5-31-11 Mouring a Lost Love

5-31-11  Mouring a Lost Love

This week I let go, and  mourned.........tommorow I will get on with my life....

Friday I prayed for my lawn to get mowed and to get a lot done in the yard so it would look nice for my first BBQ in my new home and what I hoped would be the first of many for the summer. I was trying to find a ride for Jeremy down to here but that wasn't panning out. I went outside and did what I could and was debating on if I should go downtown and get one of the guys who stand on the corner waiting for work. While I thought I hosed down the front porch and while doing that I picked up the three SpiritStones I had sitting there on the deck rail and put them back down. Right after I did that a landscape truck drove by and I decied what the heck let me try and call the guy who's number my landlord gave me and see if I could get him to come. I called and he said I just drove past! (so many landscapes and HE just drove by) he said he would do one yard and be right over. My yard was done well before noon, I promised to post about his business in on my website since they did such a good job and were reasonable too and it was a good thing as he told me he had just lost a big contract with the school system and he really needed the work.

In the afternoon Jeremy called and his roomate had gotten arrested for not paying child support, how they expect him to do that when he has no job I have no clue but they took him to Morristown and he was getting out later once he saw the judge. I told Jeremy I was going to lay down and take a nap. When I woke up I did not feel well , certainly not well enough to drive for 3 hrs round trip to Morristown, and Flemington and back home again so I told him to call someone else and I was real sorry. I puttered around a bit more and took a shower and then decided to see if Randy wanted to come over since he had not brought me the paint spray gun. I texted do you have plans after work? Was hoping you could stop over.........his reply: I am not sure yet. Well that annoyed me that he would put something before me but then again he did have his life so I just said Ok take care talk to you soon. So he called me and he told me this long story about how long it took him to find the spray guns because the kid had piled all his stuff in the shed so he could use the garage to work on his car. I just said well can you drop one of them off for me tommorow and he said something about being able to get away to come see me later tonight like after 11pm and I said no thanks I am going to bed but you can leave it by the back porch. No I am not liking this one bit and I think that I need to quit forgetting what the spirit told Mary to tell me and that was to let Randy be.

Saturday I headed to Flemington to bring Jeremy and his roomate Mike down to spend the rest of the weekend. They wanted to hang out and I also needed help in the yard and such for the party. Chris came down and she and I went out shopping and to lunch at the Marina and also for ice cream. She had brought me a lovely plant as a house warming gift and paid for my ice cream too! Oh and she told me again how much she loves to read my blog! Who could ask for a better friend than that! We happily made plans to spend much more time together this summer down here and she is going to come sleep over sometimes. While we were out Jeremy and Mike painted the patio furniture and did a lot of the chores on the list. Randy called to see how things were going and I told him we were making steaks later on and he was welcome to come eat dinner at 9pm, he said he was going home to clean up his yard and deck and such so he could paint the next day. He never did show up over here even though I saved him a plate maybe the kids came home or friends came over and I realized that even in the same neighborhood, so long as we had seperate homes we are going to have seperate lives. Chris says this is a good thing because I will have time to look around for other options in men..... Mary also stopped over as she was in the area for a party. She talked to Mike a bit and I told her about his heart attack the other day. She is a medical intuitive also and she gave him a very firm talk about going to the doctor on tuesday , that he needs a stent put in and to take it very easy between now and then.

Sunday morning I was finishing my coffee and about to get in the shower when I got a text from Randy wanting the good spray gun. I said I thought you kept one and I was keeping this one and he said Jeremy had told him this one worked better. So I said OK come get it. He sat and we talked for a good while in the back yard and he said the reason he didn't come over last night was because the kids came home. I decided to tell him about my date, he said "oh are ya cheating on me" and I just gave him a look. He asked to kiss me and I said no go home and kiss your wife, but I did let him rub my shoulders as I am so achey from all the moving. After he left I headed over to Stop & Shop for groceries, they had a new scan as you go system and I wanted to try it but wasn't sure if I could figure it out. While there though I bumped into one of my CassiesCalendar friends and we both were pleased to see each other shopping at the same store! We chatted a bit, he showed me how to use the scanner and he promised to stop by sometime soon and see the new place. Later in the day Jeremy, Mike and I were heading out to a BBQ we got invited to and Randy stopped back to get the other spray gun because he broke the good one. He looked kinda sad that we were heading out for fun and mumbled about going to go to the hot dog truck. I thought it sad he had to work all day alone and his "family" wasnt helping him, I told him to come back later for dinner with us.

The BBQ was loads of fun with tons of food, karaoke, zumba and lots of friends. Mike and Jeremy at first hadn't wanted to go but in the end ended up not wanting to leave! LOL I finally drug them away and we stopped for propane, more mulch and flowers on the way home. I texted Randy to come over but he was coverd in paint and halfway through the job and said he would come later for dinner, I said ya but the family will come home and then you won't want to.. f-them he said I want to see you. But....10pm came and the Jeremy cooked chicken, corn on the grill I texted him and he said I can't......I was so dissapointed but then said well then you can come later when they go to bed. So about midnight he showed up on his motorcycle. Jeremy asked him to run him over to the store for a pack of cigarettes and Jeremy went to get the helmet. Randy and I talked while he was looking for it and I asked him why he hasnt been coming over, is it the kids you want to hang with or her keeping a tight watch on you and he said a little of both. Then porceded to tell me how much fun he the kids and thier friends had drinking and cooking on the grill and "the wife" didnt come home till 11pm. He said she wasn't at all apreciative of all the work he had done on the deck and the fence sweating all day in the hot sun. He also told me that Patty, his ex-GF before me had sent him a text saying I miss you, "the wife" found it and said she was moving out. I asked him did he want her to and he said yes he can't stand her.. I said ok so work on letting this happen...then he said but she pays me a lot to live here... At that moment Jeremy came out and was getting on the bike to ride over to the store, Randys bike sputtered some and  then he said he was low on gas...Jeremy got upset then and said never mind I will ride the bicycle. I went inside and waited for Randy to come in but he did not......I went back outside and he and Jeremy were finishig up a talk and Jeremy was saying "just don't you forget what I said" he looked upset.....

What just happend I asked when Jeremy left, I think I better go he said.....why I asked? Your son just told me that I need to get serious with you or I need to leave. Oh geeze I said, I never told him to say anything to you. But I decided to talk about all this one more time and I said well now she says she's leaving do you want her to go. He said he wanted a new girlfriend he missed intimacy on all levels but he liked the money she pays he needed it. I said I guess what you really want is to keep the kids and have a new girlfriend, let them stay and pay rent $100 a week each thats all she pays. He said they wouldn't pay, and that's so much change to go through. He said I would have been with you and never had them but you left me, and I reminded him how he hadn't spent as much time with my son even though they had so much more in common and he talked logistics of us up there and him down here and I said well you should have asked us to move in back then but you just worried Jeremy might mess up your house but these kids have done 10 times the damage! Then he said well you left me, you rused it you weren't paitent we had only dated for 8 months... That's when I got pissed. YOU ONLY DATE'D HER FOR TWO MONTHS AND MOVED HER IN I YELLED! Then I realized it was midnight and we were sitting outside so I just said leave, leave now and do not come back. He left with out a word, which is his nature. I came in the house and cried and Jeremy got back from his bike ride. He said Mom it had to be done, I didn't want him hurting you anymore he has to man up, make a choice or leave you alone so that you can find another man who will be what you need. But Mary had said I was going to move here, he was going to come around more and feel comfortable and secure and in the end he would marry me. That still migh happen he said, he also said that I had a few more things to learn from being single, and he said maybe Randy will go home, think hard and decide to grow up and be the man he should have been to you before, if not then you are going to meet someone much better than him. Since I know how in touch he is spiritually, being an indigo child, I believe him...

So today is Memorial Day and I soon will have a home full of friends who love me. We are going to the parade in town to honor the vets and then we are going to BBQ into the evening.  I have totally mixed feelings about how I feel about the Randy thing but I do know that once I can bury this past I will find my new peace and tranquility, that one big let go is better than a thousand little let downs. I really was fooling myself that a little of him now and again really wasn't better than nothing. It's been a full year now of us talking again and he trying to have it both ways, he can't decide so I must decide for me, and I had to have help from my son. Ugh I still have much to learn on this path of mine.....

Today on this Memorial Day, I hope you remember those who gave thier lives for your freedom and I hope that you use that freedom wisely, for the pursuit of happiness and not for the pursuit of people and things that don't bring you true happiness. Lay to rest the pain and the past, do your mourning, and then get up and walk on and live the best life you can, the best life that you truly deserve........


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Memorial Day - Taps
http://youtu.be/BVzrsyCtoWY


That which is false troubles the heart,
but truth brings joyous tranquility.
╭♥╯Rumi ╭♥╯

Outlaw Poet.....

Timothy Johnson

COUNTRY DATE

nellie our dog
is resting in the shade
the watermellons cold
a bottle of wine
...floats cold in the creek
catfish is on the grill
the guitar is playing for real
skinny dipping with the moon
love games
dancunder the stars
a sleeping bag for one
the campfires glow
time for this country boy and girl
to get down and play
we sure have it made
THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

AS LONG AS YOU WANT ME

leave your worries at my door
close your eyes
rest your head on my shoulders
...today dont worry about a thing
for if its love you need
you found it in me
theres no need to be strong
ill hold you
and be right by your side
slip into your dreams
just rest and believe
in all your heart sees
my lady
ill be yours
as long as you want me...

the outlaw poet

Timothy Johnson

SWEET LADY G
turn the lights down low
turn the radio on
play us a love song
one thats real slow
...
theres no need to guess
for baby tonight
i see in your eyes
we both say yes

lady lay across our bed
right by my side
until mornings light
its not time for rest

turn the lights down low
turn the radio on
play us a love song
one thats real slow
THE OUTLAW POET

OUTLAW PRINCESS
put on your riding boots
leather pants and a tank top
iron horses are biting at their bits
spread your wings and lets ride
...its our time for fun
time to run with the sun
babe you are pure honey
riding when the run is done

saddle up and settle in
throw your troubles in the wind
g
THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson

LIVE should tomorrow come without me, go on living like youve never lived before, kiss the sunshine in the morning, follow the light through every open door, marvel at the sparrows as they fly, through blue skys of endless dreams, listen to the songs they are singing, swim gently in the water of lifes streams, should tomorrow come without me, feel the wind and know im free......the outlaw poet

5-27-11 Roses Have Thorns

The rose's rarest essence lives in the thorns.
Rumi

5-27-11   Roses Have Thorns

This week has been one of lovely moments and also some prickly ones too.....reminding me that even roses have thorns.....

Monday night Randy came over after work and installed the light bulbs in my outdoor flood light. Some things are just so much easier for men to do than women, and some things are so much easier for women to do that men. I really don't know why people have to have so many issues with gender roles, I mean sure do whatever you can do and want to do but we were designed differently you don't have to fight that if you don't want to. But anyway It was good to see him all clean and nice in his UPS uniform, instead of all grungy and dirty in his Sears work clothes. I asked him if he wanted something to eat but he said no he had to get home as "junior" was probably cooking for him. That made me a little sad but I dealt with it, he did stay for a little while and talked and also helped me turn on my solar lights. I was lucky he took the time to come help me.

Tuesday I got up and was reading on Facebook that the preacher who had said the world was going to end 5-21-11 and it didn't happen now has changed the date to sometime in October. Oh and get this tons of people sent him all their lives savings. Reminds me of the Jim and Tammy Bakker crap from years ago when my parents bought into all that. The only thing that really bothers me though about all this  I heard that some children are very scared about this and for that reason this is so very wrong. I recall growing up and my bible thumping parents had me terrified of the rapture and the tribulation. this would be a great opportunity to teach kids about how important it is NOT to listen to others interpretations and instead read the bible for themselves. But anyway I found out that Jeremy couldn't come down to help unload the second pack rat so I posted on Facebook for help and I also e-mailed Randy who said that he would come at 9:30 after work.

Wednesday I had a good day, the little pack rat came with my outdoor stuff and other things and my good friend Pam showed up and my other good friend Al also showed up to help me unload it. We got all done by 6pm so I texted Darleen and also Randy that they didn't need to come. She was kinda glad but he said Oh Shit. I had written him the night before and as I said and he wanted to hang out a bit he said , so I told him that he could still come if he wanted and he said sure will....that was at 6:30 pm....I put what I could away cleaned up the mess from the unloading, took a shower and waited for him...by 10 pm he had not showed up. So I e-mailed him asking why didn't he show, and oh well too bad as I am busy thur and fri nights (and as it turned out I also made plans for sat too). My little voice reminded me "you teach people how to treat you" so I calmly waited for his reply......I got one 10 min later saying that the kids made food for him on the grill and that he didn't know till 9pm and that he could still come at 11pm to see me......I thought about it for a minute or two, I would still be up at 11pm and since I was on vacation probably still wide awake too, but I didn't want to reward that bad behavior of his  and decided to reply:  then u should have told me u weren't going to come... i need to rest so don't come over, have fun with your kids. I just sent that and the POF guy messaged me asking if I had moved in yet and had time to meet him yet so I said yes how about tomorrow......

I was just wrapping up and getting ready to get in bed and relax when there was a knock at my door. It was Randy, he had ridden his motorcycle over, telling the kids he was going out for a ride, which was silly to me because he was still wearing his UPS shorts. I went to the door and said what are you doing here I told you not to come. He looked all sheepish and kept saying sorry etc so I decided to let him come in and talk for a bit. He probably thought he was going to come over and have some heavy petting and such but I was in no mood for that! So I sat him down at the kitchen table and explained things. I told him he should have let me know when his plans changed and he said well I wasn't sure that when I got home there actually would be food ready for me and I was right, a cold burger left in the fridge for me, I had hoped they wanted to hang out with me. Yeah well I had hoped you wanted to hang out with me and not 3 hrs earlier you said you did, you can't just drop me like a hot potato when they call. Well I am here now he said isn't that something? Sort of I said but I am not liking you at this moment so I really don't want to see you....then I'll leave....he ended up staying a half hour longer before I kicked him out. Telling me some tales of how they treat him over there, don't mow the yard, don't clean the house, and one time his motorcycle broke down and she refused to go take his truck and go pick him up. I would have come got you, even when we weren't seeing each other I said. I know he said, I know you would....but I got her back, she asked me to fix the kids bike and I refused and she had to pay a bike shop a lot of money. Sounds like a real loving family ya got there, I really don't know what you get out of this...I get people to live with he said so I am not alone. I'd rather be alone I said and meant it. You have a good night, I am busy for awhile now maybe we can see each other next week......

Thursday I had more unpacking to do, a trip to Home Depot and in the evening I was going to an event with The Venue that Charlie had let me post on Single and Looking also. I managed to squeeze in a mini date with the POF guy too. He seemed to really like me and was texting me all afternoon but I am not so sure about him, more like someone who would be a pretty good friend but I wasn't feeling the sparks. Not sure yet what I am going to do about that one.... After putting in a full day though I started to get ready to go out, while dressing I got a text from Randy saying that he had the paint spray gun all ready for me. Awesome I texted, can you bring it over tomorrow morning and he said sure can. I was all happy about that till I got the call from Jeremy saying Mike got put in jail for not paying child support so then he didn't want to come down just now. I told him I really needed his help to get ready for my BBQ monday so we left it as tentative on if I would go up and get him. How they expect a man to pay child support when he has no job and social services gives him only $60 a month cash is beyond me. But anyway, I put that out of my mind and headed to the event. It was a nice time, I was feeling a little shy as I often do when I am not the host but soon as I walked in someone said Hi Cassie, then several more knew me and then a whole group of Staten Island gals came and sat with me and we danced all night together. Apparently some of them had been to my house for some of my big BBQ's and they were all happy I had moved closer to them and would be doing events here. All in all a good night, but I did come home by 11 as I was beat. I also got to do some talking to a few single people about how hard it is out there now, so many full of pain from their divorces that they are afraid of even trying to have relationships anymore. We all have to realize though that no matter how good something is it also will have it pain.. I also reflected on the fact that I had been divorced for 13 years, mostly because I feared the pain of trying again, but these years had been very fun years, I had met many people and done much in the way of events to help bring people together. So even in my pain of loneliness many good things had come out of it. I though on all this as I left the event and I pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards home, but feeling a little sad that I had no one to go home to.... ahh but in time in time I am certain real long lasting love to share my life with will bloom in my world....once I get all the weeds pulled out of my new garden....I did see some rose bushes hidden in there among the tall tall weeds....

Today I want you to love the thorns as well as the roses in your life, because it really is true that they often hold sweet things too....

