7-29-11 Attracting What You Want

7-29-11 Attracting What You Want

This week I have been working on learning better how to attract what I want...

Monday I had a dentist appointment for myself and Jeremy and after, since it was threatening rain, and because I don't get that many weekdays off we decided to head to the Mall. He was hungry though so I pulled in a KFC for him, when he came back out with his food he said to me that he really should use his "mind power" more often. How so I asked him?  He said I ordered the three piece meal then I wished I had ordered the 4 because I am hungry and they gave me 4 pieces. I said see this is what I keep telling you about The Law of Attraction! If you honed this skill you could have anything I told him, and I put The Secret CD on in the car and he listed for about 10 whole minutes before he went back to his gangsta station. >All I care 'bout is money and the city that I'm from I'ma sip until I feel it, I'mma smoke it 'til it's done And I don't really give a fuck, and my excuse is that I'm young yeah, fuck it, I’m on one Yeah, I said I’m on one, fuck it, I’m on one<   Huuummmm now I wonder why he wants to drink and smoke so much? What you constantly tell yourself is what you bring to yourself.... That evening I was feeling lonely so I texted Randy.... my body misses your hands......wait for me he sent back.... Later that night one of the guys from Biker or Not called me, but it was late and I didn't pick up. I didn't even think it considerate for a first time call to be that late at night and made a mental note to ask a guy friend about it. All these men are just a bunch of jerks I said to myself as I went to sleep.....a mantra I have said to myself ever since my divorce...... Huummmm now I wonder why I keep attracting jerks???

Tuesday back to the office, am working closely with the new manager to teach her the complaints department (me and me alone) and point out the flaws in the system and hopefully she can get them worked out, some of course will apply to me but I don't at all mind, I am always willing to improve.....IF it truly is improvement and not just different for no good reason, an interesting phenomenon I have found in the corporate world. LOL  In the evening coming home I passed Randy but he didn't see me, but he did text me to say he had some Fish Mox for me...I said great thanks bring it as soon as you can get away.... I got home did some errands and Jeremy and I went to taco bell and then I got a text from Randy saying he can bring them now... I got all happy and I made myself look pretty for him.....he called soon as he got off work and talked to me the whole way down and said I am pulling in your driveway.....so I walked out to meet him but he didn't turn the truck off.....he wanted to talk a lot though and he refused payment for the meds which made me very happy, you've given me so much he said..... Then he mentioned how "the wife" hasn't been coming home, always an excuse and she don't talk to him when she is home. All I could think of is if she isn't home why is he not coming over? My gut tells me he's still afraid and unsure of me, of us, and Mary says so too but my old hurt and rejection wounds shout over that and say "see he doesn't really like you THAT much".....so my old coy start bringing up the guys who have been calling me routine kicks in. Of course I complain about why each one is wrong for me and he says "well you got me" to which i again reply no I don't got you, I am only borrowing you and then you go home and get in bed with another woman, he started his she ignores me and seldom comes home stories and I put up a hand and say I don't want to hear it. We talked some more and I reached in to see if I could arouse him , which I could not so I asked him if he had broken down and took care of things and he confessed that he had, I frowned and said that wasn't good and he said he was going to take a nap and needed to relax, course my head was screaming that maybe he was lying and had done it with her. He got a text and he said it was the younger kid wanting to go the beach the next day..I said kewl well you better get home to him, then I thanked him again for the meds, leaned in and gave him a kiss, said see you Sunday then and went in the house. Oh why do I put myself on this roller coaster? I called Mary and she said she was sensing he didn't know I wanted him to come in and to leave it be and relax and he'd figure it out in time...... I also prayed that night that if it be for the greater good , I want the younger kid to move out too now, perhaps the military that he is considering would be good for him..... It's really tricky to mess with things that involve other people so be sure to always say, the greater good be done, or thy will be done....you should NEVER presume to know better than God/the Universe......don't be too attached to outcomes, if you don't get what you want or when you want there's always a good reason why not...

Wednesday was a work from home day and I was so glad. If I had to get up at 5am EVERY day I wouldn't make it. One of the things I am requesting to the Universe is to up my 2 days a week from home to 3. I really only NEED to be there two days, sometimes not even then..... not like I am asking for anything unreasonable. I saw Randy logging on and off the puter, he had sent me a video and something else to which I didn't have much to say. Finally I decided to just ASK him so I sent one saying IF she is gone so much why do you still take care of yourself instead of come over and then tell me I should wait for you? I said not mad just trying to understand and communicate. When he replied all he said was ...are you at work...to which I replied yes because even if I am at home I am at work and everyone knows to respect that time. My conversations with God message of the day came and it was about choosing your battles so I let this go... Later in the day I was getting ready for my yoga event and one of the CL guys called me. He seemed interesting enough till I mentioned my events and then he was asking about singles events and groups so I sent him links to a few and he joined them. Not a good way to show me he's interested in ME I thought, then again he has a young daughter and sole custody and I don't know that I want that in my life now...I am enjoying this space between parenthood and grandparent hood...I have said many times that I am enjoying my no kid time for right now so how can I truly attract a man with a young kid?

The yoga even in the evenin was nice but we had half the paying customers as last time and I had to give a friend $10 for gas so she could come so I earned all of $10 that night. I don't know what it is with me and earning money for my events and such. Others have big lavish things don't care about the people and make tons of money charging a lot at the door, me I befriend each and every soul that I can, and do things for bargain prices and still only break even on my expenses. Either the Universe does not want me to make money or I am doing something wrong...... I did give this some thought and one thing I do is worry about how many will come, what I need to do is just put it out there and forget about it, let those who should come come. I have noticed on times I don't think about it the numbers grow, and for my BBQs I only thought GOOD thoughts about the number of people who came... I am going to work on that and I posted another one for two weeks later....

I got some texts from Randy, he was all sad and feeling bad and calling himself a loser because he couldnt find anyone to go motorcycle riding with him. I tired to comfort him but this has been an ongoing thing with him. Each time we talk about it he's all negative and full of reasons why he can't and won't ever be able to find someone with his riding style (as fast as possible and cover as many miles as possible) When I was his girlfriend I started a motorcycle group for him and he was hinting again for me to do some advertising or an event for him but I told him I can't since SHE reads all my posts on CL and comments to him about it. He said he didn't care, but I still didn't want to do it, why should he get ALL the benifits of me w/o having any of the commitment to me? Besides he needs to learn how to get what he wants for himself by himself........but he must have been thinking really hard for me to help him because it wouldn't stay out of my mind, that night, driving to work on thursday etc till finally I broke down and made a group called motorcycle mavericks. Who knows maybe I will find another nice guy with a nice big harley to take me for a ride.....bet Randy won't like that but hey he hasn't found any time to spend with me this week yet.....

Friday was work from home day, I am getting more time to talk to the boss and the new girl is working on imporoving the processes there. I have had ideas for sometime now but being a level 1 and not a manager I don't get listend to as much as I would like. But I always find a way when I find it important.... I had some money problems on my mind and was trying to release those back to the universe when the following came in my mailbox:

Stop worrying about all that could occur tomorrow.

You are getting agitated about things that haven't

happened yet...and may never happen. 

Stay here, right here, in this moment. What is going on

right now...what is occurring right here...? That is all

that matters. That is where your life is being lived.

Good advice indeed.......Today I want you to practice attracting what you want by NOT WORRYING about it.....be it that relationship, money for those bills, healing for a friend who's ill, whatever it may be just ask and sit back in confidence so that it came come to you, just like a butterfly...you must be peaceful and still for it to come.......reaching and grasping only keeps you in bondage to the not haves.........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie