERE its late at night, and somewhere out there, she lays sleeping, in her dreams, do we dance, does she say my name, does she love me, like i love her, when the lights are out, will she reach, to be held in my arms, are our dreams the same, is she there.........the outlaw poet

 

Timothy Johnson

I LOVE YOU

if i was to surrender
my heart to you
and sing you my song
...lady would we dance
would you sing along

if i was to surrender
my soul to you
and fly in your sky
would you be there
with me side by side

if i was to surrender
my love to you
and be just your man
forever and a day
would you understand

the outlaw poet

5-20-11 Moving On to a New Destination

5-20-11   Moving On to a New Destination

This week has been about reaching my destination....somehow I know this is just the start of a brand new journey....

Monday evening I had dinner with Mary, she was in a lot of pain from a muscle spasm in her back so once we got done eating I gave her a quickie 5 minute reiki on her back, she said she felt something move in her back and I told her to let me know what happened. I spent the rest of the evening working on wrapping things up at the old house. Jeremy and Andrew came over and helped me move the rest of the garbage to the curb, I ran out and got a screwdriver so we could take apart my bed, and I answered and ad to sell the washer/dryer since the new place came with one. I also posted to sell the fridge and the portable dishwasher from the tenants side so I would have cash to pay the kids who will help me move. I told Jeremy he can have the over the stove microwave. The excitement in me just building and building as each thing gets taken care of....

Tuesday evening I picked up Jeremy and his roommate Mike and brought them over to pack up my bed and make the plans with them for Friday. They were not able to help me Saturday they said, luckily I got several of my friends coming that day so I should be good. It's Sunday I am concerned about the most as I have to get up that day and disconnect and move my TV and computer and microwave alone. It was on my mind so much that when I got a reply e-mail from Randy I asked him if he would come over Sunday after work to help hook up my DVD and TV. I worried as soon as I sent that, wondering if it was going to be OK and so I prayed to God to block all that if it went against his will for the direction of my life at this time. For good measure I wrote to the POF guy to let him know that I was moving down there finally and would be willing to meet him, he was real happy about that and said to let him know as soon as I was ready. I wished he'd offer to come over and help out but then again we hadn't met yet, then again some other guys offered when they heard I was moving. One thing I am sure about that I want in my life is a man who will help me and take care of me a little, like my Dad did my Mom, and me even though he was a step-Dad. It's just annoying though most of all that as far as I have come on my path, as much as I have evolved on this path, when it comes to men and romantic relationships I still don't know what the heck I am doing!

But anyway Jeremy was all in a tizzy because that day he had been in a Pizza place and some guy, from a particular ethnic group, came up to him got in his face for no reason , mouthed off to him, swung at him and spat in his face. Jeremy said that he did nothing to this guy not then and not ever and he was real upset about how he had treated him. He said it took all restraint he had to not hit him. I got mad when I heard that and called him a name that refers to that ethnic group, and I told him I love many people like that but there are some who behave this way, have attitude and hate others only because they are not of their same ethnic group, those are the ones who this label was created for, not the others. Well I suppose no one deserves a derogatory label but honestly I wish I had a way to help stop this cycle of hatred. I also know that the right thing to do, the thing that Jesus would do is turn the other cheek, but me as a mother said: you better do something about this because you will loose respect and then they will all be at ya.. Something else I need to learn, how to figure out a peaceable way to protect yourself, and teach my son to protect himself, then again that's an age old problem.... In the end though I just told him , told them both, what they need is a fresh start in a new town, a better town and that I was going to show them all around Keyport on Friday....

Wednesday I got an e-mail from Randy and he said yes to coming and helping me Sunday so I said a quick little prayer to God to give this his blessing or to make it not happen and most of all his will, not mine to prevail. Shortly there after that I got a text from my realtor Mike saying that the C of O was approved! Whewww another hurdle I got over! I worked very hard at the office that day tying up loose ends reminding people to copy the group mailbox while I was out etc. I went home and packed my bike and a few things in the car to be ready for the next day.. I also decided to post a BBQ for Memorial Day at my new house, I wanted to stay close to my new town and go watch the parade and also to have a chance to thank those who helped with the move and show my place to others. It was a private invite though, the big party days of 175 were over ..I sadly had to turn down an offer of a band for the event due to the proximity of my neighbors. But who knows maybe I will end up finding a park nearby... LOL Also do you remember the woman who read this blog , ordered some Spiritstones for her surgery and turns out she lives in Cliffwood Beach? Well she posted to me last night in my Spiritual in NJ Group that she is just ONE block from my new home! How's that for amazing?