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie


Poison Every Rose Has Its Thorn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYeZJ9_Hmwg

5-23-11 Lending a Hand

"Through love all pain will turn to medicine." Rumi

5-23-11   Lending a Hand

Saturday I got up, loaded a bit more stuff in the little pack rat and more in my car and headed off to the new house. I had been so excited that I couldn't sleep past 6am so when I got on the road at 9 I was already tired. LOL No one came down to help me today because I posted that I didn't need them. A couple people did call and made plans to come down on Wednesday to help unload the little pack rat. With everyone out from underfoot I did plenty of unpacking and laundry and dishes etc. I did get tired in the afternoon and laid down for an hour nap on my bed in my new bedroom. Then just after 6pm (the predicted "rapture" time) Randy called and said he just got off work and did I need anything from Home Depot as he had to go there and maybe we could go together. I said sure but come see the new house first. He did and he really liked it, I can't believe we are neighbors now he said, me either I said. We talked a lot about how he's been working on his house and fixing it up. We talked a bit about his family too, it came up because he had mentioned possibly moving up to Vermont or New Hampshire and I asked would they be going and he said no, that soon as the kids move out its over with her.....he started to go down the she don't care  what I do route but I cut him off and said sorry but I am NOT doing what I did last summer, it just hurt way too much, you don't know and I am not doing it again. He said again he wished she'd leave, maybe she will find a text or something and go so he don't have to make her leave. I said I don't want to talk about this and can you please fix this shelf for me and he did. After that we went to Home Depot and had fun going up and down the aisles helping each other find the things we needed, looking at paint for my patio furniture, talking about our home projects. On the way out I said good night and don't forget to come over tomorrow after work to help me hook up my TV, sure he said, and again I can't believe we are neighbors. Are you glad I asked? Sure am he said, me too I said back..........

On the way home Jeremy's roommate texted me and asked if they could come down with me the next day, I said that they'd have to stay over night as I was sleeping there and I have no cable, he said that's not a problem. I said and I have a lot of stuff to take not sure I have the room lets play it by ear, and in the morning by the time I loaded my TV, computer, microwave etc I really didn't have any room so I texted him that I had no room and I would bring them down on Tuesday when I came up to get the little pack rat loaded up and he said OK. Course later in the day Jeremy texted and was all mad that I didn't get them and that they had counted on it, I told him he should have called. I asked was he going to be around Tuesday and he said snottily that he'd play it by ear. Little brat! I was glad though that I had no room for them, and also glad that my friend cancelled who was going to come down and that the other one never called because I really did want to spend some time with Randy when he came over to hook up my TV's..... I spent the day unpacking and ran out to get milk and stuff for in the morning. Randy texted me about 3 and asked did I want to get some food about 6 or 7pm (his way of asking did I want to go out to dinner) Haha. I told him if he wanted to I would but I had planned on running out for something while he was hooking up the TVs and eating here. Even better he said!

So in the evening he came right after work and helped me with a few things and since the cable wasn't on yet I put a movie in the DVD player in my room for him to watch while I ran out to get dinner. When I got back he was laying there covered up all relaxed so I got a towel and set up a picnic in bed like we used to do back when we were dating. It wasn't as roomy as his king sized one but it was still fun, like old times minus the boy-friend/girl-friend physical intimacy. We ate and we talked and we both said how this was more fun and cheaper than going to a restaurant. I told him if he wants, and I am not at an event, he can come over every Sunday and once I have my cable we can watch Simpsons and Family Guy like we always used to do. I sure will he said! He stayed till 10 till I finally kicked him out and we talked and talked about his relationship and I told him again if he wants me then he has to talk to her first and get this all settled with her. I can see why it worked then, the timing for us wasn't right and I wasn't ready either, that was brutally apparent to me when he reminded me of the things I said, how I said I was too old for him, naybe he wanted to have a baby, what he needed was a woman who rode the motorcycle, etc etc I told him that I just wanted him to be happy and he said well I went out and I got all those things that you said I needed to be happy and thing is I am not happy. Yeah I wasn't either I said, but at least in these years I have grown, and I didn't love myself enough to believe that anyone else could love me. And you had to learn a few things too I said. I went to bed after he left and felt content watching my movie and going to sleep in my new home for the first time...then about 11 I got a text....I had fun tonight he said......me too I said....and we texted back and forth till I was sleepy.....

