8-22-11 Finding a Comfortable Spot

8-22-11   Finding a Comfortable Spot

Friday night I was supposed to go for a walk with my new neighbor but it was starting to rain so we said we'd go in the morning if we could. I had to finish up all the laundry anyway. I also realized that Randy had not come to take my son to the car parts store, and he also didn't text me all day. He must know I am not pleased. I wondered if he'd text me the next day to spend time with me, I was going to be sure to be at that BBQ and take Jeremy too if he wanted to go. I got an e-mail from my realtor saying that the township was ready to move forward on buying my house and NOT make me take out the oil tank. I told her good if they mean it but I hadn't heard from my lawyer. I said see we should have pushed back a long time ago. Sometimes you just have to throw down and walk, really and truly not caring if they come back to the deal or not. Hummm, maybe it's time for that with Randy......I hadn't heard from him all day...

Saturday I was supposed to walk with my neighbor but she slept late, by 9am I gave up and went for a bike ride around the neighborhood and down to the beach. I met a guy who was crabbing and made a note to tell Jeremy about that, he may like it, especially since I am told they sell them to the local resteraunts. I then rode around some because I wanted to take a few pictures. Anthony said this one had very good composition. I was pleased with myself, I do like taking photos it's one of the hobbies I always wanted to do. In the evening I went to a BBQ at a friends house, I took Jeremy and we both had a lot of fun. Some of my friends though were lecturing him on his life and smoking and such, he got mad at me and wanted to know what the heck have I been telling people about him. I don't know how much he will listen to people who only speak to him once or twice a year at a party.... I did actually get a bit annoyed about it and wrote to the one woman the next day but she said he had brought it up and did apologize but she was only trying to help. I guess she was and I shouldn't have felt insulted the way I had origionally, it just made me feel like she didn't think I was a good parent and if she truly cared she'd have talked to him another time not in front of everyone and embarassing him.

They did take a picture of me at the party that I actually don't hate, since that is so rare I will share it. They had a person giving chair massages and Pam treated me to one, boy did I need that!, sooo much tension in my neck and shoulders. She said I need this more often, I told her the guy I was seeing usually gives them to me but he hadn't come around all week.  During the party Pam's sister came over to talk to me and she was saying what a lovely spirit and aura that I have and how special I am that made me feel really good. She also was telling Jeremy how special I am too when we were saying good night. He said I know

but still she's my MOM. LOL Howie had called me a few times that day, he had wanted to take me for a bike ride since the predicted rain never came but understood when I told him I needed to go to this party. He did call me before bed time as he was going on a long ride on sunday. 75 miles he said. He never invited me to go, not that I would have wanted to ride for that long since I am not used to it but still if he really liked me I think he would have asked me....then again I hadn't asked him to this BBQ. I didn't hear from Randy all day, I was a tad suprised since Saturday nights he's usually alone and wants to see me. How was I going to ignore his texts if he didn't send any? LOL

Sunday morning I slept in a bit, been sleeping a tad more lately I think its my alleries and sinus stuff kicking my butt. I keep trying to tell my body I do not have allergies but so far that's not working out for me. I got a text from Randy fairly early in the day.... Hi was all he said. I didn't answer it. Not for three hours and all I said back was Hey. I went into town for some breakfast and to check out the flea market in town. There were tons of people fishing off the pier and crabbing and I thought that was a good idea for Jeremy to try! I am told they sell the crabs to the local resteraunts so I went home, took a shower and he and I went to Target to look for crab traps and nets. We didn't find any. Randy texted asking how I was.....I waited 2 hrs and replied Good. I went home and took a nap and woke up and it was pouring rain, guess Howie's not going to call me for a bike ride tonight I thought so I did some chores and orderd Chineese. I got a text from Randy....so what are you doing? I waited an hour and replied chilling with my boys......he sent back oh both of then are home? He must think Dustin is visiting....I waited 30 minutes and replied NO. This is tiresome, he's got to know I am annoyed with him for not taking Jeremy to the car parts store but he won't talk about it. Tiresome oh so tiresome.... Howie called in the evening and told me all about his ride. I told him maybe the next day since I was off and it was supposed to be nice he could come take me for a ride, he said he didn't know if he could get his bike out since it was raining again so much.....

Monday I was off, my last summer monday and I was determined to go to the beach! I got up and started making some sandwiches and packing a lunch while I waited for Jeremy to wake up. My buddy Mike called and we chatted and I got his opinon on the woman at the party and my son, he said she was way out of line and never would have liked it one bit if the same had been done to her kid but he said I never should have said anything because shes thin and pretty and popular and now I won't be invited out so much. I honestly and truly don't care, I've been in the "in crowd" plenty and I am not comfortable there but he don't get that. Then he told me what the heck was I taking my son with me for anyway? He should be out making friends his own age, that he couldn't have been comfortable and having fun at that party anyway. He said it's not my job to help him find his happiness, and in that moment I realized I was trying to hard.....so when I called to wake him to go to the beach and he declined going I happily set off alone and had a very lovely day all by myself. I put a SpiritStone in the water and sent it some Reiki for cleansing the waters and was actually very glad that I did because just as I was leaving the kids were running in saying it looked like there was puke in the water, upon investigation it looked like sewage and waste from a passing cruise ship or yaught. After the beach I went sightseeing on the observation deck. I took a few pictures and met a nice lady who was visiting her kids and grandkids but didnt want to go onto the sand. I told her so stay here in the shade they can find you later. She also confided to me that she lives in Maine and they all want her to move down here near them, in case I get sick she says, but I love it there so much up in Maine, I live on a lake and I get fresh lobster and I have friends there....I asked her age and she said 71. Oh you got a lot of good years left I told her and that she should stay wherever she is happy and comfortable and tell them to quit worrying. She smiled at that and said nice to meet you as I headed out. I really do love sandy hook and the beach. This is where I am comfortable and happy..... see how lovely:

Today I recalled a quote from an old old work colleuge when I was working at the drug and alcohol counseling office, a summer job in between semesters. They had a laundry list of eternal truths ( I may have posted it here last fall) but anyway the quote on there that came to me today is this: No matter how hard you try, you can't help a hunchback find his most comfortable spot to sleep in. Think on that a bit....... tell me what you come up with......

With Love and In the Light, Cassie