Thursday I got up and went to work, watching the minutes tick slowly by till noontime. My buddy Mike called me to chat for a bit as he's been really busy with his business but he wanted to thank me again for the little tool set gift I had gotten him for his new boat, he said it had bailed him out of several predicaments this week! I told him I am a psychic gift giver, I have always had a knack of getting just the right thing for people, I think because I stay in tune on an inner level with people I care about a lot, I mean sometimes I am off but not usually, and I have had some friends who are just as in tune with me too, it's really amazing to pay attention and benefit from the connections we have with others. Mike also gave me some good advice, some I already was applying but I can apply it even further, he said to be sure and not take any of my old junk I don't use or need down there with me or into that new home. Clean up, clear out and simplify he said and he is right! I shall be doing that, it made me make the final decision on if I really wanted to take the dresser and chest of drawers from my room, they had been Gus's (my ex husband) and the last pieces of furniture we had together. I also wrote to Randy to ask if he could bring over his moving dolly for me to borrow while I had a "crew" over, I told him I got the C of O and it was safe I felt to give him the address (you all saw all of this coming didn't you? what can i say the heart wants what the heart wants)

The pack rat guy called me just before noon asking questions on where to place the small one I had ordered to get the rest of my stuff in like the outdoor stuff etc. He ended up calling me three times! The last call was while I was driving and halfway down there to meet him, he said that my yard was muddy and went from the high grass and the truck slipped and he gave up. I was frantic! I told him I had a crew of people meeting me the next day and he had to get it down there! I told him that the ground was very solid but he had already headed home. I started to panic, I called corporate, I called my son, I had people coming to unload on Friday and Saturday! In the end Jeremy called them and got it worked out, I went down to the house and stocked the fridge with beer and soda for the next day, unloaded my car and went back up to take Jeremy to the house. He mowed the area of the yard and he pulled the carpet out of my living room and dining room and put it down over the mud. He is such a good son saving me and taking care of things like that, its been hard him being the son of a single mother but it's also made him amazingly helpful not only to me but to others.

Friday morning the truck came and got the pack rat with no problems. Just as he was leaving the driveway and I was getting ready to go I got an e-mail from my lawyer with a new proposal from the Township, most of it was good but they still wanted a large amount to be put in escrow. I told Tony to let them take the soil samples and yes I would have my insurance company take out the tank if needed but they can forget the escrow as I don't have it for them since I have to pay him and my realtor. Let's see what they have to say about that... I had no time to think further on that matter. Then  I went and picked up Jeremy and his roommate Mike and took them for breakfast at WaWa and off we went to the house. They worked so fast and so hard that by the time my friend Mike from Improv showed up the pack rat was empty all except for my big screen TV! I texted Randy that I no longer needed his dolly and I went out and got us pizza. We all sat at my table and ate and talked and had loads of fun. My furniture ended up fitting a lot better than I thought it was going to also, the only thing is the desk is kinda big but maybe I can get something else later on. Before heading home I drove the boys around town. Mike loved it and I think Jeremy did too, they said for sure they will come visit me sometimes and stay over, as a matter of fact I am sure lots of my friends will! I dropped them off home and went to Lowes before heading home to rest for sat. Randy called me and we talked awhile, he said he had driven by the house last night and he was so glad that we were now neighbors, he said that's amazing that I saw you there in my dream last summer and I said yes see you did help me find a home! He told me he was off 4 days for Memorial Day weekend but he wasn't going to Vermont. I told him I had scheduled a BBQ and he was more than welcome to come to it and he said sure I'd love that! I said well between now and then I probably can use some help around the house too, now that I am down there alone and Jeremy is not moving with me. Sure sure I will come over and help you he said........great I said see you soon.....

So I am arriving at my new destination, an end of one way of life and the beginning of another. I am sooooo excited! There is much talk on the Internet of some doomsday prophecies that say The Rapture is going to happen tomorrow 5-21-11, where all the good God fearing people are going to be taken away to heaven and the rest have to stay here and suffer through trials and tribulations. Well I am pretty sure that I am not going anywhere off the planet, God would not have bothered to let me do all this packing and moving when I could have been out "saving souls" at the last minute if that were the case. LOL It's pretty funny though they have some pretty silly jokes going around, like the one below:

At any rate I want you all today to think about where you want to go next, what destinations do you have in mind and what changes are you going to have to make in YOURSELF to get there? This has been a big year of change for me or I never would have made this move!  A good quote comes to mind:  What you get by reaching your destination is not nearly as important as what you will become by reaching your destination.  ~Zig Ziglar
Think about it people........


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY

The Outlaw Poet...