Today I got up and spent the entire day working and unpacking and such. I did go out to the dollar store to get a few Memorial Day decorations and some guy pulled up and was selling meat off the back of his truck. I got a bunch of steaks and such for less than half if I got them elsewhere, I do want to start cooking more I said and please come back if you get some seafood deals. Oh and turns out the guy is a stand up comic so he is going to post his gigs on CassiesCalendar too. Later in the day I called my son to see if he was going to be around Tuesday to help me finish up loading the little pack rat and he said maybe. Ugh Well can you at least sell off the rest of that stuff if I post it on Craigslist? Yes he said and can you look into renting a backhoe and I will get the rest of that metal and stuff out of the barn. Then I went and tried to put in new light bulbs in my outdoor flood light, that didn't work at all, I was frustrated and wishing Jeremy was there right then and then I thought of Randy.......hummm I wonder if he will help?? So I texted him and said: Can you come over sometime and help me put the light bulbs in my floodlight outside? Sure he replied maybe tonight after work.... I thought about saying good but text me if you can't make it, thinking I would hate to sit there wondering, but then decided to go with: awesome  I will be here either way....that was easier, and it was true. Yep I could get used to that black truck of his pulling up in front of my house.... I guess we are once again tentatively reaching out for one another, past the pain, the hurt, the misunderstandings. After the growth and the paths that have been apart from one another now our paths are close enough that we can reach out and get acquainted again, this time taking our time and enjoying the journey...

Today I want you to think about the relationships of your past, did you rush in and get too close too fast? Have you taken the time to really "court" and spend time, the kind of time where if you end up even just holding hands that's a thrill? Try it, even if you are already married try dating the old fashioned way...... get to know each other all over again.......reach across and take some one's hand today......


With Love and In the Light,  Cassie


Reach Out and Touch Somebody's Hand - Diana Ross
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-7qCG2_aaA

Outlaw Poet .....

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

IF I GIVE MY LOVE TO YOU if my world gos dark, will you shine your light, when i stumble and fall, will you help make things right, as we grow old, will we be together at night, if i lose my way, will you help me see, when summers turn to winters, will your new year be with me, as our love grows stronger, in us will you still believe, if i give you my love, will it be safe in your heart?............the outlaw poet

 

COME JOIN ME

lets find us a place
where the world
dosnt know we're there
...i'll hold you
where our eyes only see
the essense of love
which is floating everywhere
just kiss me
in a place only you know
where only lovers
breath the air
i'll love you
past forever and a day
come join me
let the wind caress

THE OUTLAW POET

Timothy Johnson ARE YOU THERE its late at night, and somewhere out there, she lays sleeping, in her dreams, do we dance, does she say my name, does she love me, like i love her, when the lights are out, will she reach, to be held in my arms, are our dreams the same, is she there.........the outlaw poet

 

Timothy Johnson

I LOVE YOU

if i was to surrender
my heart to you
and sing you my song
...lady would we dance
would you sing along

if i was to surrender
my soul to you
and fly in your sky
would you be there
with me side by side

if i was to surrender
my love to you
and be just your man
forever and a day
would you understand

the outlaw poet

5-20-11 Moving On to a New Destination

5-20-11   Moving On to a New Destination

This week has been about reaching my destination....somehow I know this is just the start of a brand new journey....

Monday evening I had dinner with Mary, she was in a lot of pain from a muscle spasm in her back so once we got done eating I gave her a quickie 5 minute reiki on her back, she said she felt something move in her back and I told her to let me know what happened. I spent the rest of the evening working on wrapping things up at the old house. Jeremy and Andrew came over and helped me move the rest of the garbage to the curb, I ran out and got a screwdriver so we could take apart my bed, and I answered and ad to sell the washer/dryer since the new place came with one. I also posted to sell the fridge and the portable dishwasher from the tenants side so I would have cash to pay the kids who will help me move. I told Jeremy he can have the over the stove microwave. The excitement in me just building and building as each thing gets taken care of....

