8-29-11 After the Storm
Friday afternoon everyone was preparing for the Hurricane, shelters were being set up, towns were being evacuated, roads and bridges were being closed. I saw where they were saying if you brought your pets they must be in carriers, I thought of Randy and the dog and 7 cats that live with them so I decided to text him that I would leave my cat carrier in the shed in case he needed it. He didn't answer me, which hurt so I got snotty and texted : oh thats right I am not allowed to text you when she might be around. He eventually answered me and just said STOP... I knew he meant stop going on about her but instead I texted: You got it I am done, I will pray for you and your family goodbye. With that he called me (2 weeks no call) but I didn't pick up, nor reply to his texts when he commented how busy Wal-mart was or asked me if I was planning on staying here to ride the storm out. I deleted him from my phone and I prayed to GOD to help me not go back to that pain ever again. Mary says he's just selfish and wants to do everything in his time and his way thats why he never called sooner. Well too late...
Jeremy's friends came to pick him up and take him to their house in north west jersey for the weekend. I kept monitoring the emergency websites to see if we had to evacuate yet, so far still only south of me not my town yet. My friends were checking in on me and my family called from Ohio. I made myself a salad for dinner and then decided to take a ride down the street to leave some SpiritStones. When I got there I saw the area we do yoga and they had pushed the sand up to form a wall, there went my labyrinth too! Oh well..next ones going in my backyard. I walked to the edge and around it to get closer to the water and toss in a SpiritStone, soon as I did a school of little fish jumped up out of the water, almost as if to thank me! I began walking north and they seemed to follow me a bit and kept jumping up a dozen or two dozen at a time! I prayed and sent Reiki and threw in one more stone before going to my car. I drove past Randy's mom's house and wondered if I should check on her but decided since I hadn't seen her all the times when I was bike riding I was not meant to butt in, she had him and two daughters she didn't need me, still I said a prayer and sent Reiki to her house as I passed by. I then went to the area of town near the house I want to buy and tossed some stones there and drove towards the main part of town. I rolled down my windows and prayed and sent Reiki everywhere I passed. In town I walked along the bulkhead and tossed some more stones, then I walked along main street and left a couple more. Seeing the windows taped made me wonder if I should tape my big one but my voice said no you don't need to, go home now. Thats what I did.....I thought of putting stones at my house but my voice reminded me that I had done that when I moved there. Once home I checked again and saw that there would be a mandatory evacuation as of noon the next day. I packed a bag and took my friend up on the offer to come stay at her place and went to bed. Saturday morning I puttzed around and put some extra towels around in the basement and checked to see if things outside were put away. Around 11ish there was a siren going off in town so I posted to facebook about it and said I think its time to go... LOL I drove down by the shore one more time and tossed a couple more SpiritStones and couldn't resist driving past Randy's house, I tossed one out on the road on the side of his house instead of in front because he said his kid found the others and asked questions and he didn't want me doing that anymore. Ever so afraid to get caught with me he is... Anyway I started driving over and he sent me a picture of his Sears all boarded up. I was mad, so mad that I pulled over to the side of the road and texted back: Go home to your "wife and kids" and do not ever contact me again......Why was his reply....I pulled over again and don't recall exaxclty what I said to him (becasue besides deleting him I delteted the whole conversations when I was done) ...then he got snotty and said Oh I didn't get the memo. I was REALLY mad then, so much for this not hurting if I was mad then it could only mean that I still hurt, but you know at this point he's not hurting me I am hurting me! He is only being the person he always has been and I keep hoping he'll be a bit better, no I had no one to blame but me. I pulled over and spewed out something else to which he replied: I miss you in typical Randy style, see he never has had any interest in working through a relationship only upsetting me and then trying to charm his way out of it like any other 12 yr old would do. My last text to him was: well you will be missing me for the rest of your life because you used up every chance you ever had with me. I hope he knows I meant it, it did shut him up.....
I got to Michelles house and we had a lovel lovely time, she made me lunch, we watched a movie, she made me dinner, we watched another movie, we baked cookies, and in between we talked and talked and talked some more. Both of us are single and looking and nurturing hurts about the men we loved recently, and still do love... She has a cat, and her cat looks just like Skooter, Randy's cat that just died and it took me everything I had to not take a picture of her and send to him. I think Michelle was glad I was there since her daughter was away and I am glad my son had gone to his friends so I didn't have to give him any attention and I could enjoy the girl talk. I did end up coming home late sunday afternoon when I saw that the pub in town was posting on facebook that they opened for business at 3pm. I only had to take a few detours to get home and was glad to see only a few puddles in my basement and no damage except to my tomtao plant and a lot of debris in the yard and street and the power was on! I tried to drive down to the beach to check on it but the road blocks were still up. I was greatful that my boss said I could work from home on monday though, we weren't yet supposed to be back on the roads. Mary called to check on me and I told her all about Randy, we both agreed it was time to quit hoping he'd grown up and be with me, even though I feel like he's my twin flame it doesnt matter, loving a man you can't count on to be there when you need is just too painful....time for me to work on attracting something better....
Monday there were many pictures of floods and damage all across the state, even much flooding up in the northeastern parts of the state. I am amazed how much we were sparred here, despite being so close to the shore! I saw quite a few photos of knocked over trees, washed out bridges,even sink holes. But those things were not strong and secure or they would have held..now they can be rebuilt stronger. My neighborhood is all abuzz today with the cable company, the garbage trucks, people out in the sunshine sweeping porches and patios and sidewalks... Jeremy came home and I put him to work on the basement because Wendy is doing meditation workshops here wed and thur of this week. The storm came and washed away a lot of things but now the sunshine is here to shine upon the new seeds we are planting and make them grow....
Today I want you to be thankful for whatever parts of your life that have been spared from the storms, what's strong enough to last and support and also to not linger on what was washed away as it was not built to last it seems. And I want you to think about what seeds you now want to plant in the bare spaces..........choose wisely my friends.......choose things that are strong and dependable....build well......for in your futures you will face more storms.......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
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