Timothy Johnson

MOTHER MARY

tears with no where to run
pain with no place to hide
how do you tell a heart
...to say good bye
to someone whos loved you
without doubt rom the start
as the angels come
to be by her side
where can i hide
why cant i say good bye

marys son, the outlaw poet

my mother will leave us in a few hours, please send her your prayers on her transition, thank you

Timothy Johnson

LOVE NEVER DIES the healing hands of the wind, wiped the tears from my eyes, and caressed my heart, telling me shes never gone, for love never dies, the warm strokes of the sun, wrapped me in heavens arms, and massaged my soul, telling me shes never gone, for love never dies........the outlaw poet....THANK YOU MOM FOR ALL YOU GAVE ME, MY LOVE GOS WITH YOU

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART when your heart talks, you need to listen, for it is these unspoken words, these unsung songs, where love belongs, look with your heart, not your eyes, for only then can you see, beauty thats real, looks you can feel, listen to your heart if you want to dance, giving love a chance.........the outlaw poet

LETS RIDE

i have seen those with broken wings
still trying tp fly
so many with no shoes
...trying so hard to walk
they cried
i have seen broken roads littered with dreams
just wanting to be alive
i have felt my heart
talk of love
saying if you give up you will die
i have heard the angels singing
love will lift your wings
to fly..lets ride
the outlaw poet

Outlaw Poet.....keeping hope alive

Timothy Johnson NEVER GIVE UP dont love her, shes done so much wrong, they said shes no good, stealing other peoples songs, her heart was slowly bleeding, in silence she cried, no one to say good bye, she was left to die, then she decided to fly, left to die with fire still in her eyes, now she rides and flys tonight......the outlaw poet...NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE NO MATTER HOW BAD THE PAIN

Timothy Johnson LOVE if you couln not walk i would carry you..when you are confused i will tell you the truth..if you could not talk i would find a way to listen..when you fall down ill help you up again..if you could not see i would be your guide..when your wings are broke ill patch them to fly..if you give me your heart ill keep it safe..when you want forever im yours today.........the outlaw poet

Timothy Johnson A MOMENT IN TIME WITH YOU, is all i ask of forever, call it my dreams my wish my fantasy, for of you they are all true, others may have taken you for granted, the joy of simply being with you, for what i wouldnt give, for the seashore and the beach, you and me playing in the sand, for a moment in time we'd live, making love with the rhythm of the waves, youd have all i have to give............the outlaw poet

Timothy Johnson LETS RIDE on a desert backroad, feeling a warm gentle breeze, there was no need for clothes, yes your long hair flowing, your tanned body sensually breathing, you were all i wanted to see, it was scooters in june, some old waylon and willie tunes, in the shadow of the moon, we made love..............the outlaw poet........LETS RIDE

Timothy Johnson

FACE OF LOVE
no matter where i go
be it the yesterdays in my mind
or the sunrises of new mornings
my heart will always dance
...hearing love songs from your band
for ive seen in your eyes
the face of love
the face of love is you

the outlaw poet

5-16-11 Following The Signs

5-16-11   Following The Signs

Lots of signs to follow this week........

Friday morning I woke up and was so excited about going down to get my keys and to start unpacking the things of mine that I was able to fit in my car. I was working from home till noon then use a half vacation day to go get the certified checks and take them to get the keys. Mid morning someone pulled in my driveway, which is a rare thing now days....it was an official vehicle and I thought it was the township people poking around again so of course I was annoyed already, three years of them, all their visits 100's of people, all the misery I was darn tired of them! So as the guy came up to the porch I said who are you and what are you doing on my property? He said he was from the health department and someone had reported a pile of garbage behind my house that had been here for months and they were concerned about vermin! OMG I said I can't believe them and I poured out the whole story of them to him. He said well I see you have it all on a tarp, that you have dumpsters here and are cleaning it up I will take pictures and close the case, no mess here. I started crying at that point and thanked him so much but Grrr I was mad and I told him to tell the "anonymous tipster" that my lawyer was going to hear about this!

I then got ready to head out to the bank and just before it was time to leave I got a text from Randy....Hi.....I just stared at it not knowing what to do should I just ignore him, seems so mean, should I text him to tell him I can't text with him anymore, OMG ! I decided to ignore it, I did not want anything messing with getting this house, I had lost FOUR possible homes because of showing them to him or telling him about them and he drove by...no....I ignored it and did my best to not think about him. I headed off to the bank to get my certified checks, I started to go to the one bank and realizexd there was an easier to get to branch and turned around and went that way. On the way there I passed a truck with the last name of the woman from the township who was my main contact for the buy.....hummm. The bank transaction was smooth and I headed towards Keyport, stopping at WaWa to get some lunch to take to the house to eat while I was cleaning and un-packing. When I came out there was a truck parked next to me that said township on it....humm to me that was two signs that it was them messing with me! So I said a quick prayer to Saint Michael and asked him to fight this battle for me, and I put it out of my mind, I had him and I had Tony my lawyer. I reflected on how there have always been Michaels and Anthonys in my life who were helpful to me in times of need...