Tuesday evening I picked up Jeremy and his roommate Mike and brought them over to pack up my bed and make the plans with them for Friday. They were not able to help me Saturday they said, luckily I got several of my friends coming that day so I should be good. It's Sunday I am concerned about the most as I have to get up that day and disconnect and move my TV and computer and microwave alone. It was on my mind so much that when I got a reply e-mail from Randy I asked him if he would come over Sunday after work to help hook up my DVD and TV. I worried as soon as I sent that, wondering if it was going to be OK and so I prayed to God to block all that if it went against his will for the direction of my life at this time. For good measure I wrote to the POF guy to let him know that I was moving down there finally and would be willing to meet him, he was real happy about that and said to let him know as soon as I was ready. I wished he'd offer to come over and help out but then again we hadn't met yet, then again some other guys offered when they heard I was moving. One thing I am sure about that I want in my life is a man who will help me and take care of me a little, like my Dad did my Mom, and me even though he was a step-Dad. It's just annoying though most of all that as far as I have come on my path, as much as I have evolved on this path, when it comes to men and romantic relationships I still don't know what the heck I am doing!

But anyway Jeremy was all in a tizzy because that day he had been in a Pizza place and some guy, from a particular ethnic group, came up to him got in his face for no reason , mouthed off to him, swung at him and spat in his face. Jeremy said that he did nothing to this guy not then and not ever and he was real upset about how he had treated him. He said it took all restraint he had to not hit him. I got mad when I heard that and called him a name that refers to that ethnic group, and I told him I love many people like that but there are some who behave this way, have attitude and hate others only because they are not of their same ethnic group, those are the ones who this label was created for, not the others. Well I suppose no one deserves a derogatory label but honestly I wish I had a way to help stop this cycle of hatred. I also know that the right thing to do, the thing that Jesus would do is turn the other cheek, but me as a mother said: you better do something about this because you will loose respect and then they will all be at ya.. Something else I need to learn, how to figure out a peaceable way to protect yourself, and teach my son to protect himself, then again that's an age old problem.... In the end though I just told him , told them both, what they need is a fresh start in a new town, a better town and that I was going to show them all around Keyport on Friday....

Wednesday I got an e-mail from Randy and he said yes to coming and helping me Sunday so I said a quick little prayer to God to give this his blessing or to make it not happen and most of all his will, not mine to prevail. Shortly there after that I got a text from my realtor Mike saying that the C of O was approved! Whewww another hurdle I got over! I worked very hard at the office that day tying up loose ends reminding people to copy the group mailbox while I was out etc. I went home and packed my bike and a few things in the car to be ready for the next day.. I also decided to post a BBQ for Memorial Day at my new house, I wanted to stay close to my new town and go watch the parade and also to have a chance to thank those who helped with the move and show my place to others. It was a private invite though, the big party days of 175 were over ..I sadly had to turn down an offer of a band for the event due to the proximity of my neighbors. But who knows maybe I will end up finding a park nearby... LOL Also do you remember the woman who read this blog , ordered some Spiritstones for her surgery and turns out she lives in Cliffwood Beach? Well she posted to me last night in my Spiritual in NJ Group that she is just ONE block from my new home! How's that for amazing?

Thursday I got up and went to work, watching the minutes tick slowly by till noontime. My buddy Mike called me to chat for a bit as he's been really busy with his business but he wanted to thank me again for the little tool set gift I had gotten him for his new boat, he said it had bailed him out of several predicaments this week! I told him I am a psychic gift giver, I have always had a knack of getting just the right thing for people, I think because I stay in tune on an inner level with people I care about a lot, I mean sometimes I am off but not usually, and I have had some friends who are just as in tune with me too, it's really amazing to pay attention and benefit from the connections we have with others. Mike also gave me some good advice, some I already was applying but I can apply it even further, he said to be sure and not take any of my old junk I don't use or need down there with me or into that new home. Clean up, clear out and simplify he said and he is right! I shall be doing that, it made me make the final decision on if I really wanted to take the dresser and chest of drawers from my room, they had been Gus's (my ex husband) and the last pieces of furniture we had together. I also wrote to Randy to ask if he could bring over his moving dolly for me to borrow while I had a "crew" over, I told him I got the C of O and it was safe I felt to give him the address (you all saw all of this coming didn't you? what can i say the heart wants what the heart wants)

The pack rat guy called me just before noon asking questions on where to place the small one I had ordered to get the rest of my stuff in like the outdoor stuff etc. He ended up calling me three times! The last call was while I was driving and halfway down there to meet him, he said that my yard was muddy and went from the high grass and the truck slipped and he gave up. I was frantic! I told him I had a crew of people meeting me the next day and he had to get it down there! I told him that the ground was very solid but he had already headed home. I started to panic, I called corporate, I called my son, I had people coming to unload on Friday and Saturday! In the end Jeremy called them and got it worked out, I went down to the house and stocked the fridge with beer and soda for the next day, unloaded my car and went back up to take Jeremy to the house. He mowed the area of the yard and he pulled the carpet out of my living room and dining room and put it down over the mud. He is such a good son saving me and taking care of things like that, its been hard him being the son of a single mother but it's also made him amazingly helpful not only to me but to others.

