7-22-11 Growth and Change
This week was about reflecting on growth and change....
Monday evening I went to pick up a shop vac from free-cycle on my way home from work, Jeremy and Shawn had said they wanted one to suck the water from the basement when it rains and within a week there one was. This of course took me longer to get home but I just popped in my The Secret Cd and listened to that. I am really getting into this and re-called something I had decided to pray for the week before and asked Mary to pray and agree with me and it happend! My parents used to always teach me to pray together with others that it made it stronger, I so wish I could have gotten them to see how much our faiths agree rather than disagree. But anyway the timing for me re-listening to this seems to be important.
Tuesday I put up another personal ad post, one for a guy to take me motorcycle riding and one for a relationship. Not because I really want to but because I feel I owe it to myself to keep looking at this juncture because Randy is making zero moves to get her out of his life and me in it. One guy's reply was particularly insensitive, but nothing I haven't heard before: Not my type I date very tall thin women. Unless its just oral sex then I will let heavier women suck my cock. I sent it to Randy and said see what jerks I have to deal with out there! I did this because he keeps asking me why was he able to find someone and I was not and where are all these guys I keep talking to. He replied back to me that he still likes me to which I replied: Yes and I am very glad that you do and am having fun with you but I still wish to find someone to LOVE me and marry me. In the evening I found out that the big desk I put out front for sale sold for $40, so that was only a $10 loss to put in the smaller desk... I took the money to go fill the propane tank for the grill and put gas in my car and noticed the psychic across the street from 7-11 was open, I had seen that one there ever since I started coming down to Randy's and wanted to go see her so tonight I decided to splurge and get the $10 special. She told me that I have had much sadness in my love life, She said that she knows the guy I am seeing I think is my soul mate but there is still much pain there. She told me that I have caused this pain mostly myself due to the pain that I had from loves past I keep pushing this man away from me. She said in this relationship I caused my own pain but that this year I have done much in the way of growth and change. She said that my finances will improve in time and that I could possibly be engaged to this man by Christmas time. It was then she went into her pay me $250 speach and I can remove the blocks....I didn't need her to remove my blocks, I can do it myself and with help from my spiritual friends. I would have thought she knew better than to give me this make extra money speach when she had seen my aura when I came in and instantly knew that I too was a seer with powers of my own, then again she also saw that I still doupt my abilities... But anyway it really got me to thinking about myself, how much I HAD grown this year and I was reading back on my blog from a year ago and it was exactly this time that I had realized that I did still love Randy and I know that coming back to this with him was part of my healing path..
Wednesday was a work from home day. On sunday we had talked about possibly going down to Gunnison wed or thur, me taking a half day off so we could go, but by 2pm he had not contacted me about going and I saw him logging in and out of the computer all day when he popped up on my AIM messenger. I knew better than to IM him a hello in case "she" was around... Finally I wrote him an e-mail and said bummer we never got to go to the beach today but I can't go tommorow as I am in the office and it's just not feasable, stay cool out there tonight and let me know when you are available againg to come over. He replied shortly after, said sorry about today but he wasnt sleeping off and on all day but he felt better and said he could come tonight... I didn't even question it I just said OK! am taking the kid to see Harry Potter but I will be home before you get off work. He rode his motorcycle over and we had a nice time together even though we only had about an hour by the time he got there. I asked how he got away and he said that she was gone for a few days to see her grandmother and took the kid that still lives with them with her, he said that she does that often. I said well then why don't you come over more then when she is away? Because I thought you didn't want me he said, you kept getting mad at me and telling me to stay away. True true I said thoughtfully. So what's different now he asked? Well I decided to quit living in the past and hoping for the future and I learned to just enjoy the moment I am in I said. I only get mad at you when you are being or doing what I want, if I just take what you are for what I like in that I am ok. I am still looking for a guy to love me and to marry me, but in the meantime life's too short for me to not enjoy what I can with you.. Good he said good keep doing that.....and as he left he said and you know I can take you for a ride on my motorcyle anytime you want....... (I think he saw my CL post looking for a guy to take me on a ride)
Thursday I got up and went to the office despite the fact that I had been up half the night throwing up, I think it was from mean Shawn left on the grill outside. He said he didn't get sick but I told him he was used to eating older food. hahaha I worked till 2pm and I just couldnt take it anymore so I wrote my boss and headed home. I started to doze off about three times driving home! I wished I had just worked from home again as there was no real need for me to go to the office, but I so do not want to risk losing my work from home privledges! It was over 103 degrees out too! Ugh! I got home and went right to my bed, Jeremy had been doing some work around the house and he went to the corner store to get me some ginger ale. I really have to start thanking him more for being such a good worker, the tales Randy tells me of the messes his kids make and how they destroy his house.... he really picked wrong when he chose them over me and my son, I know Jeremy had a bit of a an anger issue, and we fought a bit but we were going to therapy for that and its something that grows less and less as he matures... But anyway I think living with that family proabably brought about some much needed change in Randy too....IF he ever escapes them he will be a better mate than the one he was being back when I dated him.....
Friday thank God work fom home, but the blazing heat continues..... I sent a message to my meetups stating that if there was no break in the heat that I would be cancelling my event on saturday. A Fireman's fair on black top is no place to be in this weather....perhaps I will go to The Hook very early in the day.... I sent a message to Randy that he can come over tonight if he wants to , haven't heard from him but I will be find weather he comes or not....
Today I want you to take a look at what changes you have made in your life , especially those of you who have been reading all along and doing some of the steps to change along with the SpiritStone energy. Give yourself a little credit where credit is due......and leave me a comment or two and share with me the changes you see......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
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