I got to Keyport and got my transaction handled and headed to the house, reflecting on the fact that my landlords name is Vic, my ex-business partner! LOL I thanked Mike and I told him I would send him some business and when I am ready to buy I will be in touch oh and one more thing....if you see that woman moving out of Randy's house let me know cuz I am not talking to him unless she does its just bad karma. Ok I will he said, I saw him outside fixing his fence the other day...Oh that's great I said maybe he's getting the idea again to sell it, it had been our plan 4 yrs ago to sell our homes, get one down there together and also a cabin in Vermont... I then happily headed over to my new home,  it was smaller than I had remembered it but I just need to live with less I told myself cut down on the clutter of my life. I spent the afternoon cleaning and unpacking and putting things in closets and pantries and linen closets... I took a pocketful of Spiritstones and put them in all the windows and closets and such in every room. I found the bag of the ones I had around the old house and felt that I should put them around the outside of the property on sat. I worked till I was exhausted and I headed towards home...the old home.... When I got home I checked and Randy had texted me Hi again, so I texted Mary and asked what should I do, she said oh it wont hurt to say Hi but dont mention the move....course I was ahead of her, I texted Hi back.....I am off Memorial Day Weekend....oh good for you that's great.....it was a premonition he texted.......I am off 20-31st I said.....wow he said.....I am moving that's why.....where to he asked? That's when I told him that I am afraid to tell him, that I think "the wife" put a curse on me and made me lose all the other homes.........that's silly he said.......The I said sunset, laurelhurst, middlesex, ridge four is not a coincidence and besides I asked you to use your powers and help me figure out where to go and you did not. He had no reply for that and I left it alone.......let it be, just let it be I felt. If God wants us together HE will direct the steps of our paths so that they cross, I leave it to fate.... my choices in this matter have only brought me down dead end paths.....

Saturday I woke up all achey but determined to take some more things down in my car and do as much cleaning and unpacking that I could accomplish, besides I wanted to be in my new place. I posted a moving party on facebook for next Friday and Saturday from 1-5pm for whoever could stop in, and reflected on the fact that despite the fact I had so many "friends" there were few I could ask, and of those even fewer who would come help me. I thought of Randy and wished I could ask him, I knew he'd give me at least a little of his time, but I knew I could not ask. I got in the car and headed down and guess who texted me soon as I pointed my car in that direction......yup Randy. He asked what I was doing today and I said going to new house to do some work, I'm working today, I fixed my fence though drive by and go see.....I already know I texted back.....then got to thinking oh he's going to think I drove by when I promised not to. I have a friend who lives around the corner from you, he told me, I told him to let me know if he ever saw a moving van in front of your house and her leaving.......SOON was his reply. Yeah well your soon takes years and besides she's giving you pokey now....not really was his reply, of course I wasn't sure which statement he was addressing but I went with the pokey one and replied: the story always keeps changing....`That shut him up and I happily worked for a few hours, sweeping the basement and shed, unpacking cleaning having a grand time. I needed a break so I decided to make a Walmart run.....so I went past his house to see his new fence, it was looking better...but his Christmas lights were still up..... So I texted him to say fence looks good and you should take those lights down and see if you can find my purple ones sometime while the wife is away.. he replies ok, thanks and do you want to get a drink? I replied that I was at Walmart was dirty sweaty and I am pretty sure there are cobwebs in my hair..... You are turning me on he sent back.... Sheese men! Don't go flirting with me you are NOT getting any pokey from me, I am too good to be anyone's mistress.... Oh was all he had to say. I then asked him if I could borrow the paint sprayer I got him to do the wood patio set that was left by the last tenants. Yup sure can to which I replied probably be ready for painting memorial day weekend, maybe I can get it before you head up to Vermont to which  he said he also had to do the fence so I said you do yours first that way I know you got it working before I borrow it. Yeah I gotta clean it and prime it he said.... It just may come in handy to be neighbors....

Sunday I went down to the new house again to take a few things and get a little work done. I had asked Jeremy to call me if he wanted to go, well he called but not till 1pm and I was already down there. I was very tired today and I debated going home early and taking a nap, but I had said to Randy that maybe I'd meet him since I didn't go sat night...I wanted to tell him that the I think the dream he had about where I am going to live was right, I had come in to my home from a different direction and noticed it was on a triangle intersection , and across from that was a deli/convience store. Randy had dreamed a small temporary rental, on a triangle intersection with a restaurant across the street last summer! If you don't believe me (click here to view) . I had wanted to see him and tell him that but it wasn't meant to be.... I never heard from him and I finally texted him about 4:30.... are we getting together today? ...where are you was his reply.....at the new house, am done here for today and won't be back till Friday......I'm gonna go home and clean out my car he sent back.........Oh OK I said. Now for a minute or two several thoughts ran through my mind: see he doesn't want to see me now he knows he won't get pokey....maybe he's offended because I won't invite him to see the new house.....maybe "the family" is waiting for him at home......maybe he wants to go hang with a buddy......or maybe he is just cleaning out the car. I know that the smartest thing to do is accept what people say at face value, it is their responsibility to speak truth or not it's not your responsibility to spend time and energy trying to figure the truth out. I have wasted far too much of my life and my energy doing that all for naught, so please try to just believe what people tell you......trust me there is such simplicity in that......