Friday morning the truck came and got the pack rat with no problems. Just as he was leaving the driveway and I was getting ready to go I got an e-mail from my lawyer with a new proposal from the Township, most of it was good but they still wanted a large amount to be put in escrow. I told Tony to let them take the soil samples and yes I would have my insurance company take out the tank if needed but they can forget the escrow as I don't have it for them since I have to pay him and my realtor. Let's see what they have to say about that... I had no time to think further on that matter. Then  I went and picked up Jeremy and his roommate Mike and took them for breakfast at WaWa and off we went to the house. They worked so fast and so hard that by the time my friend Mike from Improv showed up the pack rat was empty all except for my big screen TV! I texted Randy that I no longer needed his dolly and I went out and got us pizza. We all sat at my table and ate and talked and had loads of fun. My furniture ended up fitting a lot better than I thought it was going to also, the only thing is the desk is kinda big but maybe I can get something else later on. Before heading home I drove the boys around town. Mike loved it and I think Jeremy did too, they said for sure they will come visit me sometimes and stay over, as a matter of fact I am sure lots of my friends will! I dropped them off home and went to Lowes before heading home to rest for sat. Randy called me and we talked awhile, he said he had driven by the house last night and he was so glad that we were now neighbors, he said that's amazing that I saw you there in my dream last summer and I said yes see you did help me find a home! He told me he was off 4 days for Memorial Day weekend but he wasn't going to Vermont. I told him I had scheduled a BBQ and he was more than welcome to come to it and he said sure I'd love that! I said well between now and then I probably can use some help around the house too, now that I am down there alone and Jeremy is not moving with me. Sure sure I will come over and help you he said........great I said see you soon.....

So I am arriving at my new destination, an end of one way of life and the beginning of another. I am sooooo excited! There is much talk on the Internet of some doomsday prophecies that say The Rapture is going to happen tomorrow 5-21-11, where all the good God fearing people are going to be taken away to heaven and the rest have to stay here and suffer through trials and tribulations. Well I am pretty sure that I am not going anywhere off the planet, God would not have bothered to let me do all this packing and moving when I could have been out "saving souls" at the last minute if that were the case. LOL It's pretty funny though they have some pretty silly jokes going around, like the one below:

At any rate I want you all today to think about where you want to go next, what destinations do you have in mind and what changes are you going to have to make in YOURSELF to get there? This has been a big year of change for me or I never would have made this move!  A good quote comes to mind:  What you get by reaching your destination is not nearly as important as what you will become by reaching your destination.  ~Zig Ziglar
Think about it people........


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY

The Outlaw Poet...

Timothy Johnson

MOTHER MARY

tears with no where to run
pain with no place to hide
how do you tell a heart
...to say good bye
to someone whos loved you
without doubt rom the start
as the angels come
to be by her side
where can i hide
why cant i say good bye

marys son, the outlaw poet

my mother will leave us in a few hours, please send her your prayers on her transition, thank you

Timothy Johnson

LOVE NEVER DIES the healing hands of the wind, wiped the tears from my eyes, and caressed my heart, telling me shes never gone, for love never dies, the warm strokes of the sun, wrapped me in heavens arms, and massaged my soul, telling me shes never gone, for love never dies........the outlaw poet....THANK YOU MOM FOR ALL YOU GAVE ME, MY LOVE GOS WITH YOU

Timothy Johnson

Timothy Johnson

LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART when your heart talks, you need to listen, for it is these unspoken words, these unsung songs, where love belongs, look with your heart, not your eyes, for only then can you see, beauty thats real, looks you can feel, listen to your heart if you want to dance, giving love a chance.........the outlaw poet

LETS RIDE

i have seen those with broken wings
still trying tp fly
so many with no shoes
...trying so hard to walk
they cried
i have seen broken roads littered with dreams
just wanting to be alive
i have felt my heart
talk of love
saying if you give up you will die
i have heard the angels singing
love will lift your wings
to fly..lets ride
the outlaw poet