Sunday evening my buddy Mike called me as I had e-mailed him about why did he leave my meetups again, that man is more like me that I realized.,  maybe we are related! LOL I talked to him about his friend issues and I asked him about my Randy issue and he said see you are like me the one who loves you the most you treat the worst, he probably blew you off Sunday because you are being such a baby and not letting him come see your new place. I did end up sending Randy an e-mail Sunday night before I went to bed, asking him if he remembered the house he saw me living in in the dream he had last summer, I told him that the one I am in has everything he described except that it's not across from a restaurant and could it possibly be something else? I woke up Monday morning and he had replied that he would have to draw me a picture as it was very clear in his mind what he saw and it maybe a small store... At that moment I knew he HAD seen me in THIS house and I knew how connected we really are on a level that is far far beyond this earthly plane with all its limitations. Sure he is who he is will all his wounds and his damage but I wrote him back and told him then that as soon as I get the C of O and start moving in I will let him know so he can come see it. It's time to stop hurting over all the things that I want from him that he is not or is not giving to me and to just love him the way that he is without asking him to be anything that he is not or give to me anything he doesn't want to. The love I speak of is going to be a platonic love but that isn't anything less than and in fact I believe often its much stronger than romantic love. And the basis of any real and true romantic partnership......

Today I want you all to look around for signs in your own lives, I am sure there are many you are missing or even ignoring. Some will be small and faded, some will be hidden by bushes, some of course will be wrong too, then others will be like huge flashing neon billboards blasted across skyscrapers! PAY ATTENTION, pray for guidance and discernment, and don't ever be afraid to follow a sign and take a new direction because after all like Wendy's spoiler alert in her blog the other day...we ALL end up at the seashore eventually!


With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

My soul is from elsewhere,
I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.Rumi

5-13-11 Time to Shine!

Shine like the whole universe is yours!
♥ Rumi ♥

5-13-11  Time to Shine!

This whole week has been all about cleaning out the negative and letting in all the positive light!

Monday morning I saw that the house that I thought I was going to get to rent to own had the price lowered, that indicated to me that she meant business and was not going to take my higher rent to own offer. I talked to my friend Mike and he said will I just give up and go rent something already because I was stressing him out with all this! LOL He said quit trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and just rent something that's for rent instead of trying to get a rent to own. I had talked to Mary the day before also, she said my guides were pretty silent on all of this the only thing they told her for me was that if I was following God I was headed in the right direction. That doesn't help much I said! But I did contact Mike my realtor and told him I'd take a half day Tuesday to come down and look at rentals. And I also decided to stop posting where I was going and being all happy and excited because there are people out there who don't like me and I don't need the negative energy, I think it was sabotaging me in some ways. I had also decided the night before that I was going to leave Randy be too, because no matter what the situation at his home, he belongs to her, he made a commitment to her by moving her in even if he didn't marry her and I was bringing bad karma on myself by even just being his friend because of the anger and negative energy she sends my way because she doesn't want us to be friends. I need a fresh slate, a clean life, and I can't have that when I am generating bad karma and receiving negative energy from others.

Monday evening I went to see  Pat and got a Reiki treatment from her. This woman is amazingly good! If you are in this area I can't recommend her enough, even just driving down the drive to her home (she lives on a horse farm) the stress starts to go from me. But I digress, before the treatment we talked and she also said to me about keeping my business close to my chest, don't tell my plans all over because there could be jealous people of those even just in a bad mood that day who could send bad energy my way. It's totally possible to fend off psychic attack when you know about it but if you don't you are defenseless. We did the treatment and she had me hold various crystals and stones throughout the time. I felt bursts of air flow out of me, like a sigh, I felt it was releasing things. When she was done she held my hand for a bit to see if she could "get" anything for me..she said she saw me moving soon and that I was going to be working with several different spiritual groups, that I would do events that I would sell my Spiritstones and all these things would bring me extra income. I asked if she saw me with a partner and she said not yet, that I had to get established and do my work in the community first but she said she saw me surrounded by people all the time, that I would make new friends there and that my old friends would be driving down to see me often. Sure they will I said summers coming and I am moving down the shore of course they are going to want to visit! LOL I am so glad that I went , it truly was a huge soothing of my nerves and healing of my recent disappointments.

Tuesday I worked a half day and then drove down to meet Mike. I looked at one rental and said lets do this, I am not going to find anything better. I went to the office and signed the rental agreement and then I went and picked up a lawn mower off free cycle and got Jeremy and took it home. I told him to fix that one up nice for me to take to the rental house and he can keep my bigger one for himself and his lawn care business he is trying to get started. I then walked my property and looked around and said goodbye to it. I felt no sadness...I am very much ready to go. I didn't post and share this info with anyone though, only told Mary because she called and Mike the next day when he called me.

Wednesday was a day of big news. First I get a text from Mike saying there was a huge front page article about the grant money drying up to have oil tanks removed from properties. He thought that news was going to upset me but it did not. I felt like it would release something in regards to the township, make them perhaps give up on this and go ahead and buy it and seek grant money in other ways after the fact. I do know there is plenty available from the State Historical Society but they must first own the place. Next big news that came was that the Director of my group at work got moved to another place all together. I was so happy as I have been praying for him to be gone. Not that he is a bad guy or anything but he is very old school and its because of him that I can't be considered for advancement here. He is a stickler for the degree and doesn't appreciate the years of knowledge and the back ground of me or anyone else for that matter. This was indeed good news! Next I got a call from Cheryl, the realtor for my home and the township had read the news in the paper of the grant money not being available and now they want to try to go to MY bank and ask them for 30 or 40,000 to get the tank out.......I was like screw them! She said she was going to call Tony, my lawyer and let him handle it and I said no one is to call him anymore, I am tired of the BS with them on my dime! So she said she would send an e-mail only. I told her I was showing it myself and I had a couple offers, too low but still more than if they took that kind of money out so screw the township they should have bought it and got the grant money from Trenton! Next I got a call from Mary who had at that same time been talking to someone who told me she has been looking all over NJ and PA for a home to buy to house war veterans and their dogs while they learned to work with them, I guess the dogs are some type of assistance dogs for handicapped veterans? The woman lives in Flemington so I told her that I had no problem showing her the place........ I didn't get too excited about it but I will be open to anything. Right now though I am just waiting to hear back on if the landlord accepted my rental application.......

Thursday I got the call from Mike bright and early that they said yes! I was so happy and so excited and I scheduled to take off work 1/2 day on Friday to go take the checks and get the key(screw the Friday the 13th superstitions) I was so happy all day I was glowing!  That  night I was heading home to pack up as much stuff I could into my car and I saw how dusty it was with pollen and I thought of going to wash it, then I thought no its going to get dirty again with the move, but for some reason my little voice kept nagging so I went and did a quickie self-serve wash. Then Mary called me and wanted to meet at Sonic so I did. I told her all about the house and about the house and also about my decision to not see Randy even as a friend or answer if he calls or texts and I told God to let fate cross our paths again IF he's ever free again. She said you know he will find you and I said well you are probably right but I am asking God to keep us apart unless she's gone because she does not want us to be friends even and I must respect that. Time will change all that she said but don't think about that now send your energy to your move and don't post about it till its done. I told her I was still going to write this blog just not post it like I usually do. Good she said, this is your time to really move in the positive light and you don't need any negative energy being sent your way to slow you down.

In the evening I looked over my bills to get them paid so I wouldn't have to worry about it during the move time. It was so exciting to be writing in my new address! I have been in this home for 22 years, I thought I was going to live out my days here but this is more fun! One of the bills I noticed was due in two days so I decide to call so as to avoid a late fee. After making the call he told me about some payment protection plan I could get, it would cost me $13 but since I was moving (that was one of the 15 instances it would go into effect) they would pay my payments, two times the minimum balance for three months! And I can cancel after that if I want. So that's going to make me some money! Then I got an e-mail from Zoe at The Sports Zone and she wants to do another event with me and my group! Things are really starting to flow now. I also had had some interchange with my realtor up here who was supposed to sell my house, I discussed this also with Mary as she had referred me to her and she said we need to go to the next township meeting. I said NO she does, its her commission she needs to fight for....who knows that may just begging to flow too...

So today I want you to see what you can do to remove the negative energy in your life, get rid of the fear and the worry and the indecision. Get rid of false friends and don't tell your good news in public either less it makes someone jealous and they send bad vibes your way. Look closely at your behavior and see where you can clean that up to.....the more you polish yourself, your life and the aura around you the more you can shine!

With Love and In The Light, Cassie

Earth Wind and Fire- Shining Star

http://youtu.be/7XIMuUBVuWM

 PS - as I prepared to post this blog the blogger system was down for maintenance-- guess the universe really does want me to keep hush hush on this deal till I have completed it.... and the guy from Chicago wrote to tell me he received his stones and will let me know if they work for him.... I reminded him that what he wants for himself he should give to another.....and sent him light and love and distance reiki for his goals 

Outlaw Poet .....a new journey

Timothy Johnson IS SHE THERE somehere out there, does she lay sleeping, all alone tonight, does she dream of me, like i dream of her, does she reach for me, wishing i was there, can our hearts see, two beating as one, does my outlaw princess feel me, does she want me, like i want her, is she there.........the outlaw poet IF YOU FEEL ME LETS DANCE

Timothy Johnson BE FREE id like to see you swim the seas..in waters where you are free..like a dolphin off the coast of greece..or a mermaids life of ecstacy..your happiness is all i want to see..all ya gotta do is swim lifes seas..id like to see you free..........the outlaw poet....MY FRIENDS DONT FORGET TO DANCE

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

DREAMER call me a dreamer, for i will understand, just believe a path of peace, made of love and happiness, can begin in the heart, of any woman or man...call me a dreamer, im glad you know of me, your long hair bearded man, holding on to hope, looking for lifes sunshine, a place just to be...call me a dreamer, for i will understand.......the outlaw poet

COME WITH ME
this old world
can be so crazy
making it hard to believe
and impossible to dream
...where loves a mystery

close your eyes
listen to your heart
for there is a place
where love dances
both night and day

im standing here
just for you
im yours cant you see
today make forever
come with me
come with me
...................................the outlaw poet

5-9-11 Knowing Love

Are you fleeing from Love because of a single humiliation?
What do you know of Love except the name? ~Rumi

 5-9-11  Knowing Love

This weekend has been a reflection on Knowing Love and Favor.......

Friday I worked from home which is something that always makes me happy. I get to sleep in a little and work in my PJ's half the day. (or all the day if I want to). Some one wrote me from reading this blog where I posted it in Chicago and wanted to buy some Spiritstones from me, so I told him $10 for three of them and what intention did he want them charged with? He said he wanted to get love and favor among all people, then he wrote back and said and also I forgot the most important part, to have favor with God. I told him I will put that intention in them for the people but for God he doesn't have to ask for that because it is always there and never is taken away. He also asked if he could wear them as a necklace and I told him sure, he just needs to get some soft wire and make a "cage" for the stone and put it on a chain or a rope. Later that day Jeremy wanted me to pick him up and when I told him that I had to go to the UPS store first he said I should go to the Post Office its cheaper and when I explained it's only open when I am at work he offered to go for me next time.

Saturday morning I wrote to Mike to check in on if they settled on a price for the rent to own. He called me and said they did but then she decided that she doesn't want to do a rent to own, she is concerned about having to pay taxes on the rental income. I felt like a vice was squeezing my heart, I was in shock.... I told him I don't know how many times I can have the rug pulled out from under me! He said well do you want to start looking at apartments? Then something came over me and I told him NO lets not give up, talk to them, offer a bit more offer for me to pay in cash, lets see what we can do I am not ready to give up on this one so he said he would do what he could and let me know. We hung up and the disappointment was awful....I called Mary for her to pray and to try and contact my guides. While we were talking it just came to me, this is a test of your faith Cassie, just hold on....and because I had somewhere to be soon I hung up. I got in my car and headed out for the event I was going to, a Butterfly Release with the Motherless Daughters Group, I prayed to God all the way there and I asked my Mom and my Grandma to go and speak to God for me since they were up there with him. I also asked God are you pulling this back because I was having second thoughts about Randy again? I will do whatever you ask of me I said anything whatever your will is.......I did in that moment feel like he said to  me will you just love Randy without asking anything of him in return? , it wasn't a strong message, and I was wrapped in fear and panic at that moment but again I prayed that I would do whatever he asked of me so long as the message was loud and clear...

The Butterfly Release was a wonderful distraction, I managed to get the house problem off my mind for the afternoon. There were about 45 of us, all women who had lost their mothers. We gathered at monument square and Susan passed out butterflies to each of us, she said a few words and then we opened up our envelopes. At first my butterfly didn't want to take off but then she did and flew up among the trees, then she came back and sat on the grass for a bit. After everyone let their butterfly's go there were some extras, I was one of the lucky ones who got an extra one and the second one I sent up to my grandma. I did a little more crying, this grieving process really is a process.....I wish most of all that I had gotten closer to my Mom when she was here, that I had told her I love her when she said it to me when I called. But my relationship with her was a tough one, full of good moments and just as often really hurtful moments. My relationship with her growing up has a great deal to do with my fear of love today. I want to be loved so badly but when I get close to love I just want to run away from it because it has stung and hurt me so many times. So I do the dance, allowing myself to feel it and then backing off again from it. I am hoping now, after death, I can finish the healing of the painful parts of my relationship with my mother and remember only the good parts........ After the release we all went to lunch at Old Man Raffertys and talked and got to know each other more, lending comfort to one another and by the time I started driving home I was exhausted and laid down about 5pm when I got home and slept till 8pm. Below see a picture of one of the butterfly's as the envelope was opened.

I slept deeply and dreamed of a home, a home I was considering living in but wasn't sure that I wanted. It seemed to be a small apartment but once you got inside you could see the basement had been recently re-done and was not only spacious but very beautiful, it seemed to go on and on and I kept exploring it noting what a lovely foundation had been restored. I woke up and pondered on this, know that in dreams houses represent your life, I guess in a way I have worked on my own foundation this past year, rebuilding it, making it solid, fixing the cracks and giving it new paint. And the foundation I have made for myself is a big one, that has lots of room for all to come to and find shelter. I can build on this foundation and trust it to be a sturdy one...

Sunday I went to Mass and ran into a friend and asked he how she has been, oh awful was her reply, and ran off a litany of recent woes, ending with I feel like I have been living under a dark cloud and I don't understand it I am a good person I do good works for others and I don't know why God is allowing me to suffer so much lately. I can relate I told her, I so can relate. I reflected through the service on how so many people I know are going through very hard times, and these are good people who live good lives and do so much for others. How can we sit here and think that God loves us when he isn't giving us what we want and need I thought? Then I did some reflecting on Love itself and relationships, what IS being loved anyway? If I want someone to love me, what is it that I expect of them to show to me that they love me? How do I know that I am loved? On pondering that I thought about well when I love someone how does that manifest? I know that my sons if they want to know that I love them may think that I should help them find a job or buy them the video game they want or maybe event tell them what a great person they are. But I know that while love does manifest to them in that way sometimes it also can sometimes mean that I make them go get that job on their own, I don't indulge every request as it will spoilt them, and sometimes love is saying you should examine that behavior and see where you can improve...

Wow I was onto something here I thought.......so how does this interpret as how I perceive God's love for me? Why didn't he wave that magic wand of his and get me that promotion that I wanted? That house that I wanted? The romantic relationship that I wanted? And why am I going through so many struggles and hard times? Could it be perhaps that God wants me to find a way to get these things for MYSELF? To do the work that is needed to find my own way on my own path? Again life is about the journey, and if I got everything I wanted when I asked for it it wouldn't mean as much to me. And that fear of love that I have, really the only way that love has ever hurt me really was when it didn't live up the expectations that I had of it. Sure my mom had hurt me many times when she didn't treat me as good as I wanted her to, when she wasn't always there for me , when she didn't always say the nicest of things to me or about me, but that was her humanness. Same with Randy, I didn't think he loved me because he didn't buy me things, because he wanted to be out riding his motorcycle instead of watching a movie with me, or because he didn't call me or come over as much as I wanted. And now I am questioning God's love for me because he didn't get me a new house to live in or a closed deal on mine, or a man to love me or a promotion at work. But none of those things are really love, love and favor in its simplest of forms is just liking and accepting a person just the way that they are, appreciating them, and wishing only for them to be happy. Not being responsible for their happiness but rather just wishing for them to find it for themselves. In my Spiritual group someone posted the below poem by Rumi and I pondered also on it all day......and I come up with the idea that Love just IS, its not something you can measure or weigh or judge it just IS. Just because someone loves you does not obligate them to be or do or say anything because if we try to harness it, shape it to what we desire of it then it will break away and go on its own path as readily as the sea itself does........

Today I want you to ponder on this one.. Its a hard one and I am still working on it myself........but today think about Love and the times you felt love hurt you, let you down or wasn't there for you, wasn't strong enough for you .......are you running away from Love because you fear drowning in something that won't save you? Or are you ready to drown who you thought you were and what you think you need and just know it the way that it is?........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

SEA OF LOVE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn57CdH52qY

Some Rumi:

Subtle degrees
of domination and servitude
are what you know as love.

...but Love is different;
It arrives complete
just there
like the moon in the window.

like the sun
of neither east nor west
nor of anyplace.
when that Sun arrives
east and west arrive.

desire only that
of which you have no hope
seek only that
of which you have no clue.
Love is the sea of not-being
and there, intellect drowns.

this is not the Oxus River
or some little creek.
this is the shoreless sea.
here, swimming ends always in drowning.

a journey to the sea
is horses and fodder and contrivance
but at land’s end
the footsteps vanish.

you lift up your robe
so as not to wet the hem;
come! drown in this sea
a thousand times!

the moon passes over
the ocean of non-being.
droplets of spray tear loose
and fall back on the cresting waves.

a million galaxies
are a little scum
on this shoreless sea.